One moment I was looking at Cameron, getting a little lost in the way his eyes were roaming around my face like he was seeing something, a little part of myself, perhaps even me, for the first time. Sitting there with the tea he’d asked Tony to get me because he remembered I didn’t drink coffee after noon. A warmth that had nothing to do with the tea or the nearness of his body surging, breaking through me.
And the next, poof. Everything was gone.
At first it had been nothing more than a flash of color. A shape I’d told myself not to think anything of. But then, the guy moved, as if his intention was to approach us. His chest faced me, and I knew just how wrong I was. How foolish.
He wore a hoodie with the exact image I’d seen on the energy drink website. The can. The doodle of my face. The slogan: CHOOSE ENTERTAINMENT OVER DIGNITY.
It all came back to me then, the fact I’d never gotten an update from Miami. That I didn’t know when or if they’d taken legal action. What I knew was that there was a guy with my enraged face on his clothes. In North Carolina. So I panicked. My heart dropped to my feet, I felt all my blood leave my face, and I did what I should have probably done that day I arrived in Green Oak, right after I pulled the pin and made my orderly, neat life implode.
I ran.
Or I tried. Because instead, I whirled on the bench I was sitting, tripped over the water keg, and plunged into the ground, managing to squeeze the take-out cup so hard, the lid flew off and the contents spilled all over me.
It wasn’t pretty, and I was sure I’d gone down with a scream.
I should have been mortified, humiliated, really, because I’d been doing a lot of falling and tripping and I was, frankly, sick of it. And yet, even as I went through that hurdle, I kept thinking, Well, at least Cameron will look at me. Not at the man in the hoodie. At least the one person in town who hasn’t seen that horrible video won’t find out this way.
So I remained there, on the ground, like the dumbass I felt I was, catching my breath, and then, just as all the adrenaline started to come down and relief was quickly replaced by shame, Cameron was there.
His hands landed on me, and I didn’t want to look at him, because I was really done with the world. But all I could see was him. Curse after curse left his mouth as he touched and poked and palmed every limb and part of my body in an almost frantic way. Some vaguely there part of me thought to complain, but I was too overwhelmed. By the trip and the reminder of what my life had become. By the fact that there was some guy wearing merch with my face and what that could imply. By the now real possibility that Cameron could never look at me the way he had minutes ago. By… everything.
Cameron moved even closer as he kneeled there, and real, understandable words finally started leaving his mouth. “What the fuck, Adalyn,” he said those deep green eyes meeting mine with a gravity that shouldn’t have been there. Had I tripped so miserably? “Tell me you’re okay,” he demanded. “Did you hit your head?” One shake of my head. “What the fuck happened?” Another bob of my lips. “Why are you not talking, love?” Love. Love? My breath got stuck in my throat. “I saw you looking behind me. Did anyone say something to you?” His expression changed, and he started moving away. “I’m going to—”
“No,” I said, grabbing his arm.
He immediately halted, but that murderous expression was locked in place.
Why was he so mad?
There was movement in my peripheral vision, and when I looked, I saw merch-guy talking to Tony, then turning away. He was leaving, paying us no mind, and I should have been relieved, I really should have, but my heart was racing too fast and my head was all over the place.
I returned my attention to Cameron, noticing he hadn’t moved an inch. I wetted my lips, cleared my throat until I could speak, and then, said, “Can we go?” He still didn’t move. “Please. Can you take me home?”
That fierce and hostile emotion vanished from his face, and without a word, his hands moved, reminding me they were still on my body. They landed on my back and on my waist. He waited for me to take the first step, moving his shoulder closer so I could use it for support. I braced my hand there, pushed myself up, but the moment I placed weight on my left foot, I went down again.
“My ankle,” I yelped. “I think I sprained it.”
I was immediately lifted in the air.
My temple fell against a warm and solid chest. His scent surrounded me, making me feel things I didn’t want to accept. I closed my eyes. “God, that was so embarrassing.” A shaky breath left me. “I embarrassed myself and you guys. I’m so sorry.”
Cameron’s rib cage vibrated with something like a grunt or a scoff, I wasn’t sure and I didn’t want to know. I was scared he’d agree and tell me just how ridiculous I was. But those words never came.
He moved with those long and confident strides, holding me up in his arms, and the only thing he said was, “I’ve got you now, love.”
* * *
By the time we reached Lazy Elk I was… an assortment of jumbled things.
For one, I was in pain. The drive back hadn’t been long, and I’d been quickly checked by Grandpa Moe, but as my ankle cooled off, the pain had steadily grown into a sharp bite that kept a wince on my face.
I was also embarrassed. Still. It didn’t matter that Cameron hadn’t commented on the fall. It didn’t matter that he’d limited himself to driving in silence, sending me quick glances to check if I was still there. I could hear the wheels in his head turning from the passenger’s seat. He knew there was something wrong.
And last, but certainly not least, I was experiencing an array of emotions that went from confused to shocked to aghast to curious to giddy, only to return right back to confused.
Cameron had called me love.
He’d carried me to his car like the damsel in distress I’d never allowed myself to be, and called me love. He’d somehow produced an ice pack and placed it on my ankle after I had to endure those big warm hands prodding and touching and massaging my leg. His touch had been so clinical, such a medical, expert touch, that I’d scolded myself when those tingles had spread all over my body. I’d been mad at the electricity crackling under my skin, when all he’d been doing was checking on me.
I blamed the four-letter word that had come out of his mouth.
The I’ve got you now, too.
I didn’t understand. I was perplexed, besides being in pain and embarrassed and mad and dazed and simply… tired. So tired I wanted to sleep all of this away. Close my eyes and forget about today, and last week, and the week prior to that. I wanted to hibernate until all the mess that was my life went away.
So when Cameron killed the engine, and parked in the exact same spot he always did, I jumped out of the car with all the dignity I had left and limped away.
And just like every time I’d indulged in a dramatic escape, Cameron was suddenly right there.
His hands came around my waist, and he said, “Let me—”
But I raised a finger, putting a stop to his unnecessary rescue mission with a simple, “No.”
“No?” he repeated, but to his credit, his hands fell to his sides.
My voice wobbled when I said, “I don’t need you to carry me inside like I’m…” Someone you care about. Someone you get hot drinks when they’re cold. Someone you call love. “Something.”
His expression tightened and somehow fell, all at the same time. Cameron looked… hurt, if I had to choose an emotion. And I felt like I’d just kicked a puppy. Or a baby goat.
With a shake of my head, I limped toward the porch, Cameron close behind, and found a small box on my doorstep. I craned my neck to inspect the label, recognizing Matthew’s handwriting. I leaned down, flexing my supporting leg so I could pick it up, but everyone on this porch knew flexibility wasn’t my thing and the task turned out to be, frankly, impossible.
In a swift motion, Cameron picked up the box with one hand and lifted me in the air with his other arm.
“I told you—” I started.
“Cut the bullshit, will you?” he interjected, and how infuriating was it that his scolding was delivered in the softest, most gentle tone? “Good. Now that you have stopped bitching for a minute, can you please unlock the door?”