Uri sits up, leaning against the trunk of the tree and I tuck myself between his legs so that I can loll my head back against his chest and gaze out over the lake.
“It really is beautiful here,” I whisper with a contented sigh.
He nods in agreement. “See those rocks over there? We used to jump off them when we were younger. The lakebed dips down a little deeper, so it was perfect for diving.”
I smile thinking about younger versions of Uri, Nikolai, and Dimiv running around in their little swim trunks, trying to outdo one another.
“Sounds like you guys had a lot of fun here.”
“Hopefully, our children will, too.”
That’s all it takes for me to picture them. Our children. A little boy who looks like Uri. Perhaps a little girl who looks like me. Running around in their swimsuits just like their daddy did, their laughter lighting up the lake. In my head, Lev and Polly are there, too. The Lev I see is less nervous. The Polly I picture is less scared.
It could happen. It will happen.
I just have to believe.
38
ALYSSA
I don’t even realize my leg is bouncing uncontrollably until Uri’s hand lands on my knee.
“It’s going to be okay,” he says gently.
I can see why he would think that. I haven’t exactly been forthcoming about the pain I’ve been experiencing lately. Although maybe pain is too strong a word. It’s more like sharp bursts of discomfort that have me stressing out about the two babies in my belly.
The last time I felt that twinge was with Lev. He’d looked at me with wide eyes and asked if the babies were coming. “Not yet, buddy. It’s too early.”
“Really? Because you look really big.”
Of course, he had then proceeded to list all the different things I resembled. A stuffed pepper. A cow. A light bulb.
Gee, just what every pregnant woman longs to hear. Truly the stuff dreams are made of.
I give Uri a tense smile and try to be grateful that we are out of the cabin, even if it’s only for a doctor’s appointment. Lev had to be distracted in his room while we snuck out, though. He wouldn’t have dealt well with being left behind. Polly emerged from her quarters just long enough to see us off. I would have invited her along if I thought that it might pull her out of the darkness she can’t seem to shake. But she disappeared back upstairs before I could even ask.
“I’m just nervous, is all,” I tell Uri now. “I’m sure everything is fine.”
Correction: I hope everything is fine. There’s a very big difference between the two sentiments. Uri seems to know exactly what I’m feeling, because he wraps an arm around my shoulders and pulls me closer against him.
“You’re strong. Our babies will be strong, too.”
“What’s taking Dr. Grigory so long?” I ask impatiently.
Uri’s eyebrows knit together with irritation. “Good question. Let me go and—”
Before he can finish his sentence, the door opens and the doctor walks in. “So sorry I’m late. There was traffic on the highway.”
Uri’s face twitches and he growls low in his chest. “We don’t have much time. Let’s get things started.”
“Of course,” Dr. Grigory agrees, moving towards me and tugging on a pair of rubber gloves.
I sit and do my best not to squirm while the doctor examines me thoroughly. Uri stands at my shoulder the entire time, a literal shadow hanging over me. Except that this shadow makes me feel calm and safe. Like everything will be okay.
At least, that’s how I feel—right up until Dr. Grigory squints at the monitor for a prolonged minute and frowns.
“Doctor?” I ask tentatively. He doesn’t look at me right away and when he does, he doesn’t quite meet my eyes. “What’s wrong?”
He clears his throat. “It seems that one baby is developing a little slower than the other.”
Immediately, my eyes flit to Uri. He’s staring at the monitor as though he has the power to change it with just one look.
“W-what does that mean?” I ask desperately.
Dr. Grigory gives me a smile that I’m sure he means to be reassuring. “It can sometimes happen in multiple pregnancies. When fetuses share the same placenta, the stronger fetus sometimes starts consuming more nutrients than the other. It’s called TTTS. Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome.”
“With all due respect, I don’t care what it’s called. I just want to know how to make it stop.”
Dr. Grigory nods. “I understand. For the moment, there’s nothing to be done. We need to monitor the situation and see how your pregnancy progresses. Then—”
“Excuse me?” Uri’s voice is whip-sharp and borderline violent. Dr. Grigory gulps and turns a shade whiter than he was a second ago. “Your approach to the fact that one baby isn’t getting enough energy or nutrients to survive is, We’ll wait and see?”
“Uri, the situation is not as serious as all that.” Dr. Grigory gives me a helpless glance before he swallows again. “If it gets any worse, then we can take action—”
“Why not take action now?”
“Because there are no signs of fetal distress yet. But I will keep a close eye on Alyssa over the coming weeks. If it’s clear that one twin is regressing further, then we can talk about options.”
“Which are what, exactly?” I chime in.
Dr. Grigory glances between us warily. “Well, the most efficient way of dealing with TTTS is FLP. That would be a form of laser fetal surgery. It involves the insertion of a laparoscope into your uterus. It’s a minimally invasive procedure. However, it is still surgery, so of course, there are risks involved.”
“Then eliminate the risks,” Uri snarls.
The doctor’s eyes go wide. “I… Mr. Bugrov, the thing is—”
Uri scowls in disgust and turns away. “Doctors really don’t know shit, do they?”
I grab his hand and give the doctor a bracing smile. “We’re just worried. Can you please give us a moment?”
“Of course,” he says quickly. He looks relieved to be scurrying out of the room.
The moment the door swings shut behind him, I turn to Uri. “You really think pissing off the man who might have to perform surgery on me is a good idea?”
His jaw is clenched so tight I’m scared he might pop a blood vessel. “We can get a second opinion. Emily, perhaps.”
I squeeze his arm. “We’re getting ahead of ourselves. Dr. Grigory knows what he’s doing. If you stop scaring him and just let him do his job, he might be able to do it better.” Uri sneers, so I add, “You heard him. There’s nothing to worry about right now. We’re talking in hypotheticals here.”
“It feels irresponsible to do nothing.”
“I want to avoid surgery as long as I can, Uri,” I tell him gently. “Our best bet is taking it easy. Hopefully, if I get enough rest, this will just correct itself.”
“Problems don’t just correct themselves.”
I shrug. “That approach worked for you last time someone tried trespassing on your property to steal some mail.”
His eyebrows flatline, but I spy the corners of his mouth twitching with the faint hint of a smile. That’s progress, at least.
“I need you to be positive, okay?” I add. “I’m not sure I have the energy to be optimistic for the both of us.”