Kilian still had a more streamlined look with lithe muscles and a graceful posture, but there was less softness in his face. The angelic features were still there, but they were far more dangerous. He used to look like the perfect angel, but now he looked like he could probably tempt angels to rip off their wings and dive right out of the sky.
Elijah and Gabriel had grown taller and more intimidating with their matching deadpan expressions and standoffish personalities. Elijah always kept his hair at the same length, but something about his face had definitely changed. Unlike the others, it made him seem decades older instead of a couple of years. It wasn’t that he looked tired or drawn, but there was just far too much intelligence in his eyes. It was like he understood more than he let on and was operating a few levels higher than everyone else. Gabriel’s shoulders had widened to almost match Niko’s, but his body was still far less bulky, both he and Elijah maintaining perfect dancer’s physiques.
And she was more or less the same. She didn’t have the crazy growth cycle the Alphas did. She was the same height, the same weight … though her hair had grown a few inches.
Still, she had changed inwardly. When she looked back, she could barely recognise the girl she had been in her first week at Ironside.
As soon as her plate was empty, she washed it up and left the others on the rooftop, taking her margarita downstairs with her and slipping into Kilian’s room. She climbed onto his window seat and propped up her phone to catch up on the last few Ironside episodes she had missed.
It wasn’t that she really wanted to watch them—she already knew what happened because it was all anyone talked about—but she was searching for a moment of normalcy. She had been feeling a pervading sense of joy that refused to abate for long ever since she danced with Elijah and Gabriel, but the feeling was so foreign it was actually beginning to swirl into panic as it tried to make itself at home in her body.
She crossed her legs, sipped the dregs of her margarita, and let her mind go blank, dispersing the joy and worry and panic like none of it mattered, the way she used to do every night in her first year.
Not that there had been any joy, back then.
The Alphas must have sensed that she needed some time alone because even though she could hear them all coming downstairs an hour later, they didn’t disturb her.
As the sun set across her outstretched legs, she jumped up to grab a blanket and drag it back to the window seat with her, where she curled into a ball, using her arms as a pillow as she stared at her phone. When the sky grew dark and her sight started to blur with fatigue, there was a soft knock on the door and Kilian poked his head inside.
“Can I come in?” he asked, flicking his attention from her curled-up form to her phone and back.
“Yes! It’s your room!” She started to struggle upright, but he held out a hand.
“Don’t.” He stepped into the room and kicked the door closed behind him. “You look so comfortable.”
“I was just catching up on Ironside.”
“Do you want a hug?”
She blinked at him. “Actually, ye—”
He scooped her up before she could finish, claiming her seat and bundling her into his lap. She relaxed instantly, infuriating tears threatening to appear. It was just too much of a relief to have Kilian. Beautiful, perfect, not-a-threat Kilian. She could feel however she felt about him, and it would never mean anything.
“Today was a bit much, hm?” he rumbled into her hair, carefully stroking the strands out of her face as she rested it against his chest.
“I’m never going near a closet again.”
He laughed, bundling her closer. “What about next time you want to come, baby?”
Hearing him rumble out those words in his soft velvet voice made her thighs immediately clench together. A reaction she attempted to ignore completely.
“I’ll do it myself.”
He exhaled a sharp puff of air. “When did you get so dangerous?”
“Huh?” She tilted her head to glance up at him and he quickly looked away.
“Nothing. You didn’t have sex today, did you?”
“Um. I don’t think so?” She dropped her head again, breathing in his bergamot scent.
He laughed again, the motion jolting her head slightly. “You’d fucking know, Illy. Especially with Oscar. Do you mind if I call Niko in here?”
“What for?”
“Just a little talk. Is that okay?”
She nodded, watching him curiously as he fished out his phone and sent a quick text, but his expression was soft and calm, preventing the anxiety from climbing back into her stomach.
When Niko came in, he walked straight over, picked up her phone and paused the Ironside episode before kicking off his shoes and sitting opposite them. He kicked up his legs along the edge of the window seat, lending her some of his heat without actually touching her.
“Big day?” he asked, his voice a pleasant rumble, free from any kind of inflection that could put her on edge.
“I … guess so.” She looked from him and up to Kilian, who only gave her a reassuring smile, his fingers running up and down her arms over the blanket she was still wrapped in.
“Are you okay with everything that happened today?” Niko asked, his beautiful mossy eyes showing nothing but kindness, no negative emotion emanating from him.
“Are you guys shielding your emotions from me?” she asked.
“We’ve been trying to.” Niko tilted his head in curiosity. “Are you avoiding my question for a reason?”
She sighed, folding her arms across her chest, the blanket slipping down. “I wanted everything to happen. I’m just surprised at myself, that’s all. I’ve never been very … boy crazy, I guess. Or girl crazy,” she quickly tacked on, for Kilian’s benefit.
That seemed to amuse him because he chuckled.
“Do you think the bond is making you feel this way?” Niko asked, now watching her very carefully.
She shook her head. “I wanted to think that for a while. I thought—since I’m not supposed to be able to scent you—that your scents were like … hypnotising me?” She looked down at her lap, embarrassed. “That sounds stupid.”
“No, it doesn’t.” Kilian let out a low, short growl that he quickly cut off. “Nothing you say to us right now will sound stupid.”
“And now?” Niko pressed, reaching out to lay his hand over her blanket, somehow knowing exactly where her foot was. He squeezed gently, forcing her eyes back up to his.
She shrugged, her embarrassment deepening. “Theo explained that people’s natural scents smell better or worse depending on your level of attraction to them.”
“So your feelings aren’t from the bond?” Kilian asked.
She stiffened.
Who the hell said anything about feelings?
“The bond isn’t forcing you into sexual situations with the others?” Niko clarified, his eyes narrowing as they took in her expression.
“N-No.” She shook her head quickly. “I could have stopped it at any time. I knew I could. Oscar’s scary but he wouldn’t hurt me.”
“He might hurt you,” Niko said seriously.
He made her scream.
“Only when I want him to,” she answered quietly.