“I don’t have words for the apology I owe you,” he told her, his stomach in knots. “‘I’m sorry’
doesn’t cut it, and I know that. I should’ve told you I was leaving. I should’ve had the guts to explain face to face instead of taking off in the middle of the night.”
She studied him for a long moment, showing no emotion, not even in her eyes. That had always been her way. The pain his father had unleashed on her had taught her to hide everything away. That was something she’d admitted to him once, and only the once, after drinking too much gin.
“I understand why you left, Austin,” she finally said. “I agreed with it. Maybe I didn’t like the way you did it at first, but given the state of the pack after you left, I understood why it was necessary.” She took a deep breath. “What I don’t understand is why, in all this time, in over fifteen years, you never once called. Or wrote. You never once told me that you were alive.”
The air went out of him, and he sagged where he sat.
“I should’ve called,” he said softly. “I know that. But the truth is…I was lost. I didn’t know where I was headed or where I wanted to end up. I didn’t know if I’d survive the darkness within me, or if it would emerge in the wrong town or with the wrong creature and that would be the end of me.
Eventually I found a forgotten corner of nowhere and just…” He shrugged. “I didn’t intend to be an alpha. I didn’t take the title or claim the territory for a long time. I just…went to sleep, I guess. I didn’t want to trouble you with my life. With my directionless existence. I knew it wouldn’t sit well, and I didn’t intend to change my mind. I figured it was for the best to take a back seat.”
After another pause, she said, “What made you change your mind?”
“A woman walked into my bar after starting her life over. She wouldn’t be defeated. She wouldn’t yield. She entered her first magical battle as a Jane, fearless. She rose to her true potential— keeps rising to her true potential against impossible odds. Somewhere along the way…I realized I wanted to join her.”
“Love is truly a miracle. But has she seen you? Really seen you?”
“She has seen all the parts of me that you’ve always advised me to hide. She’s seen my rage and my twisting darkness. She’s seen my ruthless possessiveness. She’s allowed me to be open and honest and expressive. I haven’t hidden anything from her, and yet she loves all of me anyway.”
She looked away, emotion registering in her eyes, but when her gaze returned, they were steely again.
“But is she able to handle all of you?” she asked. “Seeing it…and being forced to temper it for the sake of your young or your family are two different things.”
His heart felt heavy, and he understood now why he’d always been so afraid to love after Destiny.
Why he’d tried to find a hole in the world and sink into it, comforted by obscurity. It was this language, damning him for the sins of his father. Casting doubt on him because of his genetics. When he was young, he hadn’t controlled his inner darkness, that was true, but it was because no one had taught him how. No one had helped him find balance with his beast. He’d instead found the opposite, a woman who’d exploited him, further convincing his family he was unstable.
As an adult, though, he’d learned his way. Jess had helped him. And, in turn, he’d helped her.
They’d learned from each other.
With sudden clarity came understanding. He would no longer suffer at the hands of his father. He would not live in the past. It was time to look forward. To protect their future.
With confidence, he looked his mom right in the eyes and said, “She cannot only handle all of me, she wants to. You have no idea what her beast is capable of. What she is capable of. We’re a good match.”
She clasped her hands in her lap. “I hope so. She’s a pretty, lovely sort of person, I think. Her company is easy to keep despite the colorful babbling she employs when she’s nervous. But son, those characteristics will invite challenges. You cannot fight all her battles for her, regardless of how much you might want to.”
“She’ll invite one challenge everywhere she goes, I have no doubt. But only one. After that, the naysayers will dry up. If you don’t believe me, just keep your eyes on this territory.”
Mercifully, his mom dropped the poignant line of questioning and moved on to asking for details about O’Briens and Ivy House.
“Well,” she said after a short while, pushing to standing. “We better go save poor Jessie from Grandma Mimi. Mimi didn’t bring her book this evening for some reason. She’s probably picking on everyone right now, running them ragged.”
It seemed Mimi hadn’t told them much about her time in O’Briens, and no one knew that she and Jess got along incredibly well. There was strength in an easygoing nature—it helped a person more easily navigate the assholes.
Maybe that was why he and Jess got along so well…
“Yes, Naomi, I understand that,” Earnessa was saying when they reached the kitchen, using her whole arm to point at the fridge. “But it fits in the hole. Why wouldn’t I get an enormous refrigerator if it fits in the hole?”
“I cannot fathom why you are going to such lengths to try to convince me that you didn’t want a big refrigerator,” Mimi replied. “You designed this house. You designed this kitchen. You had the plans drawn up. You created the hole that you then had to fill. This isn’t rocket science. You wanted a big fridge, you got a big fridge.”
“I cannot fathom why you always bring it up,” Earnessa shot back.
Everyone but Mac sat at the island or hovered around the kitchen. No pots were bubbling or smells were billowing out, something Austin had noticed when they got there, but he now wondered if they’d been waiting for him to help prepare. Except there weren’t any ingredients to chop up or work with.
“Excuse me,” he said to his mom, and made a quick detour to the couch, where Mac was bent
over his phone. “Hey, bud.”
The boy looked up—no, not a boy. A young man now, with a few whiskers and budding muscle tone. Austin had missed so much of his life. Of all their lives.
“Hey Uncle Auzzie.” Mac lowered his face a little, looking up from under his lashes. “Or are we calling you Uncle Austin now?”
“You can call me whatever you want. How’ve you been?”
Mac shrugged. “Same ol’, same ol’. I’m learning to be an alpha even though I don’t have the right temperament or any interest—”
“You have the perfect temperament and plenty of strength,” Kingsley called from the island. “It’s the laziness that’s the problem.”
Mac rolled his eyes. “They think I’ll come around. Did Mimi tell you?”
“She filled me in on the hot buttons to avoid.”