She stops midstride.
“We got caught having sex in a parking lot. It’s not exactly the scandal of the year.” I press my hand against the small of her back and give her a little push.
“No one knows we’re together.”
“They will now.”
“Julian,” she pleads, but for what, I’m not too sure. She wraps her arms around herself. “This isn’t going to work between us.”
“Because of the long distance or your trust issues?” The comment slips out before I have a chance to rein it in.
Her step falters, along with her breathing.
I rub my face with a curse. “We’ll figure it out.”
Neither one of us says anything else for the remainder of the walk, which gives me time to process our situation.
Did I expect Dahlia to push me away when she realized how she felt about me? Yes, I did, yet I’m still disappointed to think she would so easily give up on us because of a few logistical problems.
I’m not the same guy she expects me to be anymore. I’ve changed, and if I have to fight Dahlia every step of the way to prove it to her, then so be it.
By the time we make it to the diner’s parking lot, a plan has already started forming in my head.
“Are you hungry?” I unlock the truck and open the passenger door.
“No.” A condensation cloud forms from her long exhale.
I grab her by the hips and lift her into the cab before she has a chance to climb on the step bar.
Once the engine rumbles to life, I blast the heat. “You should eat something.”
Her nose scrunches. “I will.”
Message received loud and painfully clear.
“Is this your plan, then?” My question packs a bite.
Her brows scrunch. “What?”
“Push me away because you’d rather avoid your feelings about us.”
“I—I don’t know.”
“I think you do.”
Her nostrils flare. “Since you know everything, why don’t you go ahead and say what I’m thinking?”
“I don’t need to be a mind reader to know you’re afraid.”
“I’m not afraid, Julian. I’m fucking terrified.”
My forehead creases from my furrowed brows.
“I don’t want to fall in love with you.”
My ragged breath matches hers.
“I don’t want to fall in love with anyone. Period. It nearly destroyed me the last time, and I’m not sure I could survive that kind of pain again.” Her voice cracks toward the end. “You deserve someone who trusts you, and I’m not sure I’ll be able to do that when I can’t trust myself.”
The twinge in my chest morphs into full-blown heartache. “I can’t take back the pain you went through, no matter how much I wish I could, but I can promise to never hurt you like he did.”
“A little too late for that.” She can’t hold my gaze for more than a second.
“Dahlia.” I cradle her chin despite the pain lacing through my chest. “I’m not going to give up because you expect me to.”
“Because you like a challenge?”
“Because I like you enough to know you’re worth fighting for.”
She stares out the window. “I’m moving back to San Francisco in January for my new show.”
I’m aware, seeing as I spent the last few hours in a jail cell processing the fact.
But what are you going to do about it?
Somehow, in a short span of time, I went from planning the rest of my life in Lake Wisteria to putting everything on the line for the woman beside me. Because if Dahlia wants to move back to San Francisco, then I plan on going with her, and no amount of cons in the world will stop me.
I reach for her clenched hand. “When we break the news to my mom about moving, do me a favor and tell her you’re in love with me. It’ll help soften the blow.”
Her cloudy eyes tug at something in my chest. “You can’t seriously be considering moving.”
“I am.”
“But what about your company?”
“Turns out I’d rather build a home with you than a thousand houses by myself.”
She turns away with a sniffle.
I cup her chin and turn her head toward me. “What part of I’m falling in love with you are you not understanding?”
“The part where you give up your whole life here for me.”
“Life without you is hardly considered a life at all, so I’m not giving up anything by following you to San Francisco.”
“No, but by being with me, you’d be giving up the chance at having your own family.” She stares at her lap like it holds the secrets of the world.
“Is that what this is really about?”
Her face remains blank, but the vein in her neck throbs.
Why didn’t you consider that sooner?
“You think I’ll regret being with you because you can’t have kids of your own?”
“I know you will because it’s already happened once before.”
“I already told you I don’t want to have kids that way.”
She shakes her head. “This isn’t the first time I’ve heard someone tell me that.”
I could find a hundred different ways to tell her I care enough to choose her, but none of them matter unless I find a way to show her.
Pro: She could find my list romantic.
Con: She may reject me anyway after I reveal one of my biggest secrets.
Shut up and show her.
I pull out my phone and open the note-taking app. “Here.”
She grabs it from me and reads over the first few lines of text. “You’ve been working on a pro-con list about me?”
I nod.
“Pro: She sucks at chess. Seriously?” Her nose scrunches.
“Not my fault you started every single game with the queen’s pawn opening. Change it up every now and then.”
She returns to the list. “Pro: I like her enough to attend Stanford too.” She looks at me for a few seconds without blinking. “You chose Stanford because of me?”
“Yes. You liked California, and I liked you, so it made sense.”
She shakes her head in disbelief. “How long have you been working on this?”
“Since sometime after you started competing for the Strawberry Sweetheart pageant.”
She blinks. “That was over a decade ago.”
“I’m aware.”
“But why?”
“Informed decision-making is my thing.”
She scrolls through the list while mumbling to herself. “There are things listed here that I don’t do anymore.”
I know. Unfortunately, I inherited my appreciation for nostalgia from my mother, and I have never been able to outgrow it, which is the only reason why I could never delete the list no matter how many times I tried.
After a few more minutes, she reaches the bottom of the note. “You only have one negative.”
Con: She may never love me back.
“Little by little, your cons annoyingly started making their way over to the pros column.”
Her laugh comes out like a half sob. “That’s ridiculous.”
“No, Dahlia, that’s love.”
“You agreed to a casual relationship knowing your feelings might never be reciprocated?” Disbelief colors her voice.
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Some people are worth the risk.”
Her bottom lip wobbles.