Oh God. Everyone now knows.
All of the aches and pains, the constant congestion and flu and nausea, seem to dial up to their maximum capacity. Staring at Poppy it’s as if she’s underwater, everything around me a sickening blur of shapes and colours. I’ve tried so hard to hide it. I know I’ve been grumpy and distant. I know I look like shit. But as long as no one questioned it, or pointed anything out, I was fine. I could get by. Now it feels like there’s a neon sign pointing to me: addict, addict, addict.
The only person who knew, besides Harry when he broke up with me for it, was Chloe, who caught me taking it at this very party.
She covered for me. And I covered for her.
That was our agreement.
“London is such a hotbed for that kind of thing.” Poppy sighs, as if this upsets her. “You’d be surprised at some of the children that come in due to drug issues. It’s a terrible world out there. But Tanya kept it very under wraps.”
“That’s not why I was fired,” I say, finding my voice. “It had nothing to do with that. They fired me for incompetence. They didn’t know I was . . . I took drugs too. I’ve hidden that part of myself.”
“Oh, Tanya.” Poppy shakes her head at me. “You’re smarter than that. You’re an independent contractor. Why do you think no one has hired you since? One bad gig and that’s it, you’re finished? Unlikely.”
I’m starting to doubt myself. “But they didn’t know. They didn’t know the reason things went wrong was because I was high.”
“Someone made sure they did know. Someone wanted to protect client friends of theirs.”
“No.” I turn to Chloe, furious. “Did you tell them?”
She looks like a deer in headlights, mouth open. “No! Tanya, I didn’t!”
“When I think of what I did for you!”
“I didn’t, I promise!”
“It was me.”
Everything falls silent. We all turn to Esther, who is red-faced and beginning to stutter.
“You have to understand,” she says. “A lot of people at that party are clients of mine, and I’d booked you for the event. It was embarrassing. They wanted more of a reason than that you were incompetent. So I told them the truth. I tried to sell it as a sob story, that you were struggling. It backfired.”
“Oh, wonderful,” Poppy says. “I didn’t have to tell you myself. Look at Esther playing the good girl.”
My head is swimming. “But how did you even know?”
“I was at that party too,” she says quietly. “I saw everything.”
“Oh my God.” I can’t believe it. “All this time, and you didn’t tell me? And then you got me fired and made sure I never got another job again? How could you?”
“Please.” She tries to reach for me, and I back away, disgusted.
“Get away from me.”
“So now you all know why I brought you here,” Poppy says. “I wanted to see whether the four of you had changed and become better people, or whether you were still the same shallow self-centred girls who left me behind at school in pieces and never came back. And what did I find? More of the same. If not worse. I had to punish you all. You deserved it for what you did to me.”
“You’re pathetic,” Annabel hisses. “You won’t get away with this.”
Chloe holds her phone in the air. “As soon as I get signal, we’re calling Robin or whatever her name is and getting the hell out of here. And you will regret this.”
“I’d hurry up with getting signal if I was you,” Poppy says. “Because your phones only have so much battery left, and I’ve thrown all your chargers into the sea.”
It’s the final straw. Already enraged, I step towards Poppy and push her with both hands into her chest. She stumbles backwards, but manages to catch herself from falling. I’m about to go for her again when Esther pulls me away.
“Don’t, Tanya,” she says. And then, under her breath: “Not right now anyway.”
“Get off me!” I snap. “You’ve done enough to me. You’re almost as bad.”
Poppy smirks, and it takes everything in me not to launch myself at her once more.
“I don’t know what you’re smiling about,” I say. “You won’t be smiling by the time I’m finished with you.”
She mocks fear, clapping a hand to her mouth. “I’m shaking where I stand.”
The rest of us have closed ranks against her, standing as four against one. We’re in no fit state anymore, destroyed by the endless revelations. Poppy seems to sense this too, because she folds her arms, relaxing her guard.
