Afterward, I began my race against the deadline. Newspaper writing was fast and I was still adjusting to the need to pump out an article in barely an afternoon. There were also photos to process and a headline to brainstorm, but at least it kept me busy.
Around three, I checked my messages on my phone. My stomach flipped when I saw a text from Josiah. I wasn’t sure if it was a quick burst of worry that something was wrong or simply seeing that he’d messaged me.
Probably both.
It was a photo of Max, curled up on a blanket in the empty remodel. It simply said, hanging out.
I sighed. Josiah had brought Max over to hang out with him. He’d even found him a blanket. How adorable was that?
“What’s going on over there that has you sighing like that?” Sandra asked.
“It’s just a picture of Max. Doggie daycare is closed today, so I asked Josiah if he could check on Max a couple of times. I guess he decided to bring him next door.” I held up my phone so she could see.
“What a cutie. So, Josiah. Is there something you need to tell me, Miss Audrey?”
“About Josiah? No. No, definitely not. Not at all.”
Ledger snorted.
I glared at him. “What was that about?”
He didn’t look up from his phone. “You obviously like him.”
“I didn’t think you were listening.”
He just shrugged.
Sandra raised her eyebrows.
“There’s really nothing to tell. I guess we’re friends but that’s it.”
“Okay,” she said, going back to her work.
I could tell she didn’t believe me.
I wasn’t sure that I believed me.
But I wasn’t lying. There wasn’t anything going on between us. Sure, I thought about him all the time and daydreamed about hugging him—and other things—but nothing was actually happening.
Maybe the point was, deep down, I wanted something to happen. I really liked Josiah Haven and not just because he’d helped me clean off a gross dog, or carried me down the hill on his back, or because he was willing to hang out with Max today. I liked him because he was gruff and stoic and sexy and surprisingly sweet under that surly lumberjack exterior.
I’d half admitted it to Marigold already. Maybe it was time I started fully admitting it to myself.
I decided to take a quick walk to get my head back on straight before I finished up for the day. After a little fresh air and an afternoon coffee from the Steaming Mug down the street, I was able to refocus on work. I finished up shortly after five and it was time to head home.
My heart raced on the drive back to my house. I didn’t know why. Was it the anticipation of seeing Josiah that had me all jumpy? If that was the case, this crush I’d developed was escalating out of control way too quickly. I needed to get ahold of myself or I was going to be a babbling idiot.
Calm down, Audrey. You’ve got this.
When I got home, I parked in my driveway. Josiah’s garage door was closed and I wasn’t sure if he still had Max next door or if he’d brought him home. I decided to check my house first.
I opened the door and as soon as I peeked inside, I almost swooned. Like a legitimate old-school Hollywood starlet swoon that would have had me on the floor.
Josiah was sound asleep on the couch with Max spread out over his legs. Max cracked one eye open but apparently my arrival wasn’t exciting enough to entice him to move from his spot snuggled up with Josiah. I couldn’t say I blamed him.
It was so adorable, I quickly fished my phone out of my purse and took a few pictures. Then I set my things down, right as Josiah started to stir.
He blinked and rubbed his eyes, like he couldn’t quite remember where he was. He grunted and when he spoke, his voice was husky with sleep. “Oops.”
“Sorry if I woke you.”
Max grudgingly rolled off him and jumped onto the floor when Josiah moved his legs. Then he seemed to realize mama was home. His tail wagged and he darted around me, sniffing with excitement.
“Hi, Max. Nice to see you, too.” I crouched down to give him a good pet.
Josiah grunted again as he sat up, then stretched. “Sorry, didn’t mean to fall asleep.”
I stood. “That’s okay. Max is pretty snuggly. It’s easy to do.”
He got up and straightened his t-shirt. “He was fine today. Didn’t roll in anything.”
“That’s good. Thanks again for your help.”
“No problem.”
He moved closer but I was still in front of the door. I stepped right but he shifted in the same direction. Then we both moved to the other side.
“Sorry,” I said. “I’m in your way.”
He stopped and met my eyes, obviously waiting for me to move.
But I didn’t. I got caught in those stormy blue-grays, my heart beating a wish I could scarcely dare to think.
Kiss me, Josiah.
His eyes lowered to my mouth. My pulse raced and excitement swirled in my stomach. Taking the chance, I stepped closer and put my hand on his chest. I let my eyelids close halfway and parted my lips, ready for whatever he wanted to give me.
He cleared his throat and stepped past me. “I gotta go.”
I sucked in a quick breath, shock turning my tingly excitement into a roil of nausea. He shut the door behind him, and just like that, he was gone.
For a long moment, I couldn’t move. I stood rooted to the spot, as cold as an ice sculpture, my mouth hanging open.
I hadn’t faced such a clear and harsh rejection in a long time.
If ever.
Feeling like I’d just been punched, I put a hand to my stomach. “Ouch. That was brutal.”
Max wagged his tail. He had no idea what had just happened.
My shoulders slumped. He probably needed to go outside. I decided to take him out back. I didn’t want to risk seeing Josiah, even just in his truck on his way out. I was too humiliated.
So much for my crush. That had been misplaced. Badly.
Wallowing in my misery, I took Max outside to go potty, then came in and dug through the kitchen for something unhealthy. Fortunately, I had a container of triple chocolate ice cream in the freezer. I needed to remember to always keep triple chocolate ice cream on hand. One never knew when they’d need to binge on fat and sugar after a depressing rejection.
Those always seemed to come out of nowhere.
CHAPTER 17
Josiah
I slammed the door of my truck, shoved in the key, and started the engine. Music blasted through the speakers and I had to fumble for a few seconds to turn the stupid thing off. Before I could second guess myself, I backed out of the driveway and took off.
My hands gripped the steering wheel and my jaw was tight. I was so pissed at myself and the worst part was, I wasn’t sure why.
Was I mad because I’d almost kissed her when I knew I shouldn’t? Or because I’d almost kissed her and I should have?
Probably both.
Fuck.
The look of shock on her face when I’d mumbled that I had to go was burned into my memory. I’d only seen it for a second before I’d walked out the door, but that had been enough. I’d hurt her feelings. And I felt like shit about it.
But she didn’t understand. She was too nice. Nice girls didn’t belong with assholes like me. She was blue sky and sunshine, plucky optimism and happiness. I was a stoic cloud of pessimism and surliness. It would never work.
I drove home and went inside. The weather had been warm and the house was stuffy, so I threw open some windows. The daylight and fresh air mocked me, highlighting the fact that my house was dusty and unfinished. The lack of baseboards and trim had never bothered me before. Why the hell did I care now?
Maybe I needed a dog.
No, a dog would be a hassle. I didn’t want to be responsible for something, or someone, else. I liked being able to do what I wanted, when I wanted. Keep my own schedule. I didn’t want to answer to anyone, even just a dog who needed to go outside.
I’d stayed single for a reason.
Which meant I’d done the right thing by not kissing Audrey.
That was it. I could stop thinking about her.
I spent the next hour grilling a steak, eating dinner, drinking a beer, and relentlessly pushing all thoughts of Audrey out of my mind. I ate on the couch in front of the TV because I could. I stuck my feet on the coffee table because I could. I left the dirty dishes in the sink because I could. There was no one around to complain. No one around to tell me how to do things.