I’m the bad guy there.
I squeeze my eyes shut for a moment because it’s all too much. I’m about to explode out of my own skin from all the questions and chaos mounting inside me. I’m beyond confused, and I can feel myself careening into a mental breakdown. All I want to do is get out of this room.
I don’t like feeling cornered. And I don’t like that something inside of me wants to soothe away the worry and discomfort I can see in the sheriff’s face. I shouldn’t want to comfort him—and why the hell does it bother me that Gannon left?
He waltzed in here with his hotness, turned into a fucking wolf, and then just peaced out like it was no biggie.
What was that? And why do I fucking care? He’s a goddamned stranger. He fucking bit me!
I groan. I don’t know how to deal with any of this. I just want to rewind, drive past this town, and eat a shitty protein bar for dinner.
“What do you need, Noah? How can we help?” Ellery asks. I open my eyes and look up at him.
What do I need?
“I need a break,” I confess. “I have questions, sooo many questions, but I need a minute to process all of this.”
Ellery’s blue eyes soften, and he nods in understanding. He looks over at his dad. “Can you stick around? I’ll get her settled over at the inn, but we need to talk about how Noah ended up in the Hunt, and you’re going to want to call the betas in for that conversation.”
His dad nods and pulls out his phone before turning to me. “I know Ellery’s already told you, but I want to reiterate how sorry I am that this happened. When you’re ready, I’d like to talk to you about the pack and your place in it. I know it won’t make sense yet, but I want you to know we’re your family now. Pack looks after each other, and that now includes you. Anything you need, we’re here. Okay?” His eyes are solemn and steady, and a warm feeling surrounds me but doesn’t invade like it did previously. No warm fuzzies fly forcefully into my mind. They just hover nearby, like a person holding their arms out for a hug, waiting for the other person to embrace them.
My eyes prick with emotion at his words and the look on his face that tells me he genuinely means it.
I’ve never had a family, not since my mom passed. When I was younger, I thought maybe I could create one with friends and co-workers and other people who mattered in my life. The problem I’d run into over and over again, was that those people weren’t like me. They had loved ones. They had that elusive thing I was so desperate for, and they didn’t need me the same way I needed them. They cared in their own way, but I was always the outsider looking in. I was always left in the cold, hand on the glass, staring through the window at the glowing love, support, and acceptance they had. I was always left wishing.
I gave up on the idea of a family a long time ago.
Morgan Arcan stares at me like he can see all of this written on the inside of my soul. I want to believe him. Despite everything that’s happened, his words tug at pieces of me I’ve ignored for so long. But I’ve been broken by this hope before.
I know all too well where desperate dreaming leads, and there are never any pots of gold or happily-ever-afters found at the end of that rainbow.
I don’t say anything as Ellery leads me out of his office. Following his steps on autopilot, I don’t really see anything as he guides me past offices, deputies at desks, and Fife—who’s once again sitting at the front of the station. I feel Fife’s eyes on me as Ellery holds the door and I walk out into the arms of the warm sun and a cool breeze.
I pull in a deep breath, immediately relieved to be out of that building.
“The inn is just a couple blocks away. You want to walk or drive?” Ellery asks.
I look toward the parking lot and grimace when I see the Jeep I stole is still parked there.
“Walking is fine,” I answer, a squeak of guilt in my tone that I hope he doesn’t notice. I’m pretty sure I have a valid excuse, but maybe it’s best not to remind the sheriff that I was living that grand theft auto life this morning.
“How long should I wait to tell him all their car keys are in the passenger seat?”
Ellery offers me a smile, and there’s a strange glint of amusement in his eyes before he turns and starts to walk down the sidewalk, pausing after a few steps and waiting for me to follow. I decide a couple of keyless hours won’t hurt anybody. Looking around, I try to take in this unfamiliar town through the eyes of an eerie. Nothing looks strange or unusual, the air doesn’t sparkle, and I’m not bowled over by scents, but everything about this place—and now my own body—feels foreign.
How can people be smiling and walking down the road with coffees in hand when my life is falling the fuck apart? But that’s how it always is, I remind myself. The worst day of one person’s life is someone else’s average Tuesday.
Breathing deep, I sort through a few of the questions rattling around in my head and pick out the most important one.
“So…am I, like, safe in public?” I ask as we amble casually down the sidewalk between planters filled with orange and yellow mums. “Do I need to be chained in a basement or something until I can keep my monster from ripping people apart?”
Ellery looks over at me pointedly. “Your wolf. Not your monster,” he corrects gently.
To-may-to, to-mah-to.
“You’ve been perfectly fine till now. What makes you think that will change?” he asks evenly. “Have the sudden urge to rip into people’s chests and eat their hearts?”
“Is that a thing?” I demand, my tone squeaky with shock, heartbeat skipping. I see a couple pushing a baby in a stroller a few hundred feet away, and I glance around, prepared to cross the road and spare them if need be.
Ellery rolls his eyes and chuckles as he shakes his head at me. “We’re not cannibals, just wolf shifters. We’re bigger than our canine cousins, we live longer, our instincts lean a little wilder than the average human, but we still have feelings and rational thought in both forms. If you weren’t a homicidal maniac before, it’s not likely you’ll suddenly turn into one. You weren’t, were you?” he asks, his brow rising in faux suspicion, but his tone is clearly joking.
“No homicidal leanings, just a craving for raw meat and the urge to start marking my territory,” I snark back, needing the easy banter to chase away all the other things that feel too dark and heavy right now.
Ellery laughs, and again the sound does things to me, things I’m adding to the list of shit I’m not thinking about until I’ve had a shower, a good cry, and several bottles of wine.
“Already?” he mocks with faux shock. “Usually that instinct doesn’t kick in for a few more days. Just remember, if you pee in public, be sure to do it in fur form. Otherwise, I’ll have to give you a ticket.”
I snort out a laugh despite myself, but then his words nip me in the ass.
Fur form.
“Fuck my life, I have a fur form now thanks to bite and run Gannon.”