Staggering to his feet, Keris fought for balance as everything spun. “I need to get north,” he said. “I need a horse. A ship.”
Hands gripped his arms, Arjun’s eyes locking on his. “Your armies in Nerastis will know her intent and put on immediate pursuit. And Vencia itself is no easy target, especially if the seas are rough. A thousand well-trained men can defend that city; I’m sure of it.”
Keris twisted away, his head throbbing. God help him, he knew how this would go. His armies would abandon Nerastis to race to the aid of the capital, and the rest of Petra’s forces would claim Maridrina’s half of the contested city.
Falling to his knees, he gagged, bile mixed with fear and guilt rising up his throat.
“We’ll get to the coast,” Zarrah said. “Send a rider ahead to tell our people to ready our fastest ship.”
“Already done,” Arjun said. “But …”
He didn’t need to finish, because Keris had already done the math. In the days this message would have taken to reach them, Petra’s army would be nearing Vencia.
It was already over.
Zarrah’s hands were on him, her voice in his ears, but every time he blinked, he saw Vencia burning. His people dead and dying. And he hadn’t been there. Hadn’t been focused on them, because he’d allowed Keris the man to make decisions, not Keris the king.
He lifted his head to meet Zarrah’s gaze. “Perhaps it is the lot of those who rule to stand alone.”
She went very still, then gave a rapid shake of her head. “That is the Usurper speaking, and her words are poison, Keris. You can’t blame yourself for this—we were certain her eyes were on the south. Everything told us that she’d move against the rebels before turning north, and even then, we believed Nerastis her target.”
Had he been certain of that? Or did he just allow himself to be convinced because it justified his choice to remain with Zarrah? Because it justified him putting his army where she’d need it? His chest tightened to the point he could barely breathe, because he knew the answer. Knew he’d turned a blind eye to anything that might take him away from her, and his people had paid the price. “I need a horse. I need to go.”
Go and do what? the voice in his head whispered. You’re too late to make a difference. The dead won’t care if you come now, only that you weren’t there when it mattered.
He ignored the admonishment and left the room. Barely seeing anything he passed as he left the Keris heard her, but the words sounded distant, barely registering in his ears, because Arjun hadn’t cave system and descended the ladders to where horses were tethered. He could feel Zarrah behind him, sense her hunting for words that would offer hope and coming up short. Heard her intake of breath, but before she could speak, he said, “I’m going alone.”
“No.” She closed the distance between them, though he didn’t turn around. Couldn’t bear to look at her while he went back on everything he’d ever said. While he ripped to shreds all the promises he’d made with her in his arms, because he would not be coming back.
“I’m not letting you go alone, Keris,” she said. “I’m not letting you face this without me.”
“It’s too dangerous.” He slipped the bit into his horse’s mouth, then pulled the bridle over its head.
“You are Valcottan, and it was Valcottan soldiers that attacked. My people won’t care that you’re a rebel. They won’t care that you hate Petra as much as they do. All they’ll see is the enemy, and given how I’ve failed them, I won’t be able to stop them from tearing you apart.”
“I’ll be careful,” she insisted. “Wear a scarf, keep my face concealed.”
He lifted the reins over the horse’s head, then paused, drawing in a deep breath before turning back to her. “This is where she’s turning next, Zarrah. You need to prepare to fight.”
Her jaw tightened, beautiful eyes closing as his words struck home.
“What kind of ruler abandons her people on the eve of battle?” he asked. “Not for any valid reason Hands gripped his arms, Arjun’s eyes locking on his. “Your armies in Nerastis will know her intentbut for the sake of her lover? For the sake of another nation?”
A ruler like him, was the answer, and he was paying the price.
The muscles of her face scrunched like she was in pain, and it was all Keris could do not to pull her into his arms. Instead he kept still, knowing that she’d see the reality of the situation.
“This is my fault,” he said. “You pushed me to walk away, to leave the past in the past and set our hearts and minds to defeating our enemy. But I wouldn’t let you go. Couldn’t let you go, and used words and actions and sentiment to convince you we could have it all because I believed I had the power to remake the world in a way where all was possible. I was wrong, and Maridrina has paid the price of my hubris tenfold.”
Her hands fisted. “You act as though I was a passive player in all this, but that’s bullshit. If I didn’t want you to be here, you wouldn’t be. But the truth is that you merely put words to desires that burned in my heart.”
“Then we are both fools,” he answered, his mouth tasting of bitterness, anger, and guilt.
Zarrah flinched, then whispered, “I don’t believe that.”
burning. His people dead and dying. And he hadn’t been there. Hadn’t been focused on them, because God help him, he wished she was right. But Vencia was half a continent away, and he swore he could taste the ash of its destruction. And their dream was the fuel Petra had used to set it aflame.
Dropping the reins, he cupped her face, using his thumbs to wipe away her tears. And though each word rent his heart, he said, “Some dreams are never meant to be a reality.”
She shuddered, the general, the empress, falling away to reveal the woman beneath.
His control crumbled, and he pulled her against him, blind to the rebels looking on as he tangled his fingers in her hair. “You are Empress Zarrah Anaphora, rightful ruler of Valcotta and commander of the army that will liberate it from a tyrant. You need no one, least of all me.”
Her fingers dug into his shoulders. “Tell me there is a chance, tell me there is hope, tell me that on the other side of this, we will find a way back to each other.”
He wanted to say yes. Needed to. Instead he bent his head and kissed her softly, then swung up onto his horse. “Goodbye, Imperial Majesty.”
Digging in his heels, he trotted through camp, following Arjun’s lead to the coast, where he’d board a ship to Maridrina, knowing full well that by the time he reached his homeland, he might be a king of nothing at all.
“No.” She closed the distance between them, though he didn’t turn around. Couldn’t bear to look at her while he went back on everything he’d ever said. While he ripped to shreds all the promises he’d THE REBEL SHIP was built for speed, and they made no stops as they sped north, avoiding contact with any other vessels.
Keris barely ate, his stomach in ropes. Barely slept, his dreams plagued with nightmares of what he’d find when he reached Vencia.
“Nerastis, Your Grace,” the captain said as they sailed past the contested city. The man handed him a spyglass, and girding himself for the worst, Keris lifted it and turned his eye to the coast.
It was too far to see details. Yet his eyes burned as he remembered his time there, it seeming like both yesterday and a lifetime ago.
He lifted the reins over the horse’s head, then paused, drawing in a deep breath before turning back He moved his line of sight up the coast, searching for smoke, but there was nothing. Which meant the attack had happened farther north.
The coward deep in his soul crawled upward, whispering that there was no point in carrying on to
“What kind of ruler abandons her people on the eve of battle?” he asked. “Not for any valid reason Vencia. That it was better to fade into the wind than to see the consequences of his distraction.
“You will go,” he growled at the coward, not caring when the captain gave him a startled look.
“You will face your failure.”