“No, man. That’s part of your duties as the new team captain.”
“Well, fuck. Can’t we keep doing it at your house? I need Mrs. Jeong’s cooking.”
“I think it’d go a long way with the guys if you planned something yourself. It’d be good for them to see who you are outside of basketball.”
“What are you talking about? I’ve played with some of these guys for four years.” I find a group of my teammates gathered around a high-top table, shooting the shit, and laughing with each other. “Then there’s Dom who I’ve played with since college. They know me.”
“They know the best point guard in the league. They know the guy who holds the record for the most assists in a single season, but they don’t know anything about you. You’re in charge now, man. You’ve got to connect with them off the court.”
“You sound like Ron.”
“Well, maybe he wasn’t that far off. You want to prove him wrong? Team dinner is your first opportunity.”
The idea of allowing fourteen guys into my apartment for dinner causes my skin to crawl. Ethan has been over a few times and Dom has stopped by here and there, but the rest of the guys, they haven’t been in my space. I haven’t allowed them to.
No one besides Indy.
“You’re still welcome to come over anytime for my mother-in-law’s cooking,” Annie offers. “And bring that cute fake girlfriend of yours when you do.”
“That secret stays between us three,” I remind them. “No one else can know. I can’t risk one of the guys slipping up and Ron finding out.”
Annie motions as if she were sealing her lips and locking them up without saying a word.
10
INDY
The bartender slides me a gin and tonic as I scan the room for Ryan or Stevie or Zanders or Rio. Or just about anyone really. I like company, crave connection. I truly am a social butterfly, but that’s mostly because I’ve never been on my own and at twenty-seven, I’m afraid to learn that I don’t know how.
Mr. and Mrs. Morgan walk by, offering a wave and I hope they don’t find Ryan’s absence suspicious.
If I were either of them, I’d call us out on his pathetic display of a fake relationship. Ryan was so awkward with me. His big moment of PDA was essentially a high five to my upper arm. What the hell was that?
If the beginning of the evening was any indication, I thought we were going to crush it. When I stepped out of my room, Ryan’s eyes hooded, his lips parted. He spoke softly, intimately as I fixed his tie that was perfectly straight before I had ever pretended it wasn’t.
In that moment, he looked like he wanted me, but his acting fell by the wayside as soon as we stepped out of the car.
I, on the other hand, felt far too natural holding his hand, leaning into his chest. I’m praying the show I put on was as convincing for Ryan as it was for his GM.
Because the truth is, I liked it.
It’s a frustrating awareness to have when I realize how disloyal I feel. I loved Alex my entire life, and now for the first time ever, I’m enjoying the company of another man. Alex can fuck someone else and yet, here I am, still so loyal to that relationship and the love I had for him, that a pang of guilt flashes through me simply from enjoying another man’s company.
“There she is,” Stevie says, sliding into the space beside me, leaning her elbows back on the bar.
And just then, I find her twin across the room as he interacts with a few older men who are nothing short of enthralled by him. He stands straight, shoulders back and tight, nodding along with whatever they’re saying. Their basketball icon is here tonight, professional and on edge.
“Daily update for you, Vee.”
“No thank you.”
“Your brother is hot as hell, and I'd happily let him bend me over this bar top.” I pull my drink to my lips, keeping my attention on him.
“Could’ve easily gone through my night without hearing that.”
“Has he always been this uptight or is it new since I’ve been around?”
“Don’t take it personally. He’s been this way since he got drafted, but I hadn’t noticed how bad it had gotten until I moved here last year and saw it firsthand.”
Two ocean eyes break away from the small group crowding the superstar and find me across the room, pinning me with a breath-taking stare. Ryan may be stiff and uncomfortable, but that man in a suit is any girl’s fantasy. He’s stunning and causes a blush to creep up my cheeks when his lips tilt in a small smile before returning his attention to the crowd in front of him, as if he simply needed to check on my whereabouts before continuing with his evening.
That Ryan Shay smile almost means more because I don’t see it often, and I may be fantasizing about the man every free moment of the day, but no one else needs to know that.
In my periphery, I watch Stevie’s attention bounce from her brother to me and back again.
“Are you sure this is a good idea?”
I turn to face her. “What do you mean?”
“Faking it while also living together. It seems messy.”
“Well, we both know how much Ryan hates a mess,” I tease.
Stevie turns back to face the bar and I join her.
“To answer your question,” she continues. “He’s not uptight per se, but he is aware of the countless eyes watching him, waiting for him to mess up. Ryan doesn’t show his emotions very often because it’s safe for him. It’s safe for his brand.”
I can’t imagine that, altering your life, holding back to appease everyone around you. Not too enthused, but not too solemn either. Not too stoic, but not too animated. What a terrible way to go through life.
Maybe tone it down tonight, Indy. These guys, they don’t like loud women.
These are my coworkers, so sit back and let me do the talking.
You look gorgeous, Indy. All you need to be tonight is pretty.
Alex’s previous words ring in my mind, so maybe I can imagine that.
The bartender interrupts us with a fresh beer in his hand, sliding it across the counter. “This one is on me,” he says to Stevie, with a grin that can only be described as “panty-melting.”
A tattooed hand slides around Stevie’s waist from behind. “Absolutely not.” Zanders’ venomous glare is focused on the soon-to-be dead bartender. “Abso-fucking-lutely not.”
The bartender’s face pales. “Sorry, man.” He holds up his hands in surrender before taking off to serve another patron.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Zanders keeps his attention on his back before leaning down and dotting kisses down Stevie’s neck. “I can’t take you anywhere,” he murmurs against her skin.
“Ind, you look great.” Zanders turns my way. “This is fun, having you at events with us and not just on the airplane.”
“Well, take a good look. It might be your one and only shot.”
“No way. Your pretend relationship is already on the rocks?” Zanders’ phone dings and he pulls it out while continuing our conversation.