Right?
But then I think about last night and how he held me like he was afraid I was slipping away. How he kissed me, even after we’d made love, until my mouth was swollen. How in the light of his absence this morning, I realize that last night felt a lot like goodbye.
And that’s when I realize that he’s not going to be at the wedding. He’s not even going to say goodbye—and he intended for it to be that way from the beginning.
How dare he.
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
Annie
The ceremony is set to start in about ten minutes. I’ve never loved a dress more than the ones Amelia provided for us bridesmaids. It’s a mint-colored midi with a plunging V-shaped bodice and several layers of soft mesh overlay at the skirts, adding just a touch of princess whimsy. We’ve all been in James’s house for the last two hours getting ready—Noah and his groomsmen on one side and Amelia and us bridesmaids on the other. But we’ve been kept separated so we don’t accidentally get a peek at one another before the wedding.
I managed to slip out of the room we’ve been using as the bridal suite without Emily noticing, though, which feels like a real accomplishment. She’s been barking orders and making sure everyone is toeing the line all morning. Oh, Amelia has a wedding planner, but even that woman seems to be a little afraid of Emily and has stepped back more than once to let Emily run the show. No one is fiercer than an elementary school teacher when it’s time to get people in order and hold them to a schedule.
But I wanted a minute alone with Noah before the ceremony, so after tiptoeing away from Amelia and my sisters, I knock on James’s bedroom door, where I know Noah has been getting ready.
“Come in.”
Inside, I find Noah standing by the window, dressed in his tux and gazing out over the farm that has been turned into a magical wedding venue. I was here all morning with a few hired hands setting up flower arrangements, so I don’t need to look outside to know what Noah is seeing. Instead, I’m more interested in watching my big brother. I blink back tears, soaking in the sight of the man who’s carried our family from far too young an age, about to marry the woman of his dreams. He gets to walk through life with her now—share his happiness and his hurts. And no one deserves a happily ever after more than him. I wish my parents and my grandma could see him now. They’d be so incredibly proud of the man he’s become.
“Hi,” I say, moving to stand beside him at the window.
“Hey, you,” he says in a soft tone, reaching out to wrap his arm around my shoulder and pull me into a hug. Noah and I have always shared a special bond. Maybe it’s because he’s several years older than me so we never fought, or maybe it’s because he and I are both quiet souls, but I always feel comfortable with him. And he’s never called me Angel Annie, so that’s a plus.
“How is it you’re getting married today?” I ask him. “Just yesterday you were running through town in your Spider-Man underwear.”
“How do you know about that? You weren’t even alive yet when it happened. Dammit, is Mabel spreading that story out there today?”
“All morning,” I say looking up at him with a bright smile.
He groans and stares up at the ceiling.
I pat his chest. “Are you nervous?”
He tilts his face back down and frowns. “Hell, no. I’m ready to get it done. Seal the deal and be married to that woman already.”
“Good. No cold feet? Because I could pull the truck around if you need a quick escape.”
“Only if Amelia is escaping with me.”
I smile—so happy to see my brother like this. My heart tries to squeeze when I think about the man who’s missing from this day, but I don’t let it.
Just as expected, there’ve been no signs of Will today. Not even a text message or a letter or a sign in the sand. He just vanished, and a huge part of me is let down. I didn’t expect him to stick around or anything—but I did anticipate him at least hugging me goodbye. Telling me that I mean something to him, even if it’s just friendship. I went after him once when he pulled away—twice would just look desperate. If this is his choice, I have to let him go.
“I’m sorry he left,” Noah says suddenly—apparently reading the expression that I wrongly thought I was keeping very neutral. “I heard he checked out of Mabel’s this morning.”
Oh.
I hadn’t heard that. So I guess it is official. He really did leave.
I wave like, eh, no big deal! “He was always supposed to go.” I give a big fake smile. “He’s not built for settling down. But we had fun while he was here.” Oof this hurts. Being fake happy. Being fake positive.
Noah chuckles. “Bullshit, Annie. Don’t try to feed me any of that garbage. You miss him like hell, and you’re mad he left.”
“I don’t have any right to be mad. He was up front about how he felt from the beginning.” I can, however, be mad that he left without saying goodbye.
He gives me a sad sort of smile. “The problem is, you’re trying to rationalize your feelings. I have bad news for you, the heart wants what it wants, and there’s no talking it out of it.”
“You sound like a fortune cookie.”
Noah won’t be quipped out of this conversation, though. “Did you ask him to stay?”
“Would you have asked Amelia to stay if she was determined to leave?”
He ticks his head to the side. “Good point.”
“I just couldn’t do it, Noah. I couldn’t ask him to change his life for me. He would have ended up resenting me.”
He turns to face me. “Believe me, I get where you’re coming from. But hear me out. What if he was waiting for an invitation to stay?”
No…that’s not…he wouldn’t have…Surely, he knew…
Oh no.
We’re interrupted by a small knock on the door, followed by its opening creak. Amelia peeks her head inside. “Noah, can I come in—Oh, Annie! Sorry, I didn’t know you were in here!”
I laugh and step back from Noah. “Are you kidding? It’s your wedding day. You get to do what you want!”
She opens the door and slips through quickly, like there’s a monster outside about to gobble her up. “If Emily sees me coming in here she’s going to go berserk,” she says, closing the door silently behind her. When she turns forward again, I watch my brother’s face melt into something so tender I want to clutch my heart.
He breathes out in a rush as his eyes drop to take in her vintage-inspired wedding gown. It’s made of delicate white lace and is fitted to her every curve. Loose cap sleeves of fine sheer lace cover her shoulders, and the neckline dips into a steep V. In the back, the dress flows out to the smallest suggestion of a train. It’s a simple yet stunning gown that is the perfect contrast to Amelia’s dark eyes and loosely waved hair, swept back on one side by a pearl-studded hair clip.
“Amelia,” my brother whispers reverently as she crosses to him. “You’re so, so beautiful.”
She smiles. “Thank you. I know we’re not supposed to see each other before the ceremony, but…” She breaks off as she approaches Noah and he takes her hand, lifting it above her head to spin her around and admire her from every angle. And then he pulls her into his chest and engulfs her in his arms. “I just needed to see you first. And my wedding planner keeps throwing tasks at me, and I love your sister, but I’m seconds from murdering Emily because she seems to be trying to one-up the wedding planner in her bossiness and—”
Noah captures Amelia’s lips, showing no reverence at all for her makeup. And that’s when I turn away and quietly leave the room—giving them the moment alone they need.