Take me back to the “Once Upon a” time
Before this magic wand hits you like a hired gun ’Cause I can see us dancing through the years When someone else’s dream outruns its run
Come to me undone
Sick of this daydream
Tired of opening my eyes
Show me yours
I’ll show you mine
LET’S LIE
Brush stroke, blank slate
Our time is due
Right there, right now, burning red and deep blue Paint me anew, inside this room
Don’t wipe our slates clean
I quite like this hue
Let’s lie, me and you, like new lovers do
Silk shirt, sweat-soaked
Dancing with you
Right there, right now, our bodies unglued
Paint me anew, inside this room
Don’t wipe our slates clean
I quite like this hue
Let’s lie, me and you, like new lovers do
Your lips, my throat
Don’t think it through
Right there, right now holding me like a muse Paint me anew, inside this room
Don’t wipe our slates clean I quite like this hue
Let’s lie, me and you, like new lovers do
Is loving you more worth the fight
Don’t answer tonight
You’re a big-picture guy scared of a varnished lifetime Are we worth the fight
Don’t answer tonight
Are we worth the fight
Tell me a lie painted white
Just for tonight
Just for tonight
Paint me anew, inside my room
Don’t wipe our slates clean
Our bodies in bloom
Let’s lie to ourselves like new lovers do
UP NORTH
I shake myself awake inside a jet-black space Hug my shoulders just to pretend you’re here Memories shoot through me
A silver lining in a barren atmosphere
Come bring me light
You can steal my night
If you’re not a fighter, then take flight
I close my eyes, play us back real slow
Time when you held me like you were afraid to let go So come keep me warm up north
I know, it’s a reverie
Blink back the stars with me We’d never sleep
I make footprints that refuse to fade
Proof of life on a cold dark day
I hum that song you used to sing me to sleep My mind’s trying to warm the places your skin used to be Come bring your crown
I’ll wear a gown
If you can turn my ship around, do it now
I close my eyes, play us back real slow
Time when you held me like you were afraid to let go So come keep me warm up north
I know, it’s a reverie
Blink back the stars with me
We’d never sleep
Holding on to you is like wishing upon a star I can’t see But hope’s always the last friend to leave
So come keep me warm up north
Just you and me
Fold your arm around my shoulder
We could be the real thing
JOYRIDE
Thundering skies
Wet tracks with no guide
I curve my neck to look out your side
Your eyes on me while you drive
You read my mind saying, “beautiful night”
That’s right
It’s a joyride
It feels like home Flying down this open road
I remove the safety belt wrapped around my seat If we go crashing
Let the blow break me
I thought it was always “wait and see”
“See you if I get there,” hypothetically
Now you and I are side by side
Windblown grins, no destination in sight
White-hot sunrise
Sweat-soaked dress untied
Two bodies tangled up on your side
The car in park while I drive
I pin your wrists back saying, “close your eyes”
That’s right
It’s a joyride
It feels like home
Flying down this open road
I remove the safety belt wrapped around my seat If we go crashing
Let the blow break me
I thought it was always “wait and see”
“See you if I get there,” hypothetically
Now you and I are side by side
Windblown grins, no destination in sight
The way the streetlights dance in your blue eyes The way your knuckles grip around the wheel tonight We’ve got scars we can’t leave behind
That’s alright
It’s a joyride
It feels like home
Flying down this open road I remove the safety belt wrapped around my seat If we go crashing
Let the blow break me
BONNIE AND CLYDE
I grew up looking down
Held my hands against my ears, silencing siren sounds I flew out the screaming back door every time Hugged my shoulders until I found your street Said I was just walking by
You knew to hold me till I cried
We threw hope to the fire, now I’m floating past Mars I should know better, I don’t see no harm
Letting the ashes of our maybes keep me warm Floating through Saturn remembering you tangled in my bed A time before we said words better left unsaid I float through Jupiter, I still want the moon I should know better
Darling, it’ll always be you
I left the sirens behind
Ran pass your street without stopping for our goodbye Didn’t slow down until my skin was bathed in bright hues Sandy shores at my feet, feeling golden and blue I didn’t miss running
I missed having someone to run to
We threw hope to the fire, now I’m floating past Mars I should know better, I don’t see no harm
Letting the ashes of our maybes keep me warm Floating through Saturn remembering you tangled in my bed A time before we said words better left unsaid I float through Jupiter, I still want the moon I should know better
Darling, it’ll always be you
Two kids counting stars at night
Your partner in crime, Bonnie and Clyde
Two kids who lassoed the moon
I sure liked loving you
We threw hope to the fire, now I’m floating past Mars I should know better, I don’t see no harm
Letting the ashes of our maybes keep me warm Floating through Saturn remembering you tangled in my bed A time before we said words better left unsaid I float through Jupiter, I still want the moon I should know better
Darling, it’ll always be you
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
THIS BOOK WAS NOT BORN overnight. Getting here involved tears, an Excel spreadsheet of three time lines, two different endings, tens of thousands of words thrown away and rewritten, epic playlists, and nights that bled into mornings. This novel is so much better for all of the work put into it. And I couldn’t have done it alone.
To my children, Max and Zoey. Your excitement for life is what makes mine worth living. One day, I’ll write a book that you can read. For now, this right here is just about the only page that is safe.
To my parents. Thank you for allowing me, at a young age, to discover what sets my soul on fire. And thank you for never telling me that my dreams couldn’t come true.
There were great writing days, and there were writing days when I googled, “How to write a book.” Barry, you made all the days better. Thank you for your unwavering love and support, and for letting me listen to Taylor Swift whenever I want (which is always).
To my incredible book agents, Cait Hoyt and Alex Rice. Thank you for championing this story and for truly believing in me as an author. You are both rock stars and dream agents.
To my brilliant editor, Alexandra Sehulster. Thank you for sticking by me when I asked if I could throw away forty pages of an entirely different novel and start this book from scratch. We sure put Maggie Vine through it, didn’t we? Thank you for pushing me to go further with her journey. I’m beyond grateful for your patience and your wonderful mind.
To everyone at St. Martin’s Griffin and Macmillan who have worked tirelessly to help bring Maybe Once, Maybe Twice to life, from the thoughtful social media gurus to the copyediting heroes (who discovered some of my adorable misuses of words). Thank you especially to Alyssa Gammello, Cassidy Graham, Gabriel Guma, Kerri Resnick, Marissa Sangiacomo, NaNá V. Stoelzle, and Susannah Noel.
To the rest of my dream team—Ashley Silver, Austin Denesuk, Berni Barta, Darian Lanzetta, and Olivia Blaustein—thank you for believing in me and always fighting for me to succeed.
To my team at TMG for keeping me out of jail: Daniel Farr, Tracy Porter, and Mallory Zahrt.