“Our situation is messy, and I don’t know if it’s worth trying to fix.”
“If moving across an ocean has taught me anything, it’s that sometimes things in life are messy, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t worth it.”
She knew that Oliver was right, but that didn’t make her feel any less afraid of trying to move forward with Nick.
“Would it be weird to ask if we could still be friends?” she said.
Oliver winced. “I’d rather not.”
“Oh, of course,” Lily said quickly. “I totally understand—”
He burst out laughing. “I’m joking! Of course we can still be mates. You’re one of the now six people that I know in this city. I can’t cut you off already.”
He was grinning, and Lily sighed in relief.
“Thanks, Oliver,” she said. “Really.”
“So,” he said. “What can you tell me about Dani?”
* * *
? ? ?
Later, after she and Oliver parted ways, Lily walked home. It was a beautiful New York City night. Hot, but not grossly humid. And as she passed block after block on her way toward her and Violet’s apartment, she decided to accept the truth. When it came to Nick, she was a lost cause. Despite everything, she wanted to be with him.
It was possible that over the past two days he’d decided he was no longer interested. Maybe he also felt their situation was too messy. But either way, she had to tell him how she felt, no matter the outcome. It didn’t make her stupid or weak to admit that she cared about him and wanted to see where things went. In fact, it made her brave. She knew the truth now and she was going into this with her eyes fully open.
She reached her building and walked through the lobby, full of nerves, the weight of her feelings pressing down on her. She got onto the elevator and pressed 14. As the doors closed, she leaned her head against the wall and sighed. Then an arm shot forward, holding the doors open.
Lily sucked in a breath as she came face-to-face with Nick.
“Hi,” he said, eyes widening at the sight of her. He stepped onto the elevator and the doors slowly closed behind him. He was wearing a black T-shirt and black jeans, holding a notebook and a pen.
“Hi.” Her chest constricted. She stared at him and his beautiful face.
“I’ve been wanting to talk to you,” he said so quietly she almost couldn’t hear him. “But I was trying to be respectful of your space.”
She watched him. He stood at the other end of the elevator, as far away from her as he could possibly be.
“I had a date tonight,” she said.
His body went still. “With who?”
“Oliver.”
“Oh.” He was focusing on the spot above her head. “How was it?”
“It was perfect.”
He glanced down and nodded, more so to himself.
“But it wasn’t right.”
He looked up then. “Why not?”
She knew that there was no turning back now. “Because he wasn’t you.”
Nick blinked. He stared at her, motionless on his end of the small elevator. She watched his chest rise and fall.
“I know I should just try to forget you and the emails. But I can’t, and the truth is that I don’t want to. If I gave up on us, I’d be giving up on one of the most meaningful connections I’ve ever had.” She paused, taking a deep breath. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that I want to be with you too.”
The elevator was silent. Because Nick still hadn’t responded to her. This was becoming way more awkward than she’d anticipated. Her nerves were beginning to catch up to her as the adrenaline wore off. Then Nick spoke.
“Okay,” he said softly. He stepped toward her, and she felt the air change. His voice was still a whisper. “That sounds good to me.”
She leaned her head back, staring up into his face, holding her breath. He gently cradled her cheek in his hand.
“I’m going to kiss you now,” he said.
She nodded wordlessly.
He bent his head and lowered his mouth to hers.
She was struck with the rightness of it immediately. The way his arms wrapped around her. The way his tongue slipped across her bottom lip. She leaned into him and fisted the sides of his T-shirt, standing up on tiptoe, trying to get closer to him in every way possible.
The elevator doors suddenly opened as they reached the fourteenth floor.
“Do you want to come over?” he asked, briefly pulling away, his voice rough and low.
“Yes.”
They stopped at her place so that she could feed Tomcat. Finally, she thought as he took her by the hand and led her down the hall.
20
Nick’s mouth was on Lily’s again as soon as they were both inside of his apartment. His hands fell to the curves of her waist and he bent his head, dragging slow, heated kisses along her exposed throat and across her collarbone. Lily melted against him, loving the feel of his tongue on her skin. She sank her fingers into his back as his lips found hers again, his hands gripping her ass. He was intoxicating, mesmerizing. She never knew that kissing someone could feel this good.
He pulled away, his lips hovering above hers, his breathing short and slightly erratic. “Are you okay?” he asked in a low whisper.
“More than okay.” She drew him back down to her, catching his bottom lip between her teeth. Nick groaned, squeezing her tighter, kissing her more urgently. He began backing them farther into his living room. She grazed her fingers along his lower abdomen, their mouths glued together, then coming apart.
Nick lowered himself into his yellow armchair, pulling Lily down to straddle his lap. Her skirt hitched around her waist, exposing her thighs, and Nick was already hard beneath her. She felt light-headed, drugged. He stared up at her, his chest rising and falling with each deep breath. He gently brushed his thumb across her bottom lip.
“You are so beautiful,” he said.
It was reverential. Her heart was bursting.
“So are you,” she whispered.
She bent down to him, capturing his mouth. Nick stroked his hands up and down her thighs. She let out a soft moan and rolled her hips against him.
“Jesus, Lily,” he hissed quietly.
She loved the way he sounded. Rough and a little uncontrolled. She loved that she could make him sound that way. He twisted the hem of her shirt in his hands, and his fingers brushed against her stomach, making her shiver.
“I think about you all the time,” he said in between kisses. “I’ve wanted this for so long. I’ve wanted you.”
“Me too.” She was breathless, floating.
His hands were still fisted at the hem of her shirt. He tugged in question. In answer, Lily peeled her blouse over her head and let it drop to the ground beside them. She was mentally kicking herself for wearing her old, plain nude bra. She would have worn something sexier if she’d known she’d end up here with Nick. But that didn’t matter. Because he was looking at her like both she and her bra were made of pure gold.
He placed a soft kiss in between her breasts, causing goose bumps to spread across her skin. Then he turned his head, kissing the top of her right breast, then her left, his fingers circling her nipples through her bra.