“I can’t right now. Not with your chest, like, two inches from my face.”
“You’re such a dick,” she said with a laugh. She might have been angry at his comment, but she’d worn a low-cut shirt to the club and with the way she stood over him, her breasts were indeed invading his personal space. He literally couldn’t look anywhere else unless he moved his head, which wasn’t advisable.
“Sorry. I’ll close my eyes.” And he did, but kept speaking. “But I have to admit I’m feeling self-conscious about that kiss now. Have you not been thinking about it?”
She went with a half-truth. “I’ve thought about it once or twice.”
“Thank fuck. I thought maybe I’d had an off night.”
“Regardless, it can’t happen again.”
“Why not?”
“The obvious is because we’re roommates and it’s a terrible idea. But also because I’m not ready to give up on the idea of finding a real relationship. Do you and I have chemistry? Yeah. With the way we argue, it’s no surprise we’d be good together in bed. But I want something more than physical.”
“Until the time comes for the pact to kick in, you mean.”
“If, in four years, I’m still single, I’ll probably be lonely enough to discuss it.” She finished up and inspected her handiwork. “Done.”
“That was fast.”
“I know. I’m good.”
She put everything back into the first-aid kit. Just as she’d turned toward the hallway, he spoke again.
“You know, I’m still a little miffed you won’t consider marrying me for convenience.”
Claire turned to look at him, and at the hint of insecurity she saw on his face she opted to forgo sarcasm. “Don’t take it personally.”
His brow furrowed and he raked his fingers through his dark hair. “Is there another way to take it?”
She hesitated, unsure if she should say what was on her mind. She glanced over his shoulder to the window, but there was only darkness beyond the glass. She looked back at him. It seemed he wasn’t going to let this go, so she might as well tell him the truth.
“I decided a long time ago I’d never marry someone who has a dangerous job.”
He cocked his head, confusion marring his features before understanding dawned. “Is...? Does it have something to do with your dad?”
All Graham knew was her dad had been a pilot and had died in a plane crash when she was a kid. She hadn’t given details beyond that to anyone except Mia, and her best friend would never betray what had been said in confidence.
Claire nodded, reaching across her body to grip her upper arm. “He was actually an aerobatics pilot who did air shows. He performed those over-the-top stunts that make your breath catch and your heart stop. At first, I thought it was the coolest thing ever, and loved when he did a local show where I could watch. My friends loved it, too. He’d let us climb around in the plane and sit in the cockpit, and sometimes even took me out for a flight.”
If Graham wanted to hide his surprise he was doing a terrible job. His eyes had widened and his mouth dropped open slightly.
“I noticed my mom never watched during a local show and paced during the away ones, waiting for him to call when it was over. It wasn’t as bad when he was flying transport routes, which he did for a steady paycheck, but I could still see the worry in her eyes when she knew he was in the air. It consumed her. And no one can say it was silly or for naught, because it turns out she was right. Those maneuvers look dangerous because they are.” Her voice cracked at the end and she hated it. Memories tried to force their way into her consciousness but she pushed them back like an unruly crowd at a metal concert. She swallowed and took a couple of breaths, willing the tears to stay contained. “I can’t be that person, Graham. I won’t live like that.”
Graham gripped the back of his neck with one hand. “I—I’m sorry, Claire. I can’t imagine how it must have felt to lose your dad. And while I’m not married, I know how it feels to worry about the people you love. The guys at the station are my family and anytime we go on a call or I hear about what happens when I’m off, I worry about my brothers and sisters in uniform.” His dark eyes searched her face and he offered her a sad smile. “So I actually understand your reasoning pretty well. Still, I think I’m quite the catch for an arranged, emotionless marriage.”
She let out a laugh, thankful that he lightened the mood a little.
And true to form, he didn’t stop there. “Alas, I’m willing to accept arranged, emotionless sex instead.”
“What’s all this about emotionless? I experience several emotions when I think about you.”
His grin slipped. “You do?”
“Sure. Irritation, exasperation, hostility. Take your pick.”
“Hostility is probably best for sex.”
“You think so?”
He nodded, his gaze locked on hers. She looked back at him for a few moments, feeling suddenly warm.
She blinked and spun around, and just before she entered the bathroom Graham called out one last thing.
“I meant what I said, Claire. You look amazing tonight.”
“I kissed Graham.”
Mia’s fork hit her plate with a clatter. “What?”
Claire’s forehead hit the table. “I know,” she mumbled into the wood.
“How...when...why...how?”
Claire didn’t move for a beat. When she raised her head, her best friend gawked at her, hand still poised in the air.
The low buzz of conversation throughout the restaurant was welcome. It gave Claire a few minutes to think without the urge to fill a dead silence. Why had she even brought it up in the first place?
“I don’t know what happened. I was at work and a fireman came in with an injury and my mind immediately went to Graham. I didn’t know if he was working, if he’d been at the same fire, or if he was okay. He didn’t answer my texts and I sort of freaked out.”
Mia’s expression went somber. “Understandable, after what you went through with your dad.”
“I know. But I’ve been friends with him for a long time, and he’s been a firefighter for most of it. If something major happened in town and it was plastered on the news, then yeah—Graham would cross my mind. But not otherwise. That day it felt...different.”
“Why?”
“I’m not sure. I’ve been asking myself the same thing. Before he and I were roommates, I think it was just an out-of-sight, out-of-mind sort of thing. But it feels different now, being around him so much more where I’m constantly reminded of what he does. I hear stories about the calls he responds to and I see him walk out the door in that navy uniform and find myself wondering if he’ll walk back through it at the end of his shift.”
Mia nodded slowly, her eyes soft. “That would be hard, even for someone who’s just a friend.” She emphasized the word friend. “Have you...been feeling more toward him lately?”
Claire’s phone buzzed on the table, and Graham’s name appeared.
“Speak of the devil,” Claire muttered, swiping across to see what he wanted.
Graham: What’s your email address?
Claire: Why?
Graham: I’m ordering a new body carrier for Gertrude and get a discount if I invite a friend to their website.
Claire: No
Graham: Come on, please? It’ll save me like thirty bucks.
Claire: I don’t even have a dog.
Graham: Don’t you have an email you never use for shit like this?
Graham: Trade—I won’t touch the thermostat for a week.
Claire: Fine. [email protected].
Graham: You fucking with me?
Claire: I WAS TWELVE
Graham: Apologies, Ms. Sparkles. Thanks
Claire rolled her eyes and dropped her phone to the table. Mia wore an amused expression on her face.