I’m about to tell her why I never told Helena about her when Suzanna comes over with three plates. She places my plate in front of me, then the plate in front of Sofia, placing the plate of fries in the middle of the table. “Enjoy,” she says to us before walking away.
Sofia’s eyes stay glued to her plate of salad, grabbing the fork next to her as she tosses it around on the plate. I grab my own fork, flaking a piece of salmon away. We eat in silence as I ponder the questions I want to ask. I look up at her a couple of times and notice she isn’t even eating the salad. She’s just playing with it on her plate. “What’s the matter?”
“Nothing.” She doesn’t look up at me, and although we haven’t been together in two years, I know that tone doesn’t mean nothing. It means she’s pissed. I used to always love it when she gave me this tone. I knew the fight would be worth it, because when we made up, it was electric.
“You sure aren’t acting like nothing is wrong,” I say, not sure if I should.
“I’m just a little bit annoyed and confused is all,” she finally declares. “You come to meet me, don’t want to use me, use me anyway, and never even mention to your fiancée that we knew each other.” She shakes her head. “Actually, forget it. I don’t even care, to be honest. It’s none of my business.” She takes a bite of her salad.
“Is that you asking me why I didn’t tell her about you?” I take a bite of my salmon, waiting for her to answer me.
“Not in the least. I don’t really care.” I know it’s a lie. She knows it’s a lie.
“Well, considering we didn’t just know each other…” I make sure she knows I hate the way that came out of her mouth. Her eyes now fly up to me. “I didn’t tell her about you because I wasn’t sure what to say.”
“I don’t know how your relationship worked.” She takes a sip of her wine. “Nor do I care, but you should always go with the truth.”
“I would never lie,” I tell her, grabbing a piece of carrot, “which is why I didn’t tell her about you.”
“That makes no sense.” She puts her glass down.
“Doesn’t it?” I take another bite of the salmon, just so my hands are busy doing something instead of being on the table tapping it. “If I told her about you, she would have had questions.” I look at Sofia. “Questions I would have had to answer.” I raise my eyebrows, wondering if she gets what I’m saying.
“How was I supposed to tell my fiancée that my wedding planner was the only woman I’ve ever loved?” She doesn’t say anything. “How do you think that conversation would have gone? Because she would have asked me if I still had feelings for you and the answer would have been yes.” She opens her mouth and closes it again, no words coming out. “How do you think that would have gone? ‘Helena, I think we should not go with white-and-black flowers because they look horrible.’” I grab another piece of salmon. “‘Oh, and by the way, did you know Sofia and I dated and lived together for two years?’” I shake my head, angry because maybe I should have said those words. “Are you dating anyone?” I say right before I pop the piece of salmon in my mouth, wanting to kick myself. Did I actually say those words out loud? Do I want to know the answer to this? One thousand percent. Am I ready for the answer? Absolutely not.
I avoid looking up at her, not sure I can handle it. “Yes,” she replies, her voice high and tight. I close my eyes as the answer sinks into my brain. The minute it does, a rage washes over me.
Suzanna comes over. “Are you finished?” she asks of my almost empty plate, and I nod my head.
“I’m done also,” Sofia says, pushing her plate to her, “and can we have the bill, please?”
“It’s all taken care of,” Suzanna relays. “Have a great night.”
Sofia grabs her purse from the seat and slides out of the bench. I guess this means we’re done.
“I’m done,” she announces as I grab my jacket in my hand and slide out to stand in front of her. “You don’t have to leave. I can see myself out.”
I don’t bother saying anything to her, instead I hold out my hand for her to walk ahead of me. I hold up my hand to a couple of the guys as I walk out. My hand itches to slip it into hers as we walk around the building and toward the back, where I see her car parked, but she’s one step ahead of me.
The sound of her shoes clicking is the only thing that makes noise. There isn’t even another car on the street. “This is me,” she says from the back of her car.
I stand in front of her. “How serious is it?” I tilt my head to the side, waiting for her to answer, hoping like everything that it isn’t.
“None of your business,” she retorts, her eyes staring straight into mine. I nod my head at her. “We are two friends having a conversation.” She throws my words back in my face. I smirk at her, always knowing those words would come back to bite me in the ass.
My whole body fills with nerves. I make sure my eyes never leave hers when I say the words, “The last thing I want is to be your friend and we both know it.”
She lowers her eyes just a second before looking back at me. “I know a couple of things.” She crosses her arms in front of her. “One, I didn’t want to be here but you didn’t give me a choice.” The lie comes out of her mouth so smoothly. We both know she didn’t have to come here tonight, but she did, and I don’t know who I’m going to owe that she is here, but I will pay them double. “Two, what I also know is that we shared something”—she takes a deep breath in—“a while ago, but now it’s gone.”
“What if I want it back?” I ask the loaded question.
She pffts out, cocking her hip to the side. “You think I’m going to be your rebound?” She points at herself.
I can’t help but chuckle, my whole body on alert. My hand clenches my jacket so tight I think my fingers are turning white. “You aren’t anyone’s rebound or second choice.” I take a step toward her, my feet not even caring what my head is saying. At this point, I’m not thinking about anything but her. I stand so close to her I can feel her breath on me. “You’re the fucking first choice every single time.” The words come out in almost a whisper. My hand drops my jacket to the ground and flies to hold her face. She gasps just as my lips touch hers and I feel like I just walked into heaven.
sofia
Everything happens in slow motion, or at least it feels like that. One minute I’m sitting down in the booth and he’s saying things I need to compartmentalize, and the next, he’s asking me if I’m dating someone. The fucking balls on this guy, he literally asked someone to marry him. Now he’s asking me if I’m dating someone and if it’s serious. I wanted to stab my fork in his eyeball. The audacity of him, and now his lips are on mine and I want to hate it and tell myself to push him away. But the minute his tongue slides into my mouth, it’s like the first time all over again, except now it’s going to be worse because I remember what it’s like to be kissed by Matthew.
His hands move from my face and are buried in my hair as he pulls me even closer to him. His head moves to the side to deepen the kiss, and I forget it all. I forget that I’m pissed at him. I forget I wanted to slap him across the face. My hands move on their own as they go to his hips and then up his sides, slowly moving to his chest where his heart beats under my palms. Our hearts beat almost at the same rhythm. I want to push him away from me but I get lost in the kiss. I get lost into everything that Matthew Petrov is. He’s charming, he’s beautiful, he’s funny, he’s the love of my life, yet he’s also the one who broke my heart.
He moves his nose against mine. “Matthew.” His name comes out in a whisper or a plea, I don’t really know nor do I trust myself if he’s touching me.