Scrubbing my palms down my face, I shook my head. Okay. Enough. I popped up and strode down the hall to my office, brought my computer to life, and logged into the administrator portal for the app. Cord was right. A client would keep me distracted from everything swirling in my head and the administrative tasks piling up on my desk.
Most new clients were paired with a coach automatically through our matching algorithm, but sometimes people’s intake information was reviewed manually if they made special notations or added unique comments. Three new registrations were in the queue to be assigned a coach the next morning, and I skimmed through them—an ex-bodybuilder from Akron, a retired teacher in Scottsdale, and an assistant in Chicago. The bodybuilder wanted to get back into the sport; I clicked the button to assign her to a coach we’d just hired who competed in natural bodybuilding competitions. I clicked the button to assign the teacher to me. SamTheMan6 had diabetes and a rare heart condition, so I sent the standard welcome email and added a note to have the client confirm they’d checked in with a doctor before coaching began. I dragged the mouse to x out of the system, but the assistant’s profile lingered on the screen.
I scrolled through her demographic information and the first few responses. Nonsmoker . . . wants to eat better . . . exercise more. Seemed standard, and I wasn’t sure what had kicked her application out of the automated process. I hovered over the button to assign her to someone else.
What are your specific short-and long-term goals? To look and feel good naked.
What does being healthy mean to you? To look and feel good naked after eating a salad.
Comments: I can work with anyone, except a Packers fan. I’d hate to have beef with my coach from the beginning.
I laughed out loud in the quiet office.
I reread her answers and chuckled again before clicking the button to assign myself as Bmoney34’s coach. I can handle two clients.
From: FitMiCoachWes1
To: Bmoney34
Sent: February 1, 7:12 p.m.
Bmoney34,
Welcome to FitMi Fitness! I am your coach, and my name is Wes (he/him/his pronouns). I’m excited to help you reach your goals. Please read the message below for important information about your registration and our programs—that will give you a good idea of what to expect.
I have a degree in exercise science and ten years’ experience coaching and teaching fitness and nutrition. You can reach me through the system on our website or through the mobile app.
Let’s get moving.
Wes
P.S. I’m a Bears fan from way back.
5
LIKED BY BETHANYHM AND 659 OTHERS
Have you heard about this new diet?
Underwear that camouflages your thighs?
Selfie poses to thin your face?
I’ve heard about them all. Spoiler alert: No one sticks to that diet and it probably doesn’t work anyway, the underwear cuts off circulation, and your friends know what you look like in real life, so who cares? That brings me to now. I’m Britta. I’m a writer, a coffee lover, a devourer of books, and I’m fat. I know that’s a scary word for many people, but I try not to give it that power. This project is not about me avoiding or running away from being fat. It’s not about chasing some arbitrary ideal body or anything like that. Truth is, I want to be more active and I want to eat better, so I’m about to sign up for a fitness app, request a personal trainer, and invite you to watch how it pans out. I imagine there will be tears, crushing defeat, and swearing along the way, but I promise to tell you the truth at every step. You can celebrate with me at the end.
So, have you heard about @FitMiFitness? #BestLife #TeamBritta From: Bmoney34
To: FitMiCoachWes1
Sent: February 1, 9:18 p.m.
Wes,
I’m surprised the website connected us so fast. I submitted my registration a couple hours ago. It’s nice to meet you.
I’ve never had a coach or trainer before. Are you going to make me eat kale and do yoga?
Bmoney34 makes me sound like a white rapper from the ’90s, but it’s been my go-to handle since the sixth grade. You can call me B.
B
P.S.—I hope you’re not judging my quick response on a Friday night. I promise I have a life.
From: FitMiCoachWes1
To: Bmoney34
Sent: February 1, 9:27 p.m.
B, To your questions, I won’t make you do anything. You decide—I just help you find the options. If you’re interested in yoga and kale, though, I’ve got stuff.
In terms of where to start, keep track of what you eat and how much exercise you do for the next week. Here’s a link to the tracking resources in the app. You can send me the results, and we’ll formulate a plan. There’s no right or wrong here.
What questions do you have?
Wes
P.S. Don’t knock white rappers from the ’90s. Where would we be as a country without the dope rhymes of Vanilla Ice? Also, no judgment. I’m writing you back on a Friday night.
From: Bmoney34
To: FitMiCoachWes1
Sent: February 1, 9:34 p.m.
Wes,
I don’t have to diet right away? This sounds like a trick . . .
Where would we be without Vanilla Ice? A profound question. He taught us so much as a nation. I think I like you. Until you recommend kale smoothies. At that point, you’re dead to me. I’ll start tracking tomorrow. You’ll know I’m lying if I say I ordered fruit and yogurt from Dunkin’, right?
B
From: FitMiCoachWes1
To: Bmoney34
Sent: February 1, 9:42 p.m.
B,
Diets rarely work, and I suspect you already know that, but I will help you make choices about food that work for your life. I find it’s better to spend the first few days paying attention to what you already do—it’s easy to ignore what we put in our bodies when we’re not paying attention, so tracking what you eat and how much you exercise now is where we’ll start. As you go, make note of how you feel (i.e., energized, tired, happy, etc.). It will give us a baseline.
Also, you indicated wanting to lose weight on the registration form—many of our clients do, but I want to make sure you know we don’t focus on that with coaching. It can happen when people exercise more and eat well, but my focus will not be the numbers on the scale, but on you moving more and feeling good. This is challenging for some people who have been conditioned to believe that the numbers are the only things that matter—let me know if you have questions.
I look forward to helping you meet your goals, and I’ll remember the thing about the kale smoothies.
Wes
P.S. Who gets fruit at Dunkin’?
I closed my laptop and headed for the kitchen to rinse out my glass. Turned out my new coach had jokes, which was a relief. Filling out the form and that first exchange had given me an idea for my next post, and I returned to my laptop, flipped it open, and began to write. If, on the off chance I one day won the Pulitzer for this piece, no one would need to be the wiser that I started it while a little drunk and in my underwear.
6
“HEY.” AARON TIPPED his chin up as I approached courtside and sat beside him. “We’ve got next.”
Aaron’s wife had been a personal training client, and I always wondered what kind of man could hold his own with Felicia. Turned out, no man ever tried, but Aaron seemed to enjoy being next to her while she bent the world to her will. I’d been playing basketball with him and some guys he worked with for about a year.
I tucked my phone in my pocket. “How’s it going?”
He shook his head and bounced the ball from palm to palm. “You hiring over at FitMi?”