I could hardly believe it, especially after our previous conversations. Going on vacation with Nick… I could tell he was observing my reaction.
“What happened to us just being friends?” I asked. I wanted to know what had made him change his mind.
“That’s still on the table…especially now, when you’re in danger and it’s my fault.”
“That’s why you want to take me? To keep me safe from Ronnie?” If that was the real motive, I was disappointed.
He pursed his lips.
“That’s one reason, but not the primary one, Freckles.”
He leaned his forehead into mine.
“Nicholas, what are we doing?”
“Don’t flip out, okay?” He grabbed my waist as I started to sink. “I don’t want you here when I’m not around. I said that yesterday, and I meant it. You could wind up hurt.”
“Nicholas…” That stung, and I tried to turn away from him, but he wouldn’t let me.
“Come! We’ll have fun,” he said, kissing me again on the lips. The sweetness of that gesture made me shudder.
“What about us, though?” I replied. I couldn’t help but think what might happen if our parents found out. “I can’t do this with you. It’s absurd, we don’t even get along, we’re just letting our physical attraction get the better of us—”
“All I know is when I see you, the only thing I can think about is touching you and kissing you all over,” he said, planting his lips just below my earlobe.
“I can’t be with anyone right now,” I said, pushing him away. He looked mad.
“Who said anything about being with anybody? Stop analyzing everything and just enjoy it. This is going to be fun.”
I could tell he wasn’t being straight with me—he had to want something more—but then again, this was Nick; he used girls and threw him aside. He had to just want me for my body. What else could it be? And if I wanted him for the same reason, why should I forgo the pleasure?
“Fine, but there are conditions,” I said. “No tying anyone down, no arguments. I just got out of a relationship, and the last thing I want is to relive what happened with Dan.”
“Are you saying you want an open relationship?” he asked. “I think you’re the first woman I’ve ever known who’s asked for that, but whatever. Just sex then?”
His eyes were cold. I didn’t like that remark one bit.
“Jerkoff!” I insulted him. “What do you mean, just sex? Who do you think I am? I’m seventeen, not twenty-seven. I’m not going to just up and sleep with you!”
Baffled, he responded, “You just told me you want an open relationship. What the hell do you think that means?”
I was lost. In my world, an open relationship meant you made out sometimes and that was basically what we were doing. But then again, Nick had been around the block multiple times. Compared to him, I was just a girl; I couldn’t play in his league. Nicholas wasn’t going to be happy with a little bit; he’d want to go all the way. I’d have known that if I’d thought over the past three weeks clearly. In that brief time, I’d gone way further with him than I had with Dan.
“Forget about it,” I said, feeling I was playing at a disadvantage. He was fire, and I didn’t want to get burned. “I like this new relationship we have. I even feel like we can start to get along. Why would I want to mess that up?”
He looked at me as if he didn’t understand a word of what I was saying. I didn’t really know what I wanted, either, but casual sex wasn’t something I was into.
“Noah…we won’t do anything you don’t want to do,” he said in a tone that made me melt. He seemed to understand every single thing going through my head. It almost scared me how easily he could read my thoughts.
Blushing, I wished the earth would just open and swallow me up.
“I’d rather we just be friends,” I said, not especially convinced.
“Are you sure? Just friends?”
I nodded, looking down into the water.
“Fine,” he said in what sounded to me like a condescending voice. “But you’re coming to celebrate my birthday with me. If you’re my friend, then you can act like one.”
He swam off and then reached up and lifted himself out of the pool. To me, his words sounded like You’re scared and I know it, so I’ll wait till you’re ready.
But if that was so, what was it about me that would make Nick wait?
* * *
I spent the rest of the day in my room reading and writing a short story I’d begun working on a long time before. I liked writing as much as I did reading, and one of my dreams was being a great writer in the future. Sometimes I imagined myself being known all over the world, selling millions of copies, and traveling to promote my books and tell stories people would remember forever.
My mother had never done anything with her life because she had gotten pregnant with me when she was sixteen. My father had been only nineteen then, and he hadn’t had any education. His one shot had been racing in NASCAR. Mom still remembered how hard it had been to raise me when she was just a girl herself, and she wanted to give me all the things she had wanted when I was her age, a good college. Those had always been her dreams, and she was going to make them come true. To please her, I’d always tried to get good grades, had played on the hockey team, and had written from the time I was a girl. A part of me always wanted to make her proud.
As I got lost in thought, looking out the huge window in my room, someone knocked at my door and came in. My mother was there with a bag with the St. Marie logo. I knew whatever was in there would ruin what was left of my day.
“Your uniform arrived. Try it on, and then go downstairs so Prett can make any adjustments to it you need. Also, we’re going to give Nick his cake in a little bit. They don’t blow out candles or anything the way you and I do on our birthdays, but I think that’s terrible, and I’m going to do whatever I can to change their habits.”
“Mom, I don’t think Nick’s going to be into it,” I said, trying to imagine him sitting at a table making wishes.
“Whatever,” she said, closing the door behind her.
I got up and took out my uniform. It was as horrible as I’d imagined. The skirt was pleated green plaid with some kind of clip on the side to close it. It hung down below my knees. The shirt was white and baggy, and to my horror, there was even a green-and-red tie that matched the gray, red, and green sweater. The socks were green, too, and reached my knees. When I put them all on and looked in the mirror, I made the nastiest frown in history. I took everything off but the skirt and shirt—the two things Prett could fix—and went downstairs.
On the landing, I found Nick with his phone pressed to his ears. When he saw me, his eyes bulged, and a smile crossed his face. I scowled at him, resting my fists on my waist.
“Sorry, I gotta go. I need to make fun of someone,” he said, chuckling and putting his phone in his pocket.
“You think you’re funny?” I asked, dying from shame.
“This must be the best birthday present you could have ever given me, Freckles,” he said, laughing at my expense.
“Yeah? How about I give you this, too?” I said, flipping him off and moving past him to the living room, where my mother and the maid were waiting on me.
“If you come to dinner with me tonight, I promise I won’t send around the photos I just took of you,” he said. I turned back, furious. He was taking the jokes too far.
“I’m having dinner with Mario tonight, so no thanks,” I replied, knowing it would make him mad.