Nathan approached her and leaned in close to be heard over the noise. “Congratulations.”
The crowd jostled them even closer, and Nathan’s hand darted out to keep her steady. Only his touch had the opposite effect, a disorienting shift that left her spinning.
“I brought you something.” He lifted a brown paper bag. “A gift to celebrate.” The curious eyes that turned their way made him lower it just as quickly. “Is there somewhere we can talk?”
The building was filled with glass walls. The only room with any real privacy was Matt’s old office. Nathan put the paper bag on a desk, next to a large bouquet of flowers. He stared at them a moment and then turned around, arms folded. “Lots of people out there.”
“I know.” She took a breath and kept her hands against her sides. No more armor. “I should have asked for RSVPs. It’s probably a building code violation.”
His eyes lifted briefly to the ceiling. “So, this place is yours?”
“Yes. I plan to repurpose it as affordable art studios for people just starting out.”
He grinned. “You mean people like me?”
She rolled her eyes. “Every dealer in the Western Hemisphere wants to work with you right now, so no. But you’re welcome to fill out a donation card.”
He laughed. God, she’d missed that. Making him laugh.
“I’d be happy to donate,” he said. His smile faded, and he studied her. “So, I guess you’ve been keeping tabs on me.”
Heat flared across her cheeks, but she didn’t bother denying it. “I might have set up a Google Alert or five. A lot of people misspell your name.”
He moved closer. “I bet you’re in the comments, setting them straight.”
“Of course. Someone has to protect your search algorithm.”
Their laughter interlaced, and she wanted to bottle the sound for safekeeping. Nathan cleared his throat. “None of it would have happened if it wasn’t for you,” he said, staring at her in a way that used to unnerve her, like he was picking apart her thoughts. Any minute now he’d realize how desperate she was to touch him again. The space between them was the only thing keeping her emotions in check.
Her new therapist, Diane, had told her to focus on living in the present. That she’d spent so much time in that hovering, floating headspace that she was disconnected from her own feelings. “It’s hard to trust someone you don’t know,” Diane had said, in that patient and firm way that Rachel knew she needed. “You’re so alienated from who you really are that being in your body is like living with a stranger.”
Facing Nathan, she did her best to remain flat-footed. She looked for something tangible to focus on and pointed to the brown paper bag. “Are you going to show me what’s inside?”
“Right.” He hesitated and gripped it tighter. “I thought maybe you could use it.”
He pulled out a bottle of Pappy Van Winkle, and her eyes filled when she saw it. This was classic Nathan, doing something thoughtful in those barely visible ways that seeped through the cracks in her heart. It was how he’d always loved her.
“Fuck.” He put the whiskey down. “Okay. Please don’t cry.”
She bowed her head so he couldn’t see her face. “I’m sorry. This wasn’t what I wanted. I wasn’t trying to lure you here for this.” She gestured at her tears with disgust. “The exhibit is about working on forgiving myself and not being ashamed of who I am. I know that’s why I hurt you. And I have no right to ask you for a second chance, so I won’t, but I miss you.” Her eyes watered again, and she rubbed them hard, hoping to stop the flood. “I really miss you, so maybe we can start over. As actual friends this time? And I can work on earning back your trust.”
He looked down, like he was gathering courage to do something hard. She held herself still and prepared to be gutted. “Rachel, can I ask you something?”
She nodded.
“What were you going to say when we were dancing at the gala? Before we were interrupted?”
So much had happened since that night, that her mind blanked for a moment. And then she remembered how desperate she’d been to tell him everything. That he was right to walk away from her and deserved so much more than what she had offered. And that she had wanted to give him that. Love with no strings attached. But now it all stuck like glue inside her throat.
“Don’t you already know?”
Nathan gently opened her arms and pulled her closer, until she was pressed against his body. “I do,” he said, and brought his lips so close to hers that they were almost touching. “But I want to hear you say it.”
Her “I love you” was smothered by his kiss. He leaned back and touched her cheek, tracing her bottom lip with his thumb. “I don’t want to start over. Or be friends. I just want you.”
“I want you too,” she said, the words still tumbling out as he kissed her again. Slower. Savoring it, even as his heart hammered against her palm.
“Guess what?” he asked as his mouth moved lower to her neck.
“What?”
He nuzzled her and mumbled, “Today’s my birthday.”
“Oh, happy birthday,” she whispered as he trailed kisses up to her ear. “Can we celebrate? Is there anything special you want?”
Nathan cradled her face in both hands. “I have a very long list.”
He moved to kiss her again, but the door swung open. Faith yelped, and Rachel spun around to find her daughter staring pointedly at the floor.
“Mom, I am so, so sorry. Sorrier than you’ll ever know.”
“It’s okay,” Rachel said. She glanced at Nathan, who was red-faced with embarrassment. “Nathan, this is my daughter. Faith.”
He offered a stiff outstretched hand, realized how odd that was, and switched to a mildly less awkward wave. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”
“Same,” Faith said. “Mostly from my class group chat. You’re very popular with the pastry chefs. They spend all day airbrushing ombré frosting, so they probably overidentify with you or something.”
Nathan laughed. “Well, I’m just grateful it’s all about icing and not shit-talking my clothes.”
Faith gave him a half smile. “We’re taking Mom out to celebrate after. You’re welcome to come along.” She lifted her hand. “But please try to keep the PDA to a minimum. This is still the woman who used to reenact Blue’s Clues to help me fall asleep.”
He smiled. “I’d love to come.”
“So.” Faith clasped her hands and nodded at the door. “You two ready to face the world?”
Nathan looked at Rachel. “What do you think? Are we done hiding?”
Rachel wrapped her arms around him and said, “Yes,” so quickly, it made him laugh. Nathan kissed her temple and pulled her in closer. Faith opened the door, and the world rushed in: loud and bright, with dozens of phones aimed in their direction. But Rachel barely noticed the stir they caused by walking out together, so obviously a couple. Because she didn’t have to. Not anymore.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS