“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” They swivel to face Lizzie. “You. Vampire. You’ve been awfully quiet since mouthing off a few minutes ago.”
“And interrupt this rousing speech?” She sounds absolutely bored. “As I said, the only reason I’m here is to get my family heirlooms. I’m hunting the Crimson Hag. As soon as I find that ship, I’m returning to my realm. Expect no vows from me, but I’m more than capable of pulling my weight and playing nice in the meantime.”
It’s hardly a binding promise, but I’m beginning to understand that it’s as close to one as Lizzie will get. I tuck Evelyn tighter against my body and look down at her. “Well? What do you think?”
She’s a little pale, a little scared. But her smile is genuine. “I do believe that your paladin ways are rubbing off on me. Let’s be the good guys.”
CHAPTER 35
Evelyn
BEING ONE OF THE GOOD GUYS IS A LOT OF FUCKING work. It takes nearly a full day to clean up the bloodbath caused by Lizzie and Bowen. Apparently a burial at sea just means tossing the bodies over the railing. I’d assume they’d wash ashore in short order, but when I say as much to Nox, they get a strange look on their face and say, “They won’t have a chance to.”
I don’t know what that means, but I suspect it has to do with sea monsters, and in that case I’m better off not knowing. I maintain that eliminating the mermaids was a service to the people of Three Sisters. I’m glad that I forced the issue with the dragon; I really hope she and her youngling escaped okay. But that doesn’t mean I want to know about every predator that hunts beneath the surface.
Not when I’m sailing on what amounts to a tiny boat. Yes, the ship is plenty huge, but compared to a kraken or some other beastie that I’ve never heard of? The thought makes my skin prickle, so I very intentionally don’t let myself linger on it.
Bowen and I are assigned the same cabin as before, but there’s no time or energy to do anything but sleep in the bed. We work all day, then collapse into a state not unlike unconsciousness at nightfall. Even so, the change in Bowen is marked.
He’s lighter on his feet. Smiles more often. Even his shoulders seem straighter, as if he set down a burden he’s been carrying for far too long. And when he holds me, he holds me closely, as if he believes I might slip away at any moment.
On the fourth day, Lizzie finds me hiding in the pantry. She leans against the door and crosses her arms over her chest. “What are you doing?”
“Just taking an unsanctioned break.”
“I see.” Instead of letting the awkwardness grow or walking away, she steps into the pantry and drops down on the faded wooden box next to me. “The portal to our home realm is destroyed.”
“Yeah.” Guilt tries to wrap around my throat, but it took two of us to make that happen. I was reckless with my magic, and she wasn’t exactly slowing down to ask questions before she attacked. “I’d say we both share the blame with that.”
She shakes her head. “You’re always so eager to look for someone to blame. It was an accident, and beyond that, it’s not the only way home. Threshold might be the space that connects all realms, but that doesn’t mean the rest of them aren’t also connected in some way. It will take some time, but there’s no proof that it’s impossible.”
She’s not saying anything that I hadn’t already considered myself, but that raises the question of why she’s saying it. I twist to face her. “If anyone can do it, you can.”
“Of that, I have no doubt.” She taps her fingers on her knee. “What I’m trying to say is that I realize I may share part of the responsibility for us coming to this place and getting into this situation. As such, I’m offering to escort you home. After I retrieve my family heirlooms.”
Shock steals my words for several long moments. She hasn’t tried to murder me lately, but a removal of active animosity is not quite the same thing as forgiveness. Neither is this, technically. Still, it’s more than I could have dreamed of being offered. “You’re serious.”
“I see how you light up around him, Evelyn. You might think it’s love, but what happens when the lust wears off? You’ll realize that you’re stuck in a life you never wanted. You like to party, steal things, and embrace every moment of life to its fullest. If you stay here and take part in some revolution, you’re likely to end up dead.” She stares at her fingers. “It … upsets me … to think you might die for a cause that’s not yours.”
Maybe it should hurt that she wasn’t willing to give even the slightest indication of caring until I was well beyond her reach. There was a moment in the past when I could’ve given my heart to this vampire. I don’t know if it would’ve worked out, but it doesn’t matter anymore. That moment is gone. I still care about her, but it will never be what I feel for Bowen.
Still, the fact that she’s offering this option at all warms my chest. I bump my shoulder against hers. “I care about you, too, you know. But what I feel for Bowen is entirely different. It’s more than just caring, and certainly more than just lust. I love him.”
She sighs. “I thought you might say that.”
“You’re right that I’ve never had a cause to fight for before now, but this one is noble. It’s one that Bunny would approve of.” It’s true, but it’s not the full truth. “But even if she wouldn’t have … it’s time I start making my own decisions. I believe in this cause. What the C?n Annwn are doing in Threshold is wrong, and I might not be a great warrior, but I can help right the wrongs they’ve committed. It’s dangerous, but it’s the right thing to do and I feel strongly about being part of it.”
“If you change your mind—”
“I won’t.” I make an effort to gentle my tone. “But I appreciate the offer. Really, I do.” I stand, my sore muscles groaning in protest. “I better get back to work.”
I leave Lizzie alone in the pantry, her expression unreadable. I didn’t realize I needed to have that conversation as much as she apparently did, but I feel lighter for having done it. As if I really gave us proper closure, instead of running from the discomfort of something ending. How novel.
I want to seek Bowen out, to talk to him about the new confidence settling inside me, but I make myself wait until our shift is over. Nox runs a tight ship and they don’t take kindly to someone shirking their duties—especially since we’re sailing with a much lighter crew than the Audacity really needs to perform at capacity. Nox said something about picking up more people soon, but they’ve been incredibly vague about what that means—or what happens after.
They still don’t trust us. That’s fine. We’ll earn their trust with time.
I find Bowen in our cabin, standing in the shower with his hands braced against the tile. It’s the most natural thing in the world to strip and join him in the small space. I slip between him and the wall and wrap my arms around his waist. “Hey.”