At this moment, I don’t care about the future.
“I know this is just for tonight. But it’s okay.” My hand shakes as I touch his chest. “I want to be with you, if that’s what you want. It’s just that I don’t know what to do,” I say, feeling inept.
“Are you… You’re not a …” He doesn’t finish, but I know what he’s asking, and I wish I could avoid this conversation.
I blush deep and look away. “It’s not a big deal.” Feeling like a freak, I shift, putting a little space between us. “It’s not like I’m saving myself or something. And I’ve done things, just never that thing. It seemed like something I’d do with a boyfriend, but I’ve never dated anyone for long enough to feel that comfortable. I know you’re not my boyfriend,” I rush out, not wanting him to think I’m clingy or deluded. “But it’s way past time to get it over with.” I shrug, trying for a casual smile and failing. “And I’d like it to be with you.”
His expression scorches my nerve endings. “Olivia, it is a big deal,” he insists. “Quick and casual is not who you are or what you deserve. Especially not for your first time.”
“Thanks for telling me who I am. I wasn’t sure,” I mutter, annoyed now. “And thanks for mansplaining my virginity.”
I want to argue further, insist it’s my choice, but I’ve had enough rejection for one month. I’m not going to beg. I sit up and push my hair out of my face, straightening my clothes.
He reaches for me and pulls me back down to him. My breath comes out in a squeak, and I find myself face-to-face with a fierce-looking Chase. It’s a good look for him. Let’s be real; all his looks are good.
“Hi,” I say.
“Hi.” His lips quirk. “I don’t want to do anything that will hurt you. But we were having a nice time. At least, I was. And I’m pretty sure you were. Let’s just watch the movie and not worry about anything else.”
“You want to watch the movie?” I ask dubiously.
“And…other things. Just not that thing.” He flashes me a teasing grin as he echoes my earlier words.
“What kinds of other things?”
“Kissing things.”
I nod slowly. “Any other things?”
He shakes his head. “Too dangerous. You’re not good for my sanity or my control.”
Heat blankets some of my annoyance. I love the idea that I might make him lose control because he does the exact thing to me. A naughty impulse inspires me to brush against him. He’s still rock-hard, and I feel better about his rejection of other things. He’s not lying about wanting me. My fingers want to linger there, feel the steely strength, but he grasps my hand and gently pulls me away from his cock. Fire burns in his eyes.
“Careful, love.”
I melt at the word and the rough, desperate rasp of his voice.
“So, we just kiss?”
He nods. “Like in high school. Those long make-out sessions.”
“I didn’t really have them.”
He thinks about it. “Actually, me neither.”
I narrow my eyes. “Somehow, I can’t believe you didn’t make out with girls in high school.”
“Oh, I didn’t say that. Just that we weren’t confined to kissing.” His laugh is wicked.
I punch him, and he laughs harder, grabbing my hand. He pulls our joined hands up above me on the couch and twists us in one smooth move. I lie on the sofa, looking up at him, and he looms over me with a seductive promise.
“What are you waiting for?” I ask.
“You have to tell me what you want,” he taunts.
I lick my lips and try to form the words.
“You,” I murmur. “Only you.”
This is the moment I know for sure that some risks are worth everything.
CHAPTER 19
Chase
High school sucks.
Making out with Olivia is paradise, but stopping before we go too far? That’s torture.
We’re on the couch, the movie long since forgotten, kissing like the world will end tomorrow. We alternate between a desperate fusion of mouths, teeth clacking, tongues thrusting; and long, lazy, sensual explorations.
Younger me would say we make it somewhere between first and second base. Hell, I give her a damn hickey, something I don’t think I’ve ever done, even as a teen. But I’m territorial about Olivia in a way I’ve never been about anyone else. I want to mark her, a brand to announce that she’s mine.
I try to keep my hands in safe zones, but I can’t help skimming her side, dipping into her cleavage, and when she begs me, I give us both relief by palming her full breasts and rubbing her nipples. I memorize the sweet sounds she makes when I touch them, my tongue in her mouth, my body covering hers. I want to worship at the altar of her curves. To suck, to lick, to tease, to do every dirty thing to them. I grind against her, my dick rock-hard, and she pushes back, assuaging the ache at the center of her. I’ve never been more turned on, and if we keep at this much longer, I’ll embarrass myself in my jeans.
On fire, I exert all my will to wrench my hands to safer zones and ease off her. I’m dying to lick her until she screams and comes for me, to show her—graphically and often—just how good sex can be.
But she’s not someone I can fuck and leave. I care about her. She’s my best friend. And a damn virgin. She deserves more than I can give.
Panting, I close my eyes and breathe in and out, trying to remember a Shakespeare monologue my acting coach once made me memorize. When I’m in better control and my heartbeat has slowed, I roll over and tuck her onto my chest, thankful that the hotel’s couch is wide enough to accommodate us.
The bed would be more comfortable, but far, far more dangerous. And I’m not ready to have her leave. Not yet. Even if we can’t do more, we can still have this night together.
She makes a little huffing noise. “Why’d you stop?” Olivia asks, leaning up on me, her hair falling like a curtain on my chest.
I brush her hair back, reveling in the softness, then follow the line of her shoulder, up her neck, to the curve of her chin, over her full lips, where I rest. She closes her eyes and lets out a shuddering breath. I trace my thumb over her top lip, then her bottom. She reaches out and touches me with her tongue, and with that one gesture, I’m undone again.
“We have to stop. Sleep,” I urge in desperation.
“I can’t.” She laughs. “I’m too…”
“Horny,” I supply, grinning even through the frustration.
“Maybe.”
“Same. You make me out of my mind. You’re everything I want.” My words, soft and fierce, are wrenched from my chest. If there’s one thing I can give her, I hope it’s this understanding.
She smiles against my skin. “That’s flattering, yet hard to believe.”
I shift my hips until she moans, feeling my still massive hard-on against her thigh.
“Believe that,” I growl.
She’s quiet for a long time. “Chase?”
“Yeah?”
“If we’re both so…keyed up, why can’t we? I know I’m a virgin, but I told you, it’s not a big deal. It’s not like I’m guarding my virtue or took a vow of purity.”
“We already talked about this. Because I’m leaving. And you’re not a girl who someone fucks and leaves.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“You deserve your first time to be with a guy who can promise you more than one night.” I want to tear down the world at the thought of her being with someone else. But she deserves love and happiness, even if it can’t be me who gives it to her. “Never sell yourself short like that.”
“But you don’t do that. You have one-night stands, right?”
I frown, but I don’t answer.
“So, why isn’t it okay for me to have sex for just one night?” She narrows her eyes. Feisty Olivia is so damned hot.
“It’s not the same thing.”
“Double standard much?”
I don’t answer her, just kiss the top of her head again. Her hair smells like my shampoo, and I find I like that. She sighs. It’s a frustrated, discontented sound, like an annoyed cat.
The truth is, I’m dying to make her come, but my fear is that if I do, I won’t stop there. I’m too aroused to trust my restraint. So instead, I say, “This is enough. This is everything.”