“Settle down, children. No squabbles,” Brody says as he swirls his martini, takes a deep sip, then stands and glances around the room. “Welcome, everyone, especially the ladies we have present tonight. Ciara and Mason, it’s great to see you outside the bar. The time has now arrived for us to offer our dear friend and brother, Graham, marriage advice. If you aren’t married, any good old-fashioned relationship tidbits will do. Let’s help him out, yes?”
After Brody sits, River Tate stands. The best wide receiver on the team, he came to the franchise married to his college sweetheart. He was the one who recommended Dr. Moreau, and we’ve become close. “I’ll go first. Never use the bathroom with the door open. Once you do, there’s no mystery left. There’s nothing more eye-opening than watching your loved one drop a deuce.” He grins. “Of course, I have two kids, and you wouldn’t believe the diapers I’ve changed. Pureed pears, man, don’t feed them to your baby. Turns them into shitting machines.”
“Here, here!” Brody says. “I concur! Not about the baby food, but the other. Cas and I have separate bathrooms for a reason. Namely, his bombs are death fumes.” He kisses Cas. “It’s okay, baby. I love you anyway.”
Jasper blows out a breath. “I’ve been in a few, okay several, relationships. My main piece of advice is, if a girl wants an argument, just strip. Usually, my beautiful body halts everything. Also, angry sex is the best.”
He leans in, a serious look on his face. “Also. Dude. I’ve got four sisters. Trust me when I tell you to keep track of her cycle so you can be ready with cuddles. And buy tampons for her so she doesn’t have to. Might wanna get some candy. I buy out the Walgreens for my sisters.”
“She might need her pig,” Jane says.
Brody blanches. “God, don’t tell me she has a pig and a cat?”
Andrew laughs. “Not a real pig. Wilbur, from Charlotte’s Web. He’s our stuffed animal that we share.”
“Oh.” Brody shrugs. “There’s a story there, I guess.”
Andrew does a fist bump with Jasper. “I’ve bought my share of tampons.”
I exhale. “Let’s move on from menstrual cycles.”
“All right then, say yes more than you say no,” Jasper replies. “And don’t act disgusted if she burps or farts. It’s gross, but don’t let her know. It’s fine if you do those things. It’s manly.”
“So manly,” I reply dryly.
My mind drifts. I left her at home tonight, curled up on the couch with a book.
Being stealthy, I sneak my phone under the table and text her. What are you wearing?
She sends me a pic of herself in kitty PJ pants and a tank top.
Sexy.
Having fun yet? she asks.
Hmm, it’s nice to see River outside of football, and I don’t know Mason very well, but I’ve clocked the narrowed looks he sends me. He doesn’t trust me. Maybe after tonight, he will.
I need to know when your period is so I can be prepared with chocolate.
There’s a pause, and she sends, I enjoy champagne on my period.
I’m smiling as I envision myself buying feminine products and champagne.
“Are you paying attention?” Jasper asks, kicking me under the table.
I look up. “Yeah, what did I miss?”
“I was telling you to always tell her she’s hot, even when she’s got hairy legs and pimples. That’s true love, man.”
“Like you know what true love is,” Jane mutters as she flicks back her hair.
Jasper slams down his glass. “I’ve had just about enough of your mouth.”
She pops an eyebrow. “Yeah, big boy, whatcha gonna do about it?”
Jasper pushes his chair out of the way and marches around to her side of the table.
The low conversation of the table grows quiet.
“What’s going on?” Babs asks as she straightens from a conversation with Ciara.
Jane stands up to meet Jasper and points her finger in his face, making me wince. That’s like waving a red cloth at a bull. He grabs it, pulls her to him, and lays one on her. Her arms sneak around his neck for about three seconds; then she shoves him away and gapes at him.
“You’re an asshole,” she hisses.
Brody smirks at me. “Maybe a little magic there, heh?”
“Whoa,” Cas says. “Is she going to slap him?”
“Yep,” Babs says. “In three, two, one . . .”
Smack. Jane’s hand lands on Jasper’s cheek. Red prints flare on his face as he rubs it, grins, then waltzes back to his seat.
“That should work for a few minutes,” he says as he takes a drink of his beer.
Jane sputters, then seems to gain her equilibrium and sits back down, huffing as she glances at the room. “Why is everyone smiling?”
We all go back to normal conversation, murmuring as we finish up our food.
The hostess peeks in the room and gives me a head nod.
Grim determination flows through me as I stand. “Everyone, thanks for the meal and advice. Now, we have other business to attend. Follow my lead.”
“I can’t wait for this shit,” Jasper says, then does a few jumping jacks.
Babs cocks her head as River, Brody, and Cas whisper among themselves. “What’s going on?”
Jane grabs her purse off the back of the chair, smiling. “We’re going on a mission.”
“Like spies?” Babs asks.
“More like ninjas with an axe to grind,” Jane replies, grinning in anticipation.
Of course I let my guy friends know what’s going to happen, and I felt compelled to let Jane in on it. She’s Emmy sister, and this is important to her. Mason and Babs and Ciara are along for the ride.
I toss down several big bills to cover the tab and a nice big tip, then straighten my collar and crack my neck. “Let’s go.”
Jasper grins. “We aren’t going to end up in jail, are we? I mean, I’m with you, but I need to call my lawyer real quick.”
“You should have already called him,” I say.
“Hell, yeah! I’ve never been in jail,” Cas calls out as he hooks his arm with Brody’s.
“I hope we can make bail,” Jasper says as he helps a baffled and slightly scared Babs to her feet and offers his arm as an escort. He assures her that he’ll take care of her if anything happens.
We exit the room and walk down the hall to the bar area of the Baller. Low music plays on the speakers, and a line of TVs on the wall show different sports games.
The place is half-full for a Monday evening. My tight end coach, Marlon, is here with some of the assistants and gives me a back slap as I pass by. Every table has a member of the Pythons team, from offense to defense. Deacon, one of the linebackers, whoops out a yell when he sees us, then gives me a thumbs-up.
Not that Kian seems to notice.
He’s leaning over the bar and chatting it up with the pretty bartender as he tips back a glass of whiskey.
Jasper leaves Babs behind us as he and Cas ease up on either side of me. I stand behind Kian and tap him on the shoulder. “Hey, asshole. You aren’t wanted here. I suggest you leave.”
He flips around, his face tightening when he realizes who I am. “You don’t own this place, Harlan. I paid my dues just like everyone else here.”
I smile tightly. “Men who hurt women aren’t allowed in here.”
His eyes turn to slits as red colors his cheeks. Alcohol reeks from him. “Back off, Harlan. Who do you think you are?”