“Stevie,” Ren said. “I’m sorry.”
Stevie shook her head. “I get it. Really, I do. But I need you all to understand that just because I have an anxiety disorder, it doesn’t mean I don’t know how to take care of myself. I do need you. I need you all so much, but part of that need is you having a little fucking faith in me.”
They were all silent and Stevie turned back toward the city, letting her words sink in. Her heart was racing, but god it felt good to finally say it.
Adri broke the spell first. She reached out and took Stevie’s hand again. Stevie let her, because she knew everything she needed from Adri she’d already given to herself.
“I love you,” Adri said.
Stevie smiled. “I know you do.”
She nodded, then let Stevie go, kissing Vanessa’s cheek before she excused herself and went back inside. Vanessa hugged Stevie once, then followed her, leaving only Ren.
“I take it the fake relationship eventually turned pretty real,” they said.
Stevie just laughed. “Real as it gets.”
Ren nodded. “I’m sorry. For putting you in that position.”
“I’m not,” Stevie said, shaking her head. “I mean, yeah, it’s true you get a little overbearing—”
“Fair.”
“—but I don’t regret meeting Iris,” Stevie finished, then smiled at Ren, a lump in her throat. “Not one bit.”
Ren turned around so they were facing Adri’s apartment windows, leaning their elbows on the railing. “I can see that.”
Stevie looped her arm through theirs, leaned her head on their shoulder. They stayed like that for a while, then Stevie felt Ren tense up.
“What is it?” Stevie said, turning to look at whatever had caught Ren’s attention.
“Isn’t that . . .” Ren asked, squinting and pointing to someone inside.
Stevie’s heart betrayed her, all anger flooding out of her system. She swallowed, her mouth immediately dry, eyes searching for red hair and freckles.
“. . . Iris’s friends?” Ren went on. “What are their names? The one with the tattoos and her fiancée who owns the bookstore?”
Stevie couldn’t breathe, her chest completely locked up. She spotted Claire and Delilah weaving through the crowd. “You invited her whole crew?”
Ren shook their head. “Just Iris.”
Stevie watched as Claire spotted her, waving and leading Delilah—who paused by the bar Adri had set up and grabbed two glasses of wine—in Stevie’s direction.
“Hey, Stevie,” Claire said, smiling sweetly.
“Um. Hey,” Stevie said, frowning. “Is . . .”
Claire shook her head.
Stevie exhaled audibly, pressing a hand to her chest. She didn’t mean to be so dramatic, but it felt like she hadn’t taken a breath in about an hour.
“I’m sorry,” Claire said.
Stevie waved a hand, swallowed around the balloon in her throat.
“So . . .” Ren said. “Okay, I’m going to go check on the food.”
They kissed Stevie on the cheek, then left Stevie on the balcony with her ex-girlfriend’s best friends.
“Does Iris know you’re here?” she asked.
“Are you kidding me?” Delilah said, sipping on her red wine. “She’d slip arsenic in our drinks first chance she got.”
Stevie sighed. “Then—and sorry if this is rude—but what are you doing here?”
“My fiancée is a hopeless romantic?” Delilah said.
Claire smacked her lightly on the shoulder. “Babe.”
“I didn’t say I don’t like it,” Delilah said, leaning close and kissing her on the neck, just once, but it was enough to make Stevie’s heart clench.
“I’m sorry to just show up,” Claire said. “But Iris mentioned Ren had invited her to your going-away party and I—”
“She did?” Stevie said.
“She didn’t mean to,” Delilah said. “She was drunk.”
Stevie closed her eyes, shook her head. “Oh.”
“She’s hurting, Stevie,” Claire said. “I know she is.”
“She said as much?” Stevie asked.
“Not in so many words. You know Iris.”
“I’m not sure I do, actually,” Stevie said, folding her arms. Even now, after everything that had happened, it felt like a lie.
Claire nodded. “I know she hurt you. But she’s just scared. I didn’t want you to leave without making sure you understood that.”
Stevie looked away, her eyes already starting to sting. But underneath her sadness, her heartbreak, there was also that anger. She leaned in to it. She needed it to keep her upright, to keep her going.
Because at the end of the day, it didn’t matter how scared Iris was. Stevie was scared all the fucking time, but she was ready to try. To take a chance with her career and her heart.
“Claire,” she said, “I get that you love her and you want what’s best for her. But look around you. She’s not here.”
Claire pressed her mouth together. Delilah looked down at her wine.
“I already told Iris everything she needs to know,” Stevie said, a confidence she didn’t realize she had flooding into her veins—or maybe she had known it all along, she just hadn’t trusted it before now. “And she said no. Didn’t even want to talk about it with me. It no longer matters why.”
Claire swallowed, and she nodded. “I get that.”
“Good,” Stevie said. Her hands were starting to shake, but she shoved them into her pockets, a show of strength and resolve. “I’m glad to see you both so I could say goodbye. And I really appreciate all of your support, but Iris and I are over.”
Claire nodded again, and Delilah laced their hands together, kissed the tips of her fingers.
Stevie stepped forward and hugged them both—they were good friends, she could see that, and in another life, she would’ve loved being part of their lives.
But this wasn’t that life.
“I wish you both all the best,” she said as she released them. They smiled at her, offered her the same, and then she excused herself.
Once inside, she wove through the crowd, the well-wishers, the friends and colleagues she was leaving behind, and found her way to the bathroom. Thankfully, it was empty. She locked herself inside and sank down against the door, a sob escaping from her chest as she hugged her knees close, letting herself finally fall apart.
Ten minutes later, her body like an empty husk, clean and ready for something new, something real, she stood up. She wiped her face, blew her nose, smoothed her hair back as much as she could.
Then she went back to her party, ready to say goodbye to her old life, finally ready to welcome in a new one.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
OCTOBER IN BRIGHT Falls was truly a sight to see.
The trees were a riot of color, all reds and yellows and purples. When Iris was a kid, she and her siblings would trounce around the backyard, trying to find a dying leaf whose shade exactly matched their hair.
As an adult, she still couldn’t resist the tradition. As she stood in River Wild Books, the shop crowded with her friends and family, Bright Falls residents with Iris’s debut romance novel in their hands, ready for her to sign their copy, her hand played in the pocket of her teal maxi dress, fingers sliding up and down the smooth red leaf she’d found on the sidewalk before her event started.
“Quite a turnout,” Astrid said from next to her, a glass of champagne in one hand, Jordan’s fingers tangled in the other.
“You sound surprised,” Iris said, smiling over her own glass of bubbly.
“Not at all,” Astrid said. “I knew your book would be a hit.”
“I think this is more of a We’ve known Iris since she had braces kind of crowd, as opposed to actual romance fans,” Iris said.
“Fair,” Astrid said, “but all they have to do is read the first page and they’ll be hooked for life.”
“Agreed,” Claire said, winking at Iris through her glasses.