Mars just glares at me.
Rachel is dressed in a flirty Tinker Bell costume, her hair up in her usual bun. Sanny stands with his arm around her dressed as Peter Pan. Jake is living it up in a ridiculous Captain Hook costume, complete with shiny hook. Even the dog is here. Poseidon darts past in a crocodile costume, chasing after Sully’s dog.
“You must really love them,” I tease Mars, feasting my eyes on this vision of him in that stupid hat.
“Something like that.”
We stand there, watching the other party guests laugh and chat. He was so cool this morning, taking the card and quietly reading it while I held the kitten. He didn’t ask any questions, just handed me the card and walked off.
“So…are you gonna ask me about it?” I say, taking a sip of my beer.
“Ask you about what?”
I huff, turning to face him. “You know what, man. You can ask if you want,” I offer. “I trust you to know. You won’t say anything.”
Weirdly, I almost want him to ask. More than that, I want to tell him. I want to trust him. I know I’ll feel better letting someone in on this secret with me. It’s such a heavy fucking burden to bear. I do my best in the day to day, but sometimes I’m tired, sometimes I slip up, sometimes I get dragged into filming pet adoption promo spots.
On all my past teams, I had someone who knew, someone who could help me out. Everything has been so crazy since joining the Rays that I haven’t really settled into a groove yet. Aside from management like Vicki, I haven’t felt ready to trust any of the guys and open up.
Mars glances my way, brows narrowed. “Does anyone on the team know?”
I shake my head, taking another swig of this crappy IPA.
“Why not?”
“I figured you of all people would get it,” I reply. “We don’t all want our private lives out in the open.”
“But you want me to know,” he intuits. “You want someone to confide in.”
Slowly, I nod. “Yeah, I think I do.”
“And Tess? Does she know?”
My heart drops out at the very idea. “Hell no. No way.”
He sighs. “Don’t be childish, Langley.”
I bristle. “Childish?”
“I’m not blind. I see how badly you want her. If you mean to keep her, you must tell her all your truths, even the difficult ones—especially the difficult ones.”
We’re saved the awkwardness of a deeper conversation when Tess herself comes sweeping around the corner. She’s walking arm-in-arm with Shelby. Since when did these two become friends? She throws her head back, laughing at something Shelby says.
My heart fucking stops. I can’t breathe. Can’t move. My Tess is dressed like a sexy devil, with a red leather skirt, fishnet stockings, and a lacy red corset that makes her breasts look immaculate. A pair of little black horns peek out the top of her auburn curls.
Forget Mars and secrets. Forget everything. Forget my own damn name. This woman is the only thing that matters.
42
“But if you really want quality karaoke chaos, you gotta get Lukas Novikov up on that stage,” Shelby says as we both crack up.
“Wait, Novikov’s the broody one with the scar on his face, right? He likes to sing?” I can’t reconcile the two images in my mind.
“At this point, I think I’ve heard him sing the entire George Michael catalog,” she replies with a solemn nod.
“No,” I cry with another laugh. “Not George Michael.”
“You haven’t lived until you hear him sing ‘Careless Whisper,’” she teases.
Before I can reply, a new voice stops me in my tracks. “Hey, sexy devil.”
All my breath leaves my body as I turn, seeking out that voice. Ryan is here. Fuck, I didn’t realize how much I missed him until now. He’s standing next to Mars, nursing a beer…and he’s dressed as Jax Teller.
Oh, holy fucking fuck.
I take him in from his mussed blond curls to those broad shoulders filling out his white T-shirt, to the ripped jeans and chunky boots. My attention settles on his black leather cut, complete with SOA patches.
“Oh my god.” I lift my gaze back to his face, taking in the apple green of his eyes and the curve of his smirk as he pins me in place with a look of open wanting.
Ryan.
Seeing him again, feeling his energy calling out to mine, a truth settles deep inside me: Ryan likes it when I laugh. From the moment we met, he’s spent all his energy trying to draw the sound from my lips. Lying in his bed late at night, pretending I’m helping him fall asleep, I’ll laugh at something he says, and he’ll brush a finger up the column of my throat, tracing the path of the sound. To him, my laugh is music. To him, my laugh is magic.
My Ryan.
I swallow down my nerves, holding his gaze. I’m having this man tonight.
43
“Hey everyone,” Shelby sings, walking up with Tess. “Having a good time?”
“We’re having a great time,” Doc replies.
“I love your costumes by the way,” Shelby adds. “So clever. Who thought of it?”
“Jake,” Sanny and Doc say at the same time.
Behind them, the man himself enters the circle. “That would be me,” he calls. “Pretty awesome, right? At first, I wanted to do Jungle Book and make Mars be the bear, but Cay refused to put on the red speedo—well, he refused to wear it in public,” he adds with a wink.
Sanny glares at his partner. “You know I can withhold sex from you, right?”
“Yeah, but you won’t,” Jake replies, slinging an arm around his shoulders. “You like it too much. And I don’t blame you. I’m pretty great in bed,” he says at me.
“I don’t need to know any of this,” I mutter.
“Are they always like this?” Shelby asks with a giggle, looking at Tess.
“Um, this is actually pretty tame, honestly,” she replies. Her cheeks are flushing pink. She’s trying not to look at me. Trying not to think about me.
Good luck, sexy devil. Before I’m done with you, I’ll be the only thing on your mind.
If I stare at her a moment longer, I may just self-combust. “Well, I’m gonna go get some food,” I say to the group. “I made Shelby an oath to try her Southwest egg rolls.”
“Yesss,” she slurs, saluting me with her wine glass. “And don’t forget about the chipotle mayo dipping sauce!”
I nod and bow out, not sparing Tess another look. I duck through the kitchen, exchanging the beer I don’t want for a bottled water. Then I pass into the dining room. I’m not hungry; I’m just trying to distract myself. I’m maintaining forward motion. A shark always has to keep swimming, right? If I stop moving, I’ll think about Tess. And if I think about Tess in those black fishnet stockings, I’ll get hard. And if I get hard, I’ll scare the rookies.
I’m turning the corner into the front hall when I feel a tug at my hand. Eagerly, I spin around, ready to pull Tess into my arms. I stop short when a girl in a bedazzled black wig steps into my space.
“There you are,” Cleopatra says. “Come dance with me.” She presses in, her body rubbing against mine.
“Whoa, I think you might be lost, sweetheart,” I say, trying to take her hands off me. But she has two and I only have one. The other is holding my water bottle. Just as I bat one of her hands down, she puts the other one on me.
“I waited and waited for you,” she whimpers. “I want you so bad.”
“Unlikely, as I’ve been here all of fifteen minutes,” I reply. “Okay—fuck—” I drop the water bottle to the floor, grabbing her with both hands. Gently as I can, I spin her around.
She’s still wiggling, pressing in at me with her ass. “I just wanna dance—”
“No, no, no.” I bend away from her. Fuck, she’s drunk. She doesn’t know what she’s doing at this point. “You know what I think we should do? Get an Uber and go to your house.”
“My house?”
“Yeah, let’s blow this party. Do you know where your house is?”
“Yeah, but I’m allowed to stay out all night,” she says, trying to put her arms around me again. “We can go to your house. I promise it’s okay.”
I groan. “Jesus, how old are you?” If Patty brought an underage girl to Shelby’s birthday party, I’m gonna cross check him to death.
“Nineteen.”