“Those guys, and even when I try to meet people on my own. In high school, I spent more time pining after boys rather than actually trying to talk to them. I didn’t have my first kiss until my sophomore year of college because some boy told me that I had a nice smile, which I now realize was just a line, but at the time, I ate it all the way up. The next thing I knew he was my boyfriend and he ended up being my first everything. And it wasn’t because I was in love with him or anything. I just felt so behind. All of my suite mates were constantly meeting people and hooking up, and I felt like this loser who couldn’t hold her own. Our relationship lasted for about six months until it fizzled out over summer break.”
Sex with her first college boyfriend, Darius, had been underwhelming, to say the least. Maybe Lily spent too long building up the act of losing her virginity in her head. She thought it would be beautiful and romantic, but the moment had lasted for all of two minutes, and it never improved during the months that they’d dated. After Darius, she’d hooked up with a couple more guys in college, and she’d actually had a one-night stand with one of Violet’s less self-obsessed model friends over a year ago, but that had been the last time she’d had sex. She wouldn’t be surprised if there were cobwebs between her legs. Her vibrator deserved a yearly salary.
“I just want to date someone who is interested in what I have to say,” she said. “It would be nice if we had things in common, but that isn’t a deal breaker. It’s mostly important to me that he has good morals, and that he’s kind to me and my sisters and the rest of my family. And I want him to accept me for who I am without wanting me to change. I don’t think that’s asking for a lot.”
Nick had fallen quiet, and Lily realized she might have divulged a bit too much.
“Sorry if that was TMI,” she said.
“It wasn’t.” Nick gently placed his arm on the small of her back as they maneuvered between a group of NYU students and a hot dog cart. She shivered at his touch and felt silly for doing so.
How many times do I have to tell you to get yourself together, ma’am? Stop acting like this around him!
Nick’s brows were pinched together, contemplative. “I had my first kiss when I was seventeen. This girl I worked with at Jack in the Box had just broken up with her boyfriend, so she kissed me in the parking lot to make him jealous. I didn’t lose my virginity until college either.” He paused and glanced away. “I’ve never been in a serious relationship before.”
“Really?” Lily slowed her walk and Nick matched her pace. “Why not? I mean, only if you want to tell me.”
“I just—I don’t know.” He shrugged and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “My parents are all over the place. They got together in high school back when my dad was a big basketball star, and then he got injured and turned into a different kind of person. I think they turned me off from the idea of being in a relationship. Or of committing myself to someone. It’s not worth the drama.”
Hearing his explanation for why he wanted to stay single broke her heart a little. “Are they still together?” she asked.
“Yeah. They’ll never break up. Hell would freeze over first.” He took a deep breath and then forced a smile, clearly wanting to change the subject. “What about your parents? I’m hoping they’re less messy.”
“I think they have their own levels of mess. My mom can be pretty bossy and my dad resorts to willful ignorance when he doesn’t want to be bothered with important family discussions. But they were college sweethearts. They own a florist shop and everything.”
“Hence your names?”
“Hence our names. Well, actually, it started with my Grandma Rose, who named my mom Dahlia.”
“Your family sounds like it’s straight out of a Hallmark movie.”
“It may seem that way, but we’re not.” Lily grinned. Then she thought about what Marcus had told her last weekend. Nick took a while to open up to people, and if she wanted to learn more about him, she’d have to be patient. He’d just revealed something about himself and his family. He trusted her enough to do that. Warming to him even more, she quietly added, “I’m sorry to hear that about your parents. Thank you for sharing with me.”
“Of course.” Nick laughed a little. “I didn’t mean to dump all of that onto you. It just came out. You’re really easy to talk to.”
“Yeah,” she said. “So are you.”
They shared a prolonged look. Lily felt her cheeks get hot under Nick’s focused gaze. It made her feel like she was the only person in the room, or, more accurately, the only person standing on the corner of University Place and 14th Street. Nick’s eyes were a deep, chocolate brown. She could probably stare into them all night. But it was a foolish thought, because that wasn’t what friends did.
“Don’t stand in the middle of the fucking sidewalk!”
Lily and Nick both jerked to attention as the man with the hot dog cart pushed by, enveloping them in his aroma of beef and sauerkraut. “Fucking tourists,” he grumbled.
Lily burst out laughing, and Nick smiled. “I’ve traveled all over the world and that’s the first time I’ve ever been called a tourist.”
“First time for everything,” she said.
They reached their building and took the elevator up to their floor. It wasn’t lost on Lily that when she and Nick were together, she enjoyed spending time with him more than sticking to their plan to find her wedding date. If she were being honest, part of her wished Nick had just agreed to be her date in the first place. But now she knew why he’d turned her down and didn’t want to date. He had a thing about commitment. A wedding date didn’t equal a full-blown relationship, but maybe he was afraid of what one date could lead to. And ultimately, that was good for Lily. She didn’t need to waste time again pining after someone who was unavailable. She’d only end up getting hurt and be left standing with egg on her face, and she’d already had enough of that this year. She and Nick were friend-zoning each other, and that was fine. Well, it was fine as long as she didn’t have any more romanticized thoughts about staring into his eyes all night.
“I guess this is good night,” Lily said reluctantly as they reached her door.
At the same time Nick said, “I can give you my copy of The Nermana Chronicles. It’s in my apartment.”
“Okay,” she said quickly. Too quickly.
Jesus, could you be more of a thirst bucket?
She followed Nick down the hall, excited and intrigued that he was inviting her inside of his apartment. As he unlocked the door, he shot her a nervous glance.
“Um, so I’m still setting things up.”
She started to say Okay, but her words caught in her throat when she witnessed the vast emptiness inside Nick’s apartment. The door closed behind them in a loud thud and it echoed throughout the space. There was a lone yellow armchair in the middle of the room. He had a flat-screen television set up on two milk crates. A laptop was placed on the kitchen island, and stacks of books lined the living room wall. It looked like he barely lived here. Like he didn’t plan to stay.
“I have to get more furniture,” he said, biting his lip self-consciously. “I’ve never had a place to myself before. I’ve never been able to afford it before. I’m still getting used to the idea. I don’t know how to fill it.”
She felt bad that he sat inside like this every day. It lacked warmth. The sense of home.