He cut her words off with a wave of his hand. “Nothing about what we did felt wrong. Trust me, I will tell you if it starts to be too much.”
She tried to focus on putting her underwear back on because, really, being the only half-naked person in their yard felt unbalanced. But his words were doing quick rotations through her head: If it starts to be too much, as in...maybe there would be another time, or this wasn’t the end for them?
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“Oh, uh, yeah.” She shimmied her panties on. “That was really unexpected.”
“I know.” His hands fidgeted at his sides. “I just...couldn’t imagine not touching you.”
And then she blinked more, because something had clearly opened in Dash and he was being the kind of honest and vulnerable person she wrote about in her books. Which so wasn’t who Dash was. He was funny, but openness was not his usual mode.
She didn’t know what to do with this version of him—the one who complimented her and couldn’t keep his hands to himself. Especially because he’d made it clear that they wouldn’t date, and she’d said she was okay just banging the feelings out.
But Sophie had never done casual before. She dated people, then slept with them, in that order. If this was a normal relationship, she’d probably go have a cuddle or a meal with her person. But people who were just having sex probably didn’t engage in those things.
She decided to act like she knew what she was doing, though, because the last thing she wanted was for Dash to think she couldn’t handle their arrangement. She needed more of him, and if faking like she was okay would get her that, then she was about to win an Oscar for Best Sex Buddy.
“I should go. I have to feed Rain Boots—my fish—and uh, organize my books, and finish this speech for your dad.” She grabbed her phone, which she’d dropped in the grass.
“You could stay.” Dash was doing the thing where he shifted from one foot to the other, and she wasn’t totally sure if that meant he was anxious, or mad, or just nothing at all. But she figured he’d need space just as much as she did to figure out what had happened.
“No, no, no, no, no.” Her voice had become loud, too loud, really. She cleared her throat, then gave him her best I’m cool with this smile back. “Okay, well, thank you for the...thing. It was very nice.” She shook her messy bun, knowing she was not doing particularly well at stringing words together. “I’ll text you when I have a draft of the speech ready.”
“Sounds good.” His jaw tightened, and she nodded, trying to convey the air of business as usual.
Then she turned and told herself that all she needed to do was reach the front door. As soon as she did that, she could go inside, lock herself in, and scream, or whatever she needed to work through the last few hours.
As she walked, her phone pinged. She swallowed down the apprehension that it might be Nina texting to inform her they were no longer sisters. But when she checked the screen there was a text from Carla.
Free Wednesday? I can have my schedule cleared.
Sophie’s jaw clenched. She was free that night, but how could she see Carla after the weekend she’d spent with Dash? Then again, Dash was meant to be a casual thing. He explicitly told her that he couldn’t be in a real relationship. And wasn’t finding love the whole point of everything she was doing right now? She couldn’t just ignore the fact that all Dash was available for was a friendship with the occasional hookup. She couldn’t prioritize him over Carla, who might want to give their relationship another chance.
Sophie took out her keys and unlocked her door, not bothering to see if Dash was still there. She couldn’t look at him while holding her phone with a text from Carla without her brain overheating. She closed the door behind her and leaned against it.
If she started something back up with Carla, then she couldn’t see Dash, physically at least. There had to be rules if she were going to juggle two people at once...right?
Absolutely ??
Sophie typed back to Carla. When she hit Send, there was a knot in the pit of her stomach. She should be happy that there was a potential second chance on the horizon, but she couldn’t stop herself from glancing out her window toward Dash’s place.
TEXT CHAIN BETWEEN SOPHIE AND NINA
Nina: Hey, could you call me back?
Sophie: I’m so sorry, Nina. It all just slipped out.
Nina: We need to actually talk about this. No text apologies.
Nina: Hello?
Nina: How am I the one begging you to talk to me?
TEXT CHAIN BETWEEN SOPHIE AND POPPY
Poppy: I saw the article about your sister...you okay?
Sophie: Nina’s going to kill me. I feel like I can’t talk to her right now. She’s too pissed off.
Poppy: She just needs time. Your sister loves you.
Sophie: I know. I’m going to give her a minute to cool off.
Poppy: Is your writing thing fixed yet?
Sophie: Oh, you mean my failing career? No, I still have writer’s block ??
Poppy: I keep telling you to sage the house...
Poppy: whispers :::sage the block away:::
Sophie: Are the sage growers paying you for this product placement?
Poppy: it’s called being a visionary, look it up
SOPHIE’S TIKTOK
High-School Sweetheart Recap
Weeks until book is due: 4 (and a few days)
“You might notice that I’m wearing a face mask.” Sophie pointed to the green mask covering her entire face. She wore a blush-pink robe and tightened the wrap around her waist. “I’m needing a bit of self-care today, because after the last few days, I feel like I’m about to truly explode.”
“My ex-boyfriend from high school, as it turns out, is an actual piece of trash and sold something I told him in confidence to the tabloids. So now my sister—” Sophie stopped herself. “No, I’m not going to talk about her any more than I already have. But let’s just say, my life is a mess. Messier than usual.
“And to top it all off, I’m starting to realize that I might have some real issues. Like, fear of rejection and low self-esteem... It’s just a lot. Like, I have all of this data coming in from meeting up with my exes, and now I have to actually figure out what it all means. But I’m afraid that what it means is that I probably need a lot of expensive therapy, with money I don’t have.”
Sophie sat on the lip of her tub and sighed. She tapped a finger against her now-dry mask and continued, “So, anyways, yeah. I’m just taking this afternoon to decompress and try to mask-away all the pain because I’ll be meeting up with my next ex soon. Drop some self-care tips in the comments.”
COMMENTS
@bookishatwell I read friends-to-lovers for self-care. Out loud. To my cat. Don’t judge me.
@bookrecsbymel Have you ever sniffed a book for self-care? Because that shit WORKS.
@tokcrafty2me be kind to yourself, change is hard
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