“Because of what happened last night with Gabriel,” he finally admitted. “You aren’t that close with him, but you still let him tell you how to touch yourself, didn’t you?” He continued before she even had a chance to respond. “And not because of the bond.” He tugged her even closer, ducking his head to whisper the words against her cheek. “It was because he offered to take it all away for a moment. The stress, the decisions, the danger. He was completely in control, and you trusted him enough to know that he would keep you safe if you gave it all up. He would take care of you and make you feel good, and you didn’t need to give anything in return except your sweet submission.”
She suddenly felt restless, her breath coming in short gasps, her entire existence narrowing to the way her legs were still locked around his waist, her arms twisted behind her back, one of his hands tight on the curve of her waist. She was straining toward him, her wrists stuck together obediently even though she might have been able to get them free if she surprised him with the effort. She was happy for him to position her however he wanted … because she felt safe with him.
But he was wrong that it had nothing to do with the bond.
It was his scent convincing her to trust him, and she could only smell him because of the bond … though she supposed that didn’t mean his scent was a lie. Alphas could scent everyone around them, and that didn’t make them trust everyone around them. Heck, they didn’t trust anyone.
Did she trust Elijah?
She wasn’t sure.
“Interesting,” he muttered. He had pulled back, examining her face as she remained silent. “You think I’m manipulating you.” It wasn’t a question.
“Aren’t you?”
“Maybe.” He released her wrists, his hands lightly squeezing her arms as he lifted her, standing and setting her back on her feet. “Don’t take it personally. I find it easier to deal with people this way.”
“Why don’t you just say what you really mean?”
He smirked, covering his mouth with the back of his hand as a short chuckle fell out of him. “Okay, Carter. I think your innocence is liberating … in a way I didn’t quite expect. I think your asshole of a father didn’t prepare you for the more … well let’s just say social aspects of Ironside, because he doesn’t really see you as a person, does he? And your mother—”
“Careful,” she hissed, stepping into his personal space, her eyes narrowing into slits as she stared up at him.
For some reason, that smirk broke out over his face again. “Your mother,” he continued, ignoring her warning, “was likely traumatised by her own social experiences, and preparing you for something she would never have wished for you wasn’t high on her list of priorities, I’m guessing.”
“When you say social—”
“I’m talking about sex and romantic relationships, yes.”
“Right.”
“You’ve grown up with a very twisted notion of romance playing out right in front of you, with Ironside influencing your ideals every other night, and Hollywood adding in a sprinkle of uncertainty on the side. Which version do you believe? The environment that created your father? The relationship he has with your mother before your own eyes, or the movies he acts in? You’re remarkably good at holding all those twisted influences inside you while you let go and just feel, and I believe that makes you incredibly dangerous to us. It’s beautiful, and there’s no room in our world for sweet, beautiful things.”
She glanced down, staring at the puckered scars running down her forearms. She didn’t even bother to cover them up, but there was no doubt that she no longer felt beautiful the way she once did.
Dance used to make her feel beautiful, but something had changed.
She didn’t dance to soar, anymore. She danced because she was a scratched record on a turntable, stuck repeating herself over and over because there was nothing more to her than the things her father had raised her to be. She was just wobbling along, singing the same song, dancing the same dance, waiting for someone to lift the needle and shatter her for good.
“I like … what you see,” she managed. “I … wish it was true.”
“Hmm.” His finger suddenly appeared beneath her chin, lifting her face delicately until she was forced to meet his eyes again. “When is your next appointment with the bond specialist?”
“This afternoon. It’s usually on Thursdays, but—”
“The Day of Consolidation is tomorrow,” he finished for her. “And then we break for the summer. Is she going to come up with a plan for how to keep the bond stable over the summer break?”
Isobel nodded, forcing his finger to drop, but his eyes stayed fixed on hers, his stare narrowed and unblinking, his attention making the hairs along her arms stand on end.
“Good,” he grunted, straightening away from her. “You should ask to continue your sessions with her over the break. Phone or video meetings.”
She blinked at him, but he was already striding for the door.
13
Baby
“It still isn’t working,” Gabriel muttered, watching as her arms fell limp to her sides, the song over the speakers fading into silence before restarting. “Dance with Elijah.”
Elijah was sitting there quietly, considering her with that same hard stare that hadn’t shifted from his face since they had left the chapel an hour ago.
“Not this again.” She sighed, switching her attention back to Gabriel. “Professor Lye didn’t say it had to be a partner dance for the final assessment.”
“And yet the point of the assessment is to apply for his third-year class, which is a class specialising in partner work,” Gabriel returned. “Why don’t you give it a try? What’s the harm?”
She glanced between them, realising they both had that sharp, assessing stare. This was another special “Reed and Spade” test, but she didn’t feel like being assessed anymore. If they thought they saw something they didn’t like, then that ugliness was bound to grow in gruesome power the deeper they looked.
The truth wasn’t pretty.
The truth was so unsettling that she didn’t even want to admit it to herself.
She walked over to the door and flicked off the light, and then strode to the windows, drawing the heavy curtains until the room was doused in darkness. It had turned into a miserable day, so there wasn’t much light to sneak in around the fabric.
She felt better like this.
Like she was in one of Kalen’s climbing sessions. Terrified, but sure that she would never fall, because each time she had climbed with that blindfold stealing her vision over the past few weeks, he had guided her safely back to the ground. She had never stumbled.
And this way … the difference between her and Elijah wouldn’t be as glaring. There would be no witnesses to just how broken and scarred she looked beside someone like him. She walked back to the Alphas, finding them with ease since the blinking lights from the audio panels were right above them.
“Pick a song,” she muttered, snatching up her phone and thrusting it out to where Elijah and Gabriel still sat, unflinching, barely even showing a hint of curiosity over her strange actions.
Elijah leaned forward, scrolling through her phone for a moment, the light from her screen illuminating his perfect, impeccable features.
He tapped on something, and she tossed it back to the shelf, only catching a glimpse of a song called “Baby” before it started booming over the speakers. Elijah held out a hand to her, barely visible in the darkness, and she hesitated for a moment.
She couldn’t do this.
She couldn’t dance with Elijah.