“As you can imagine, this little trip actually meant canceling three of my appearances.” His smile faltered, and he scratched the point of his chin. “Appearances you were supposed to attend at my side.”
“That wasn’t going to happen, whether or not I was in the States.” I shook my head and made my way to the little table behind the couch, leaving my bag on the surface and rolling my stiff shoulders. “And you shouldn’t be here, Jeremy. I asked you for space, and you chasing me halfway across the world is hardly giving it to me.”
“Come on, Isa.” He offered me smile number three, the boyish one he used whenever he was trying to get his way, the one that had fooled me into thinking we had a shot at a real second chance. “I thought you loved all those romantic, bold moves in the books you read. I flew into a war zone for you. Doesn’t that tell you how much I love you? How badly I want to make this work?”
I kept the couch between us when he came my way. “It tells me you probably already had a photo opportunity downstairs, where you were no doubt helping process visas, or talking to would-be constituents about how best to evacuate them.”
Surprise flared in his eyes, and then he looked downward as he trailed his fingers across the arm of the upholstered couch. “Naturally I did what was needed to convince my father that this was a campaign expense.”
“Aren’t you sick of that yet? Constantly appeasing your father? God knows I am.” I didn’t even realize it until the words were out of my mouth. I was stuck in a perpetual cycle of trying to please the men in my life, only to have them abandon me at their convenience. Seeing Nate only made it that much clearer because unfortunately, instead of breaking the pattern, he’d become part of it.
“Come on, Isa. You know I can’t get elected without my dad’s support . . . we play the game. That’s what we do.”
“Right. Well, feel free to get right back on that plane.” If I could have rolled my eyes any harder, they would have come out of my head. Politics always came first with him. It was one of the many reasons my parents loved him more than I did.
“Come with me.” The pleading look he shot me was unpracticed, and it nearly disarmed me.
“If I have to listen to one more person lecture me about how unsafe it is—” I started.
“Oh no,” he said, shaking his head. “I have nothing but the utmost respect for the work you’re doing here. It’s going to be a great bullet point on your résumé and talking point for future interviews, but . . .”
My eyes flared. Of course it was all about points with him. “But what?”
He cringed and offered me smile number three again. “But we had an agreement. You would support me on the campaign trail, and I wouldn’t push you to leave your career once I was elected.”
My mouth opened, then shut, then repeated the process as I struggled to find the words. “Are you so delusional that you think I would show up on your arm after I walked into your office to find Clarisse Betario splayed out on your desk like lunch?” The memory made my stomach churn, but my heart didn’t ache like it was supposed to.
“That was . . . unfortunate,” he admitted. “But don’t act like you were heartbroken. We know each other too well to lie. You were pissed. Probably embarrassed—”
“Humiliated is more like it!” My hands curled into fists, my fingernails biting into my palms. “Everyone in that office knew what was going on, and believe me, they were more than happy to tell me it wasn’t a onetime lapse in judgment. You’ve been having an affair for six months! The ink wasn’t even dry on our engagement announcement.”
He took a slow, deep breath, and his eyes shifted, a habit he had yet to control that meant he was scurrying for an answer. “I regret that you were embarrassed, Isa. Truly, I am.”
I blinked. “But you don’t regret cheating on me?” Of all the tactics I thought he’d use, this hadn’t been one.
“We agreed never to lie to each other.” He straightened his shoulders.
“Right, because that was the only way forward after what happened after Syracuse!” I’d been so incredibly stupid to trust him again.
“Are you never going to let that rest?” He raked his hands through his hair, mussing the perfect brown strands. “I thought we were past that!”
“Yeah, we moved on to you screwing your staff. Big improvement.” I gave him a thumbs-up and kicked off my shoes. Thankfully I’d chosen flats for the meeting in Mazar-i-Sharif, but my feet still weren’t ready to forgive me.
“Look, I thought we’d discussed having an open relationship—”
“You discussed!” I slammed my hand down on the table, the sound of the impact of my ring against the wood punctuating my disgust. “I never agreed. You knew that was never going to fly with me. I would never agree to that!”
“Your father wants—”
“My father doesn’t make my decisions for me.” I recognized just how true the words were, but only because it was dawning on me just how false they had been in the past. Even Jeremy was Dad’s choice, not mine, and I’d been so hungry for his approval that I’d gone against my gut and given a second chance to a relationship that had never deserved a first. “And as much as he’s desperate for political ties, he’d never expect me to accept less than I deserve, and I’m finally seeing that you, Jeremy, are way less.”
He swallowed and glanced down at my hand. “If you’re still wearing the ring, then there’s still hope.”
“I haven’t taken it off because your actions have rendered me speechless,” I replied, walking past him toward the kitchenette. “I don’t know how to tell people why I’m not wearing it.”
“So just keep wearing it,” he suggested, following me.
I pulled a bottle of water from the fridge and didn’t offer him one. He’d taken enough from me already. Then I twisted the top off and drank almost half of it in greedy gulps before setting the bottle on the counter. “If we’re going for complete honesty, let’s just lay it out,” I said, bracing my palms on the counter and hopping up to sit on it. “Neither of us really honestly wants this. It’s been engineered by everyone around us for optics.”
“Not just for the good of my career, but for yours too.” He tugged his tie loose.
“I never wanted to go into politics.” I shook my head.
He laughed, and it wasn’t the happy, melodious sound he’d perfected over the years. It was raw and a little ugly, but at least it was real. “Let’s not pretend we both don’t know exactly why you went into politics.” He shoved his hands into his pockets. “Exactly why you’re still here.”
I gripped the edge of the counter, preparing myself for the scathing verbal assault that had made him such a star in the DA’s office. After all, public service looked much better on his résumé than private practice.