“I’m taking a walk,” she says. “You all need to think about what you deserve. Because there’s more to come. We’ll talk later.”
“More to come?” I say. “Who do you think you are?”
Chloe’s hands are trembling. “Haven’t you done enough?”
Annabel bites her lip, and Esther is shaking her head.
“Poppy!” I call. “Tell us!”
But she ignores me now, turning from us and walking away.
Esther scowls. “What the fuck are we going to do?”
I hate her. But I hate Poppy more. I turn to Annabel and Chloe, who are steadfastly ignoring one another.
Poppy vanishes from sight.
“She’s trying to fuck with us,” I say. “She wants us arguing. She wants us divided.”
Chloe nods. “Should we go after her? What did she mean by ‘later’?”
“No.” Esther still seems shell-shocked by it all. “I have no idea what she meant. But we can’t think about that right now. We need to get out of here.”
“Do any of you have signal to call Robin?” I ask.
They shake their heads.
“Well, keep checking. We’ll get off here soon enough.” But the battery on my phone is at ten percent, and I’m not holding out much hope.
“I’m drinking this fucking gin,” Annabel says, taking it from the table and opening it up. “Who’s joining me? Let’s drink our prize from the scavenger hunt.”
“You’re on,” I say.
“You’re drinking at a time like this?” Esther says. “After everything that’s just happened?”
“When else is there a better time?” Annabel snaps. “Our lives have been ruined. I say we drink.”
She pours enough for a double, then passes me the bottle. I pour one for everyone else, even Esther, and each of us drink it straight back, needing the alcohol to numb our feelings to everything that has just happened. The gin is surprisingly bitter and hard to get down, but that just makes me more determined to drink it.
“This tastes like shit,” Annabel says. “Some prize.”
“Fuck her,” Chloe says. “Let’s wreck this place.”
“Let’s get fucked ourselves,” I say.
My rage is focused on Poppy Greer. For now, everyone else seems to be in agreement.
“She’s dead,” Annabel says. “I’m going to kill her.”
“Not if I kill her first.” Chloe raises her glass in the air. “To sending that bitch to hell.”
We all toast, our faces solemn. From catching my reflection in the glass I can see I’m pale, white with wrath.
“What are we going to do?” Esther says. “Shouldn’t we talk about what happened?”
“I think you’ve done enough talking,” I say.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t think you would be blacklisted like that.”
“Did you all know?” Annabel asks. “You all knew about Tanya’s cocaine addiction and didn’t tell me? Just like Morocco?”
“I didn’t know that Esther knew. She kept that all to herself.” A bottle of unopened tonic sits on the side and I add it to the gin. “It’s hardly comparable to a fucking holiday, Annabel.”
“No.” At least she has the grace to look a little ashamed. “I know that. I just don’t know why you didn’t try to get some help.”
Maybe because I didn’t feel like I deserved any.
“I thought I could handle it,” I say instead.
“My career is over,” Chloe says. “All because I made one stupid joke.”
“My career too.” Esther sighs.
“You deserve it,” Annabel says to Chloe. “It was your own fault. Look at that. Your actions have consequences.”
“Annabel,” Esther says in a warning tone. “Leave it. We have bigger problems. We need to deal with Poppy.”
“Were we really that bad?” Chloe asks. “At school, I mean. To Poppy. Did we deserve this?”
Esther’s response is instant. “No. We were kids. Yes, we could be harsh at times, but that’s nothing compared to what Poppy has done now.”
“What she’s done now is unforgivable,” Chloe says, ignoring the scowl from Annabel.
The alcohol is finally masking some of my withdrawal symptoms. “So what are we going to do about her?”
“She’s the one who should be frightened,” Esther murmurs.
We all look at one another. Do we dare?
“She’s all alone on this island with us,” Chloe says. “I don’t think she thought that one through.”
“She needs to watch her back,” Annabel agrees.
“Could we do it?” I whisper. “Would anyone even care if she . . . never came home?”