And Noah has been there for every second of it.
I can’t remember a time when it’s been like this, when I’ve seemed to need someone like I’ve needed Noah—and with every passing hour where I give more of myself to him, an anxiety grows on my hindbrain like a parasite, fueling my actions, making me needy. I cling to him in sleep and while awake, and every second that he isn’t inside me feels like torture. Which, to be fair, hasn’t been very often.
My eyes are shut tight so I can focus on what I’m feeling—my thighs spread over his lap as I ride him, his fingers digging into my hips to help rock me against his cock. My body is just as lined with sweat as his, and the entire room at this point is a cloud of our scents morphing together to make something new, something intoxicating.
I gasp when his thumb finds my clit to tease, still sensitive from the orgasm he gave me only a few minutes ago. I have to brace my hands on his shoulders as my head lolls forward, trying to keep up the rhythm of my hips as he bounces me on his cock.
“Look at you,” he hums, slipping his thumb between my folds, where a gush of my slick escapes. “You’re making such a mess.”
“I’m—oh. I’m sorry, I—”
He leans up from the pillows to leave kisses at my jaw. “Don’t apologize,” he murmurs. “I like it.”
He’s been like this ever since we came here; he uses words and gives praises that are filthier than I’ve ever heard from him, and apparently the more primal parts of me fucking love it. His voice whispering dirty things in this sequestered room just for us makes me shiver, almost as much as his touch.
“I’m so close,” I groan.
His thumb continues to rub circles against my clit, his other hand curving against my ass to squeeze as he starts to meet my thrusts. “Can you take me again?”
His knot.
I’m practically addicted to it now. As good as it was before, now—when my entire brain seems to be functioning solely on instinct—his knot might as well be a cocktail of everything good I’ve ever had. The sensation of him filling me until it feels like he has no room left, like I might burst with it—it’s a pleasure that goes beyond just sexual and makes a home deep down in my bones as if my body is finally getting what it’s always wanted. What it’s needed.
Is this what it means to be what we are?
And because there is no room for embarrassment in my current state, I don’t hesitate to curl into him when I feel the urge, to press my tongue to the hot, throbbing gland at his throat that tastes purely of Noah. I suck at his pulse until he’s groaning, until his cock starts to swell like he might tip over the edge without me.
“I want it, Alpha,” I whisper hoarsely, nipping at his sensitive skin lightly. “I want you.”
My head spins as I start to rock my hips to match his pace, every undulation letting his cock slide against the most sensitive places inside me and setting off a shower of sparks in my belly. There is a delicious pressure that builds with every roll of his hips, and I know when it finally gives it will bring that sweet euphoria that comes with getting exactly what my body needs.
My thighs press tight against his hips as it becomes almost unbearable, so close to the edge that I can practically taste it, and when it finally comes, when I do—it’s an all-over relief, an unwinding in my entire body as if every part of me had been coiled tight.
I’ve long since learned that I like how Noah lets go, how his eyes close and his mouth sputters loud curses and his arms hold me tight—all of it satisfying parts of me I hadn’t known existed. His knot swells just like it had a dozen times before this, and it’s still as mind-blowing as it had been the first time. Maybe even more so now. I can’t really be sure.
I collapse against him after, my limbs heavy and my body spent, content to listen to the heavy thudding of his heart as we both catch our breath. I can feel his finger trailing back and forth along my ribs, making me shiver, his knot pulsing pleasantly inside me as he holds me to him.
I feel more aware this time, my mind less muddled in the afterglow of what we’ve just done, and I can tell we don’t have much longer of this frenzied little getaway.
“I think it’s starting to wear off,” I mumble into his chest.
He doesn’t say anything about it, really, but I can feel him tense against me, and then there is a soft kiss at my hair as he quietly urges me to rest.
I don’t know what he’s thinking, have no idea whether or not these days together have been just an itch we’ve both been scratching or if there is some part of him that’s feeling conflicted, just as I’m finding myself to be.
And what’s worse is that . . . it’s just now hitting me how afraid I am to know the answer.
* * *
?The next time I wake it’s to the feeling of a cool, wet cloth against my collarbone, the chilled fabric like heaven against my fevered skin. I smile softly as my eyes flutter open, catching Noah as he pulls the cloth away, looking at me with concern.
“You were sweating,” he says. “I didn’t want you to get sick.”
That same warm weight settles in my chest, and I bite back a larger grin as I wearily push myself up, wincing. “Jesus, I’m sore.”
“I’m sorry,” Noah offers guiltily. “Is it awful?”
I shake my head. “No. It’s a good sore.”
I can tell this pleases him, even if he tries to hide it. “Good,” he murmurs.
“How long was I out?”
He checks his phone on the nearby nightstand. “Six hours or so. Give or take. You slept for a while this time.”
“Ah, well.” I shrug. “That’s . . . good, right?”
“It probably means your heat is close to passing,” he notes, sounding almost . . . disappointed?
Could I be imagining that?
I try for something light. “I’m sure you’re going crazy not being able to work,” I tease.
Noah doesn’t miss a beat when he answers, holding my gaze with a sincerity that makes my lips part in surprise. “I don’t want to be anywhere else.”
“Oh,” I say quietly, unsure of what else to add to it.
Those warm feelings are shifting into my chest like burning embers, the heavy heat like a fire waiting to be stoked. I had been the one to assure Noah that we could be together like this without complicating things—that this little addendum to our arrangement would be nothing more than the two of us fulfilling each other’s desires without any strings attached. I had believed it when I said the words.
So why do I feel so unsure now?