“Hey? Hi?” I waved my hand in front of his face.
“Sorry, give me oooooonnnneeee more second. Okay . . . and . . . sent.” He looked up from the screen and turned his phone around to show me what he was so focused on. “The gala made the front page of the Styles section. Do you know how much more attention that’s going to get us? I mean, we already surpassed our goal, but if we’re able to get even a few more donations, we’ll have the funding to develop the program across all the boroughs, not just Manhattan.”
“That’s really great news,” I said, and it was. For Gabe and for all the children who would benefit from his hard work. I was truly, deep down in my heart, happy to hear the event had been such a success, but this dark cloud, this writing on the wall that I’d been refusing to read, continued to hover and thicken over our relationship, and last night made it even clearer to me our lives were heading in separate directions.
“Great? It’s fantastic! President Clinton was the ace in the hole,” Gabe recounted, a wide smile on his face as he opened up the menu to scan it. “Breakfast was a good idea. I never even had dinner last night. Come to think of it, I didn’t sit down all evening, not once.”
“I know,” I remarked curtly.
He glanced up from the menu. “Hey, are you upset with me? I’m sorry I didn’t spend more time with you last night, but there was a lot on my plate.”
“I’m not upset, Gabe, I’m used to it,” I admitted, “but I can’t continue to be a total afterthought.”
His hands flew into the air in exasperation. “It was our biggest night of the year, the culmination of all my hard work and time, and I needed to give it a hundred percent of my attention. What’s so wrong with that?”
“Nothing. At all. That’s what I’m saying. But that audition was the culmination of all my hard work and time, and for some reason, you dismissed it like it didn’t matter. It mattered to me.” I moistened my lips and prepared to say all the things I’d been hesitant to acknowledge before. “I don’t think you’re invested in this relationship right now. There’s no room for me in your life. And I hate saying that because of all the wonderful things you do have room for, but it hurts too much not to be one of them.”
“Yesterday was a whirlwind. I do want to hear about your audition. Tell me what happened, I’m ready now.”
“That’s the point, Gabe. You’re ready now, but I needed you then.”
“Well, then wasn’t an option. And not because I don’t love you or wasn’t interested in what you were saying but because . . .”
I gave him a moment, curious to see how he would end that sentence, but even he was struggling to finish his thoughts. Deep down, I knew we were too scared to move on from one another, more in comfort than in love these past few months. But he’d been such a constant in my life that I hadn’t (until recently) even considered what a future without Gabe would look like. But now it was time. You don’t drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there. I took a deep breath and filled in the words for him. “Because deep down . . . deep down we want different things. I love you, but I think we both know it’s not working. Not anymore.”
He sat there in stunned silence, almost as if he wasn’t sure he’d heard me correctly. But when the weight of my words finally settled, he didn’t contradict me. He didn’t push back. Instead, he sat up a little straighter, deep lines of concentration etched into his face, no doubt considering the bitter truth we’d both been too scared to admit.
He expelled a forceful whoosh of air, and when he looked up at me, I wasn’t sure if I caught a glint of light flash in his eyes or a sheen of moisture that filled his stare. “I never meant to hurt you.”
“I know.”
He nodded. “I’ll move my stuff out of the apartment as soon as I can figure out where to go.”
“We only have a month left of our lease anyway, you keep the apartment. I can stay with Marisol,” I replied.
He stood up from the table and slung his green canvas bag over his shoulder, tucked his phone into his pocket, and leaned down to whisper in my ear. “For what it’s worth, I do believe in you. I always have, even if I didn’t always know the right way to show it.”
“I believe in you too, Gabe,” I managed past a thick lump in my throat.
He nodded, and with nothing more to say, turned around and walked out the door. Without looking back, he disappeared into the city, the wave of pedestrians sucking him into the crowd like a riptide. I looked once more, unsure if I’d made the right decision, but it didn’t matter . . . he was already gone.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
At the sound of the apartment buzzer, I double-checked my fancy updo in the hallway mirror, and noticing my naked earlobes, hurried to find the pearl drop earrings I’d pulled out of my jewelry box. I peeked my head out of my bedroom and saw that Lyla had answered the door, ushering Gabe in, while I finished getting ready for tonight’s fundraiser. I swiped on a coat of matte red lipstick, wafted through a final spritz of my favorite Chanel perfume, and checked myself one last time before sliding on my stilettos and stepping out into the living room.
As I made my way down the hallway, I could hear Sevyn’s voice, more serious than playful, grilling Gabe. “So, you don’t have a Tinder profile then?” she asked.
“Tinder? No. I’ve never been on Tinder.”
“Grindr? Bumble? Plenty of Fish? FarmersOnly?” she pressed, continuing her interrogation.
“No, no, no, and is there really a dating website specifically for farmers? Who knew? Truthfully, online dating was never my thing,” he admitted.
“Or so you sayyyyy.” She eyed him skeptically. “So then, what is your thing? Flushing house pets down the toilet?”
“Excuse me?” he asked.
Lyla jumped in. “Sevyn, he and Avery have known each other for years. I don’t think you need to give him the third degree.”
I entered the room, joining Lyla in her plea for Sevyn to back off the interrogation. “You’ll have to excuse Sevyn. She’s not only fiercely loyal, which I appreciate to no end, but she has had her share of questionable dates in the past.” Hearing my voice, Gabe turned to see me and sprang up from the couch when his eyes fully took me in.
“Oh my God, Avery, you look incredible. Gorgeous.” His eyes were wide, and he practically had to pick his jaw up off the floor.
“Oh, this old thing?” I joked and did a little twirl.
“Here,” he said, passing me a bottle of champagne. “I thought we could have a celebratory toast before we go.”
Sevyn leaned over to examine the label. “Veuve Clicquot, that’s really good stuff. I’ll grab some glasses for everyone.”
Clearly caught off guard by her assumption, Gabe stuttered, “Oh, um . . . okay. Great. Um . . . I guess we can all have a celebratory toast before we head out. Excellent.”