Bobbi paused midchop to glare at him. She was tall, nearly his height, and usually wore her long hair piled on top of her head in a gravity-defying bun. He’d never seen Bobbi fight anyone, but he had once seen her stare down a cop so hard that he ripped up a parking ticket. Nathan took another drink of his coffee and vowed to keep all egg-related opinions to himself.
“I drew that thing you asked for,” he said.
She dropped the knife and clasped her hands. “Ooh! Can I see?” Bobbi vibrated with the same energy that she brought to discovering a new restaurant or adding a dish she’d created to the menu at work. Unlike his erratic relationship with art, Bobbi’s passion was focused and uncluttered—a laser aimed at whatever brought her joy. Sometimes he avoided putting his work in her crosshairs because he didn’t want to disappoint her. But other times, like now, her excitement was contagious. It made him feel like the hours he burned away struggling to capture his daydreams on paper weren’t a complete waste of time.
Nathan sent her the image. He didn’t draw things for other people very often, but when Bobbi asked for one of her favorite characters from the Phoenix Prophecies series, he couldn’t say no. Those books were the reason they’d been friends since junior high. If she hadn’t caught him reading Lost Among the Ashes during detention, she would probably still be calling him Nate the Late behind his back. He’d racked up more tardies in a single semester than any other kid in his grade that year.
Bobbi was the only person who understood why he posted Phoenix fan art online. It wasn’t just loving the books. It was the satisfaction of channeling his compulsive need to draw into creating something that people wanted. This one was for her first tattoo. He had drawn Neptune for her, a water mage cradling the moon as she hovered above the ocean. Nathan had surrounded the character with waves, the whitecaps indistinguishable from the flowing fabric of her dress. Neptune’s coloring was similar to Bobbi’s golden skin tone. Her hair was inky curls that floated up and merged with the night sky.
Bobbi gazed at the picture with such adoration that he snuck another look at his work, trying to see it through her eyes. But he could only see the flaws, so he quickly dimmed the screen again.
“This is amazing,” Bobbi said. “You really outdid yourself, Nettles.”
Nathan thanked her with a no big deal shrug. His throat was tight, and any attempt at words would probably become some raw and messy confession about how down he’d been feeling lately. Bobbi would freak. Then she’d tell Dillon and both of his friends would converge, wringing their hands because Nate’s not himself, which would force him to admit that he actually was being himself. He’d been this needy his whole life, but had never let them see it.
Nathan popped a chili pepper into his mouth. The burn cleared his head, but quickly escalated into a coughing fit that made his eyes water. Bobbi nudged over a bowl of shredded cheese and resumed ogling the picture.
“You keep getting better,” she said. “Did you try a new technique this time? No, don’t tell me. I like trying to figure it out on my own.”
The cheese helped, but his mouth was still on fire. “Don’t put those peppers in whatever you’re cooking.”
“Did you get the link I sent you about selling your designs online? People would pay a fortune for something like this.”
“For a tattoo of some book character?” His laugh was strangled by another cough. “I don’t like encouraging questionable choices.”
“Okay, hypocrite.” Bobbi pointed to the evidence of his Phoenix devotion tattooed on his forearm.
“A phoenix is objectively badass.” He ran his hand over the image. “I can make up ten stories about where this came from.”
She put her phone away and ate one of the demonic peppers without wincing. “You shouldn’t be ashamed of what inspires you.”
Nathan wasn’t interested in starting another debate about whether he should post his work under his real name. While Bobbi’s hobbies were indistinguishable from her career, Nathan preferred to keep his life in separate, tidy compartments, to ensure the different parts never touched. She saw his obstinate expression and huffed in defeat. “Dillon’s been blowing up my phone since you ditched him last night.”
“I didn’t ditch him. I wasn’t feeling those two girls he met at the gas station.”
“Sounds like you were being an asshole.” She dumped a handful of vegetables into the eggs, picked up a whisk, and stirred with superhuman speed.
“I bought them all dinner!” Nathan looked away from the bowl, his stomach rolling at the slimy consistency. He wasn’t totally recovered from his whiskey binge the night before. After mindlessly finishing the bottle, he’d called a Lyft and spent the rest of the night on his couch, scrolling through articles and social media posts about Rachel Abbott.
People used #BlackElsa to post about how cold and boring she was. But the photos hit differently now that Nathan had the husky Demi Moore voice and dark sense of humor to pair with the flawless face. She put on plastic smiles for the camera, but last night she’d been viscerally real, electric and changeable like a summer storm.
He read through a few posts debating whether she wore a wig to a cancer research fundraiser before he switched to reading news articles that were probably planted by her husband’s staff. Apparently, the buzzed woman who’d asked him, a stranger, for weed was passionate about drugs and alcohol education in schools. She also taught kindergartners how to garden. He’d drifted off scrolling through photos of her squatting next to starry-eyed kids.
Bobbi closed the oven and tossed her potholders on the counter. “What is going on with you?”
If he didn’t answer, she would keep prodding. Bobbi’s stubbornness about helping the people she loved could occasionally be obsessive. The last time he tried to freeze her out of one of his dark moods, she’d planted herself on his couch for a week.
But each time he tried to pinpoint a specific thing that was bothering him, the opposite thing felt just as true: He was lonely, but he was also tired of being around people. He was bored, but the things he enjoyed weren’t appealing. Sometimes it felt like he was existing underwater, looking up at everyone thriving above the surface, breathing the stale air he couldn’t stomach. But he couldn’t say that to Bobbi. She’d lecture him about wasting time running the laundromat and tell him to research art schools again. He loved drawing, but he hated school. Or school hated him. Every teacher unlucky enough to have him walk through their door had been relieved to see him walk back out again.