“But if you’re not going to tell her,” Anna said slowly, “why did you come here?”
It was a reasonable question and one she’d been asking herself constantly. “Because I only now this minute made that decision. Before arriving here, I hadn’t made up my mind what I was going to do. I was just doing the research. I read about her in the report. I read that she was widowed, and on her own with a child, and I thought about how she might be struggling, the way my mother struggled. And I thought I’d come here and check things out, see if maybe I could—” She stopped. Could what, exactly? Saying it aloud made her realize how ridiculous the whole situation was. “I thought maybe she needed help, but honestly it was a crazy idea. What sort of help would I be? What exactly would I say? Hi, you don’t know me—you probably don’t even know of my existence—but I wanted to check you’re okay. Hattie is clearly okay. She has a whole community looking out for her, including the Christmas tree guy, and even if she wasn’t okay, what am I going to do about it? I don’t know anything about kids. I don’t know anything about running an inn, particularly a country inn. I’m a city person. And honestly, she’d probably be less okay if she found out about me. It’s probably best if I just slink back into the shadows and stay as my father’s dirty little secret.”
Claudia frowned. “You don’t think she knows?”
“She doesn’t know. Why would she know? It was forty years ago. My father had a different life then. He clearly reinvented himself, very successfully, it seems.” The more she thought about it, the more she could see she’d made a big mistake. Some things were best left alone, and this was one of them. “I shouldn’t have come here. I think you’re right about leaving, but I don’t have the energy to go anywhere right now. We’ll stay one night, then check out tomorrow and go to Boston as you suggested. We’ll think of an excuse and let Hattie keep the money. I’ll pay for the next place, and I’m really sorry I’ve ruined our vacation.” And she felt terrible about that because she knew how important this week was to them all.
“You haven’t ruined anything,” Anna said. “And if you want to leave, then of course we’ll do that.”
She felt a rush of love for her friends. “Thank you. You probably think I made a bad decision coming here.”
“No.” Anna shook her head. “I think coming here was absolutely the right thing to do. Also, it’s so typical of you to want to check on Hattie even though you don’t know her and the whole thing is painful. It’s caring.”
Erica had a feeling that leaving without telling Hattie who she was would be more caring.
“What I keep wondering,” Claudia said, “is why your mother kept that card? If she didn’t intend to share it with you, which she obviously didn’t, why keep it?”
“I’ve asked myself the same question. I don’t know the answer.”
Anna was watching her. “At least if we stay tonight that will give you some time to reflect and be sure of your decision.”
“I’m already sure.” The more she thought about it, the more confident she was that she was making the right decision. “To Hattie, I don’t exist. And it’s better if it stays that way.”
“She doesn’t remember her mother, and she lost her father years ago, then her husband.” Anna’s voice was soft. “She might be pleased to discover she has family.”
“I don’t think so, but that’s because you and I are different. You see family as this wonderful positive force.” Erica paced to the fireplace and stared at the flames. “Sometimes it isn’t that simple.”
“You are her family.” Claudia was logical. “Whether you tell her or not doesn’t change that.”
“But it changes the actions. Enough.” Erica turned to look at them. “I’m not telling her. That’s my decision.”
“Whatever you want.”
She was grateful that they hadn’t argued with her. “And now I need stress relief. There’s no gym, and it’s too early for a glass of wine. Any suggestions?”
“There are acres of trails around the place.” Claudia glanced out the window. “We have at least an hour before it gets dark. Shall we go for a walk?”
“We could walk to that bookstore. Books are always a stress reliever,” Anna said and Erica nodded.
Anything to get out of here and clear her head. She didn’t like this version of herself. This unsure, shaken, indecisive version. She needed a dose of normal, and visiting a bookstore with her friends sounded suitably normal. It was a tradition when they met up for their book club. They always found the nearest independent bookstore and spent a few happy hours browsing and buying.
“The bookstore sounds like a good distraction. Let’s do it.” She looked at the room properly for the first time. Saw the size of the bed, the fur throws, the velvet sofa, the stack of carefully chosen books on the nightstand and the small Christmas tree sparkling in the corner of the room. It was stylish and comfortable and she felt a momentary twinge of regret that she was going to be checking out the next day. The feeling surprised her. She’d stayed in more hotel rooms than most, and generally she didn’t ever feel an inclination to curl up and move in forever. But that was the way this room made her feel.
It was welcoming. They could have relaxed here. They could have had a good time.
Who had chosen the decor? Was that Hattie—she wasn’t ready to think of her as my sister—or her husband?
What sort of person was Hattie? It gave her a jolt to think that there was someone in the world that she was related to but knew nothing about. All she knew about her was that she’d moved to the US with her husband, and that they had a daughter. Facts. She knew facts, but facts weren’t what made a person. She didn’t know what made her laugh. She didn’t know if she was a city person or a country person—presumably country, or she wouldn’t be living here? She didn’t know if she loved chocolate and could mix a good cocktail. She didn’t know what Hattie wanted out of life.
And she never would, she reminded herself, because it wasn’t her business. Hattie’s life, however that looked, would continue without her intervention or interference.
All she knew about Hattie was that she’d loved her father, that they’d been close, and that was something she and Erica definitely didn’t have in common.
ELEVEN
Claudia
Claudia watched as Anna slung her bag over her shoulder and buttoned up her coat.
“Let’s go straight out,” Anna said. “Right now. Let’s not even bother taking off our coats.”
Thank goodness for Anna, who was a master at handling delicate situations.
Erica eyed their luggage. “You don’t want to unpack and settle in first?”
Claudia nudged her suitcase to one side. “No point in unpacking if we’re leaving tomorrow.” She’d fallen in love with the place and the thought of leaving was depressing, but after everything Erica had done for her there was no way she was going to voice that thought.