“It’s okay,” he said. “I’ve got it.”
“It’s your back,” I said. “How are you going to reach it?”
“I’ll manage.”
Was it his fault that he startled me and made me trip?
Absolutely. Sort of.
But was I the one who landed on him and dragged him across a roof?
Also yes.
“Let me help you,” I said, my voice much softer now. “You wouldn’t be scraped up like this if I hadn’t landed on you.”
“You wouldn’t have landed on me if I hadn’t come up here.”
“You wouldn’t have come up here if the lock had been working properly.”
Joe nodded. “So this is all Mr. Kim’s fault.”
“One hundred percent Mr. Kim,” I agreed, taking Joe’s hand and pulling him toward my place like a tugboat. “But I’m all you’ve got.”
* * *
INSIDE, JOE COULDN’T stop looking around at all my paintings, and I couldn’t stop looking at Joe.
He was taking in my painting supplies, and my decor, and my hovel in general—but his expression was so different from what Lucinda’s had been. She’d been judging me, and he was, too—but, from his body language, he was judging me positively.
Like he liked it.
Which was a little bit spellbinding.
Or was it the torso? Tough call.
I mean … all this time I’d been disliking him, he’d been walking around with that endlessly appealing situation under his shirt? I wondered if I might have assessed him differently if I’d known.
God. Was I that shallow?
An hour ago, I’d have said no—but now I wasn’t so sure.
But what choice did I have—as an artist—to let a visual situation like that go unadmired? It was practically my professional duty.
Even now, the thought of it makes me want to let out a low whistle. I mean, that chest might even have been better than a face. If I had to choose.
I made Joe lean shirtlessly over my kitchen sink while I poured hydrogen peroxide over the scrapes. He sucked in tight breaths as the cold bubbly liquid ran down his flanks.
“Ticklish?” I asked, watching his muscles contract.
He shook his head. “Only my ears.”
I dried the uninjured parts of his back with a paper towel, and then I offered to wash his shirt for him.
He shook his head. “I got it. I’ll just head home.”
But at the words, I suddenly pictured him walking down the top-floor hallway all shirtless and someone else happening upon him—and I got the weirdest, most indescribable feeling.
If I didn’t know better, I’d have called it jealousy.
“Let me put some ointment on you,” I said.
“I’m really okay.”
“That roof,” I said, giving him a trust me look, “is super filthy. Birds poop on it all the time. Not to mention acid rain, nuclear waste—”
“Nuclear waste?”
“The point is, you don’t want an infection.”
Joe considered that, and then nodded and sat backward on one of the kitchen chairs.
I pulled up a chair behind him and used a Q-tip to dab him with ointment. The scratches weren’t deep, but they covered a lot of territory.
With any luck, we’d be here a while.
He had a bright pink scar on his shoulder that looked like he’d gotten stitches. “Where’d you get the scar?” I asked. “It looks pretty recent.”
“I crashed into a lamppost,” Joe said, not seeming too interested.
He crashed into a lamppost? Was that the drinking-and-carousing lifestyle he lived?
So many red flags with this guy.
But I must have been much more lonesome than I realized. Here was a man who I didn’t even like—but the nearness of his naked torso was putting me into some kind of a trance. What was going on with me? I was dabbing at the scrapes, but I kept losing my concentration and dabbing the wrong spots. My eyes kept wandering away from the task, traveling up his spine, out along his shoulder, down his arms. His skin was kind of buttery-tan, and he had freckles on his shoulders, like he’d worked outside a lot with that shirt off.
I pictured him raking leaves shirtless. And washing the car shirtless. Maybe tending to a vegetable garden shirtless? Then harvesting the vegetables and bringing them inside to make a shirtless meal from scratch?
Hey! I could suddenly hear my own voice saying inside my head. Pull it together! Stop fantasizing about the Weasel!
But the acoustics in my head weren’t great. The voice sounded tinny and echoey like I was at the bottom of a well. Whereas Joe’s voice—and everything else about him—was coming in loud and clear.
Honestly, Dr. Nicole would be very proud of me right now.
“You know what I love about this moment?” Joe asked then, sounding sleepy as he rested his head on his arms.
I leaned forward to take a guess. “The fact that I feel genuinely sorry about doing this to you, even though it was entirely your fault?”
“I definitely like that. But I’m talking about something I love.”
By accident, right then, I caught the way his plump bottom lip pressed against his teeth when he made the V in the word love.
“What do you love?” I asked, now suddenly aware of my own lip doing the same thing.
He glanced back with a vibe that felt positively affectionate. Then he said, “You’ve still got your roller skates on.”
Thirteen
THE NEXT NIGHT was Friday. The night of my synchronized caffeination event with Dr. Addison.
Also known as my first date with my future husband.
He wasn’t calling it a date. And neither was I—out loud.
But that was all for the loophole.
He’d be at Bean Street Coffee—just a short walk for him from his work—at six o’clock. And I would be there, too. It was a bad idea, for sure. But more important: What should I wear? Jeans and a top? Sneakers? Sandals? Or god forbid—heels?
I tried many outfit options and modeled them all for Peanut. We don’t need to get mathematical about it. Let’s just say I was very thorough.
In the end, I settled on a black wrap dress with white polka dots and a ruffled hem—with the mental caveat that if it was too fancy, I could always pop back up to my place and change.
Other than the historic nature of the First Date, there was one other notable thing about today. But I wasn’t sure if I was going to share it with Dr. Addison.
Today—March fourth—was my mother’s birthday.
And I always celebrated my mom’s birthday. Just the two of us. I’d tuck a flower behind my ear, the way she always used to, and I’d bake a cake from scratch, and I’d buy candles, and I’d sing happy birthday to her. And then I’d talk to her like she could hear me. Just out loud—alone in a room by myself. As if the birthdays of the dead were the one day of the year when they could tune in to the voices of their loved ones left behind like a radio frequency.
I’d tell her about my life—catch her up on all the nonsense and goings-on. Give her the Peanut update. Reminisce a bit about fun things we’d done together when she was alive. And then I’d always, always thank her for being my mother, and for being such a source of love and joy that I could still feel it all these years later, so long after she was gone.
That was no small feat on her part.