“A girl? You’re having a little girl?”
Nina’s cheeks flushed with excitement as she nodded. Sophie was happy for her sister, but also, in that moment, she felt infinitesimally small. Nina had an actual career, a loving husband, and a baby on the way. Whereas Sophie’s career was about to shrivel up and die, her longest relationship was with her pet goldfish, and she was currently obsessed with a man who had made it abundantly clear that they’d never amount to anything.
“So can we move on from this?” Nina asked. “We’ve cleared the air. Now you know everything. No more secrets?”
Sophie nodded, though she was going to keep Dash a secret, because she didn’t know what they were to each other, and hadn’t she disappointed her sister enough for one day?
On the walk home, she needed to talk to someone about her No Good, Very Bad Day. And really, she did miss her best friend. She wasn’t going to tell Poppy about Dash, but maybe it was still okay to reach out and just vent.
Sophie: I’m having a bad day ??
Poppy: Can you meditate?
Sophie: Not immediately, no
Poppy: 10 self-affirmations out loud. Studies show it makes everything better
Poppy: like, in general, I’m summarizing
Poppy: also, Botox boosts your mood so lmk if you want to come in for a treatment ??
Sophie: lol
Sophie: Thank you, as always
Poppy: ??
Even if Sophie had wanted Botox, she couldn’t afford it. But mantras were free, and she’d picked up enough from being best friends with Poppy to know that affirmations helped her, on occasion. So what was the harm in reciting a few on the way home?
20
DASH
Do not text her. Do not look toward her window. Don’t even think about her.
Dash told himself these things, but the truth was that the only reason he’d come outside was in the hopes that Sophie might wander out, too. His red-carpet fiasco had left him with the kind of stomach-churning dread that made him want to throw things. Which was likely why he was craving a dose of Sophie’s sunshine and optimism.
As he stood with a shovel in his hand and upended dirt for a new antisquirrel fence he planned to install, even he had to admit that it was kind of a nice day. Sure, the heat was unrelenting, but he was shaded by the branches of the fat avocado tree. The sky was the kind of blue you couldn’t quite capture with a paint color, and he heard birds singing like he was in some Disney movie.
He licked his lips and stood up as beads of sweat cascaded down his back. He was about to go in for a break when he heard the pedestrian gate open and then her voice.
“I am worthy of love,” Sophie said to herself.
He watched as she closed the gate behind her.
“I am strong, emotionally and physically.” She walked toward her place. “I can write another book, damn it.”
Dash hadn’t realized that he’d been inching closer to the sound of her voice, like a homing device, when what he needed was to give her space. But as he turned to head back to his place, he stumbled over the shovel. He cursed as his shoe met the metal. When he looked up with a wince, she noticed him.
He’d expected her to smile or even laugh at his clumsiness—one of her normal lighthearted reactions—but she barely raised a hand to wave. As he eyed her, he couldn’t help notice her deflated hair, the unmistakable red burn across her shoulders, and the way her feet dragged like bricks as she walked. If he didn’t know any better, he’d guess she was out of sorts.
“Hey.” Her eyes went owlish. “You heard me doing my mantras, didn’t you?”
“I did.” He picked up the shovel and threw it, rolling his eyes in the process. “Hard time writing?”
“It’s just one of many problems. It doesn’t make any sense. I wrote your dad’s speech and thought that was this big breakthrough where I’d be able to get back to my book.” She had written that speech and shared it with Dash, and he’d already sent it to his mom without making any changes. “The book is due in less than a month, and it’s like my brain is an ice cube that refuses to melt. Even though the rest of me clearly has.” She lifted the side of her dress and, as if for emphasis, the dress fell limply at her side.
“Do you need some aloe for your shoulders?” His hand reached up, as if to try to soothe them, but he forced the hand back.
“I deserve the burn.” Sophie gently rubbed her own shoulder. “I went to see my sister this morning. She was really mad about the whole Ned thing.”
“That wasn’t your fault, Soph. I mean, I know you told him about Nina, but that’s because you expected him to be a decent human being.” His hands were on his hips now in the Angry Dad pose, but he couldn’t help feeling a little on edge—he didn’t like anyone making Sophie feel bad.
Her lips twitched, as if wanting to say more. It was unusual for her to hold back, so he pressed. “What happened?”
“We were talking, and it became clear that she’s been keeping things from me. Like, big life things. And I was just kind of hurt about that, ya know?” She wiped the back of her hand across her forehead. “I thought we were close. She’s my only family, and it’s weird to think she doesn’t trust me.”
“I don’t know your sister well, but from my experience, families aren’t perfect. They’re really complicated and messy.” He stuck his hands in his pockets, thinking of his own dysfunctional family. “I’m sure you both are close, but that doesn’t mean she won’t fuck up and accidentally break your heart. The relationship you have with Nina is like anything else, and you have to expect there will occasionally be bumps.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” She attempted a smile, but what came out was more of a grimace.
Disheartened Sophie was new, and he wouldn’t have minded if it wasn’t so obvious that she was miserable. His first instinct was to help because he sensed that she needed some. And when it came to Sophie, he inexplicably wanted to make her happy.
“Okay, I’ve got an idea. Let’s get your laptop and head out.” The suggestion came quickly, but as the words settled he realized that he missed being around her, and he’d just created an excuse to be next to her again.
“And go where?” She let out an exhausted sigh, but her expression turned curious as she twisted a loose piece of hair around her finger and watched him, waiting to hear more.
When they pulled into a parking spot at Glow, Sophie turned to Dash and exhaled sharply. “Not to rain on your spontaneous parade, but you do know we need appointments to be at the spa, right?”
Dash killed the engine and unbuckled his seat belt, then stepped out of the car. Despite her protests, Sophie slung on her backpack and stepped out, too.