I swallow the lump in my throat. “Zeke, no.”
“We fucked up, baby doll. Monumentally fucked up. I’ll never forgive myself, so I would never expect you to forgive us …” His eyes swim with tears, and all my resolve melts away. Seems I’m a complete sucker for a messed-up guy who shows his emotions. I can feel the anguish radiating from him. This isn’t some line to get me back, and although that shouldn’t matter after what he did, it does.
He watches me intently, as though he’s searching my face until he can find a crack in my carefully constructed armor. A tear runs down my cheek, and I swat it away. And there’s the crack.
His dark eyes narrow. “But I swear we will spend every single second of the rest of our lives trying to make up for it.” He grabs my wrist and places the handle of the knife in my open palm, then closes his fingers around mine and pushes the tip of the blade against his chest.
“I don’t want to hurt you, Zeke,” I say, a sob catching in my throat.
“Then come home, baby doll. Please. Come home or cut me right now.”
“You can’t give me an ultimatum like that. It’s not fair.”
“It’s not an ultimatum, Lily. When I think about your face that night—when I remember how cruel I was to you and how much pain I caused, I can’t fucking breathe. I need you to make me feel some of that pain.”
“It’s not comparable.” I shake my head. “What you did …” My words are lost in the maelstrom of emotions crashing together inside me.
“I told you I was cruel.” His head drops for a few beats before he fixes his black eyes on mine again. “I’m a sick fuck. I know what I did was unforgivable, but I’m selfish enough to ask you to look past it anyway. When I’m hurt, I don’t know how to handle it. I lash out. And I felt betrayed, Lily, but I should have known better. Because you are the best person I’ve ever known, and having your love, even for just a little while, is the single greatest accomplishment of my life. But now you know that the people I allow to see me at my worst are the people I love the most.”
His words are scrambling my senses. “Zeke, please,” I whimper.
“Come home, buttercup,” he pleads, yanking my hand closer until the tip of the blade pierces his skin. A drop of deep crimson blood trickles over his pectoral muscle. “Come home or stick this fucking knife in my chest so that I can remember what it feels like to be alive.”
Chapter
Fifty-Six
WEST
The elevator doors open and Zeke steps out. He glances around nervously, and it sets my teeth on edge. Something’s going on. He looks terrified, but he also seems oddly happy. And then I see why.
I swear my heart stops beating when she steps out behind him. She flicks her dark curls over her shoulder and folds her arms across her chest. Our eyes meet, and I stand frozen, certain I’m dreaming and will wake up at any minute.
“Shorty?” Xander’s voice cuts through the uncomfortable silence. He’s standing at the other end of the hallway, looking as shocked as I feel.
“Hey,” she says so quietly I almost don’t hear her. Then the four of us stare at each other for what feels like a fucking eternity. Say something, asshole. Go pick her up and carry her to bed. Fucking chain her to the goddamn frame if you have to.
The sound of thundering paws breaks the silence for us, and Snowflake charges down the hallway.
Letting out a delighted shriek, Lily crouches and holds out her arms. The stupid mutt jumps straight into them. Okay, maybe he isn’t as stupid as he looks, considering he did the exact same thing I wish I could have done.
“Oh my goodness.” He places his paws on her shoulders and licks her face like it’s a prime rib, and her giggles fill the hallway. Content that he’s tasted enough of her face, he drops to all fours and sticks his head between her thighs, which only makes her laugh harder. Forget every bad thing I’ve ever said about him, the damn dog is a genius.
“Snowflake. No.” Zeke commands. The obedient pup backs off a little, his little nub whipping back and forth and his tongue hanging out.
Lily brushes the fur from her jeans and stands up slowly. “You called him Snowflake?”
“That’s what you wanted to name him. How could we call him anything else?” Xander takes a tentative step toward her.
A quiet sob falls from her lips, and she brushes a tear from her cheek. Zeke stands behind her, his hands stuffed in his pockets as though he wants to touch her but he’s not sure if he’s allowed. I know exactly how he feels.
Before Xander reaches her, she’s distracted by a movement behind him. A split second later, Stella comes into view and warily eyes Lily, her head low and her tail wagging just a little.
Lily gasps. “And who is this?”
“This is Stella. She’s Snowflake’s adoptive mom,” Zeke says, holding out his hand and beckoning the dog over. She goes straight to him, and he scratches behind her ear.
“Stella,” Lily repeats, a look of wonder on her face. “Can I pet her?”
“Sure.” Zeke looks at the dog with an expression I never saw on his face until the day we brought her home. “She’s a little nervous around people, but we told her you’re one of the good ones.”
Lily’s entire face lights up as she crouches back down and holds out her hand for Stella to sniff. In no time at all, Stella decides she likes our girl and happily steps into Lily’s arms, smiling her doggy smile as Lily rubs her back. “You told her about me?”
Xander squats down beside them. “Of course we did. She wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you, shorty.”
Lily looks between Xander and Zeke. “She’s from one of the puppy farms?”
Zeke nods.
“You … you saved her? You were the one who had those places shut down?”
“It was all of us,” Zeke replies, nodding in my direction.
She looks back at me, and her eyes swim with tears as she pushes herself to her feet. “You too?”
I swallow the ball of emotion lodged in my throat, but my voice is still little more than a croak. “Yeah.”
“Are you back, Lily? For good?” Leave it to Xander to ask the question I know we’re all waiting to have answered.
Clearing her throat, she gives a small shake of her head. My heart bottoms out. Is that a no? “I think we … we need to talk.”
Relief washes over me. It’s not an outright no. Talking is good. I’d much rather fuck her into submission, but beggars can’t be choosers. We’ll talk things through and then fuck her into submission.
“West made roast lamb,” Xander says.
Lily looks at me and licks her lips, and I push down all the memories of that tongue on my neck, my chest, my cock. “I thought I could smell your signature dish.”
“It’ll be ready in about twenty minutes.” I recognize the purple bag in Zeke’s hand. “You want to put your things away first?”
“Your room is still how you left it,” Xander adds hopefully.
“I, uh, I don’t know.”