The video team has more space now, swinging around at all angles, making me feel like a fish in an aquarium. Briefly, I plot a daring escape to the bathroom to check my makeup before deciding that I will not be That Girl.
“I had pasta last night,” I tell Alex as we board the escalator for the restaurant section of the market. We’re kind of facing each other, kind of facing the camera. Stage angle, Saanvi called it.
Alex glares, and the effect it has on me is … really something. “Saanvi told us we were coming here at four thirty yesterday. I had a salad for dinner, like, very specifically.”
“Can we get pizza instead?” I ask hopefully.
“Sure.” He rolls his eyes. “What do you like on it?”
“Anything. What do you like?”
“Anything.”
I bite my lip, dancing from one foot to the other as we step off the escalator. “Actually, I have several allergies.”
He tilts his head. “Actually, I hate mushrooms.”
I freeze. “Why did we lie.”
“Nerves.” Alex smiles. He doesn’t look nervous, but I think he can tell I am and is trying to make me more comfortable. Still trying. “Come on. Let’s just build our own.”
We order for ourselves, Fari and Don (both of whom were so focused on month-end books they would have forgotten to eat if I hadn’t offered to pick up lunch), and the video crew. But when we select our tables, the crew under good lighting and us in the corner to protect the sound quality as best we can, everyone else keeps their food in the bag. Our pizza is staged on our table alongside two Topo Chico bottles. Saanvi tells us to “sip and place them, but don’t turn the label away from the camera.”
“This cannot possibly be sponsored,” I say.
“No, but here’s hoping.”
One of the hipster twins, Andre, gets a bunch of artsy, close-up shots of the food, drinks, and table while Alex and I stand behind our chairs awkwardly. He shakes his head, clearly just as amused as I am unsettled by this entire procedure. Sara’s got ear mufflers on, the other hipster, Eric, is working the wide lens, and Saanvi is watching everything like a hawk.
I am this close to slamming Andre’s camera to the ground. My stomach is growling, our pizza looks scrumptious, and this is pure torture.
Finally—finally—we’re allowed to sit down and start eating.
“Talk about work,” Saanvi instructs after a few minutes of uninterrupted lunchtime. “But can you make it, like, not boring?”
Alex and I both burst out laughing, and our eyes catch at the same moment. Maybe because it’s the first mutual feeling we’ve ever shared.
My memory flashes to the latest episode of the “One Day at Work” segment I caught on YouTube; it was a female head chef of an upscale Mexican restaurant, and she was making some sort of mole while they filmed her talking about irregular work hours, gender issues in restaurant kitchens, her favorite professional-grade cooking tool, and what she eats off the job. The reminder doesn’t give me any ideas about what I could say now that’s even remotely interesting.
“Saanvi,” Alex says, voicing my concern. “We need more direction than that.”
“What’s it like to work around here?” she prompts. “The environment, the people, the expectations? Make sure you answer in a complete sentence because my voice will get cut. And say it to Casey, like you’re having a conversation.”
After thinking for a minute, he leans toward me, both his elbows propped on the table’s surface. Eyes on mine, as if it’s just the two of us here. “Working in Manhattan is halfway a dream and halfway a living nightmare,” he says lowly.
I nod, swallowing. “Couldn’t agree more.”
“There are so many weird smells.” He wrinkles his nose. “I dry-clean my suits so often now that I’m only one punch away from fifty percent off the next time I walk past a garbage truck at high noon.”
I laugh, take a sip of my Topo Chico (stalling), and then fiddle with the bottle, making sure the label is facing the camera. My eyes dip up to Alex, then back down again. I can already feel myself starting to choke.
“What’s something that surprised you about working downtown?” he asks, pitching me a softball. Still trying to make me feel comfortable.
“Um.” My brain produces word vomit: “The mansplaining I get subjected to is more random than you’d think?” Alex arches an eyebrow in silent question, cuing me to go on. “Like, this one time, completely unprompted, a guy at Pret saw me reading a New York Times op-ed, and he started lecturing me about the history of newspapers. I’ve also gotten sailboat anatomy from somebody at Blue Bottle whose coffee order is a decaf drip with two shots of espresso. And another time, on my way to the office, somebody just, like, walked right up to me, and started giving me unsolicited directions to Rockefeller Park.”
“Well, you do have a picnic-girl vibe. Very pack-and-play,” Alex says.
My eyes narrow. “Excuse me?”
“It’s a compliment.”
“In what world?”
“In mine. People who upheave themselves at a moment’s notice in the name of fun are the best kind of people.”
“Guys!” Saanvi says, snapping. “No tangents, please!”
“Sorry.” I put the question back on Alex: “What about you? What’s something that has surprised you about downtown?”
He runs a hand over his jaw, thinking. “I guess it shouldn’t have, but the level of security did. If you’re forgetful like me, getting around the building with no badge can be a pain.”
I nod and add, “Stock market volatility is like FiDi’s version of Mercury in retrograde.”
Alex grins. “A rat followed me into the revolving door of our building yesterday.”
“Young professionals around here thrive on gossip, but they’ll disguise it with the word ‘networking.’”
“People from the city love to remind you they’re from the city,” he adds.
“Also, this whole video concept of an hour-long sit-down lunch with a coworker? It’s kind of bullshit.” I turn toward the camera, half expecting Saanvi to be pissed at me for the honesty, but her lips are pulled up like I’m playing right into her hands, so I keep going. “Low-level grunts like me and Alex don’t have time for fancy Italian lunches. I typically eat takeout or vending machine food at my desk.”
“I don’t even bother most days.” Alex absentmindedly twirls his bottle between his thumb and pointer finger, completely reversing the label. Saanvi scowls, and I can’t help but smirk. “But I don’t mind,” Alex goes on, oblivious. “I love my job, and the scope of what we’re doing at Bite the Hand feels endless. I think that’s what’s cool about the magazine industry, too.”
“What do you mean?”
“If you’re willing to evolve, cut your losses when it comes to print, keep things fresh, it’s a launchpad for whatever you want it to be.”
“Is that why you came here?” I ask. “The launchpad?”
“That’s part of it.” Alex nods. “But also, I just … burned out eventually, I guess. I needed to come home.” He drops his eyes to the table and picks up his slice of pizza. “Sorry, Saanvi, that was probably too personal.”