I know it, and I’ll never be able to forget it.
My heart squeezes, and I do the only reasonable thing I can. I take a photo of her with my phone, strip down to my boxer briefs, turn off the lamp, and climb into bed behind her.
I don’t bother pretending, don’t bother waiting. I move straight to her and press my front against her back, spooning her body with mine.
Cassandra lets out a deep exhale, melting into me.
The pressure in my chest intensifies.
What is it about her?
I’ve been with women. Lots of women. Some of them have been stunning. Some sweet. Some probably had the potential to be great partners. But I wasn’t interested. It never even crossed my mind to bend my concrete boundaries or to consider retirement.
Retirement.
I circle my arm around Cassandra’s waist, my forearm against her stomach and my hand tucking back between her soft body and the mattress.
I tuck my other arm under the pillow.
This feels so right.
I let my eyes close and think of the word again. Retirement.
I don’t think I’ll ever completely retire. You don’t really leave this life, not with your heart still beating.
And I won’t lie and pretend I hate it. Won’t pretend something deep inside me doesn’t love it. Doesn’t revel in the violence. But I don’t need to do every hit Karmine sends my way. She has plenty of girls who could do what I do. I’ve been doing it for so long—searching for justice and forgiveness, for so fucking long—it’s just become what is.
But now…
I sigh.
Right now, nothing has changed. People are still after me. They might always be after me. And until I can guarantee the safety of those around me, nothing will change.
I can’t keep her.
She’s not mine.
Anger claws at the base of my skull, wishing things were different.
Wishing I was different.
Only tonight, I try to convince myself as I press my nose against her hair.
Only for tonight.
CHAPTER 25
Cassie
That heady pine scent I love fills my senses and pulls my mind the rest of the way out of sleep.
Hans.
The heavy arm across my side isn’t my own. The heat at my back, the breath against my hair, the hardness against my bottom… It’s all Hans.
I take a slow breath and crack my eyes open, trying to keep my body still.
I’m in bed with Hans.
I am in a bed, with Hans.
I take another slow inhale.
A faint memory of his arms around me dances through my brain, and I have to assume he carried me in here. Which, one, I would love to be awake for that, and two, should probably worry me as much as the second sword he has mounted to the wall I’m facing.
But it doesn’t.
Hans’s decorating skills may need a little help, but this mattress is the most comfortable thing I’ve ever lain on.
With the smallest movements I can manage, I nuzzle my face into the pillow.
This pillowcase is made of the softest cotton, and the pillow’s thickness provides the perfect amount of support.
It’s like his couch and his knives. And, now that I think about it, his truck. All nice. All well taken care of.
I can’t help but wonder what he thought when he was in my house the other day. Did he like all the color and decor, or does he hate it? Does he prefer living a minimalist lifestyle?
Not that he spent much time looking around.
The length pressed against my ass twitches.
I freeze.
Suddenly, it feels imperative that I get out of here before the man behind me wakes up.
What we did in my living room was hot. Like super hot. But it was also an in the moment thing. But waking up with his big dick twitching against my ass… I don’t know how to be cool about that.
Not to mention, the man is sick. He needs to sleep so his body can recover.
I start to carefully slide from his grip.
I’ll sneak out of here and save us both the uncomfortable experience of waking up together.
CHAPTER 26
Hans
Her breathing shifts and I know she’s awake.
I keep my body relaxed against hers. I don’t want to make her feel weird by giving away that I’ve been lying here, watching her sleep, for the last thirty minutes.
She nuzzles her face against the pillow, and I wonder if she might just fall right back asleep.
But then her whole body does some sort of shimmy. And her ass wiggles against the hard-on I’ve had since waking.
I look over the top of her head, focusing on the wall and forcing myself to stay relaxed.
When she finally notices my cock pressed into her, Cassandra stiffens.
Slowly, she starts to climb out of bed, like she’s trying to be sneaky or not wake me, but she accidentally pulls the blanket off my shoulders. Then she bumps the bed frame, shaking it.
She hunches her shoulders as she tiptoes out of the room.
My eyes are open, my head is turned toward her, but she doesn’t look back.
She must step on every squeaky floorboard in the house on her way to the front door, only to make more noise gathering her picnic basket.
Shaking my head, I wait until I hear the front door open and close before I climb out of bed and follow her steps.
I don’t know why she snuck out.
And I don’t know how she could possibly think she was being quiet. Her exit could’ve woken me from a coma.
But whatever her reasons, I need to let her leave.
It’s for the best.
CHAPTER 27
Cassie
Blowing out a breath, I eye the front of Hans’s house.
I’m pretty sure he’s home since I haven’t seen him leave since I snuck out of his bed this morning. And I know I shouldn’t bother him. I’ve done enough of that already. But…
I glance back at my car and bite my lip.
CHAPTER 28
Hans
My knife slows to a stop against the sharpening block as I watch Cassandra climb out of her car, even though she just climbed into it a moment ago.
What’s wrong, Butterfly?
She puts her hands on her hips, indecision evident in her body language. She looks at my house, back at her car, then back to my house.
Her teeth press into that plump lower lip, and I feel it in my balls.
It’s worse now. Now that I know what it’s like to touch her. To feel her against me. Because now, when I see her on the screen like this, it feels even more distant. Even further from reality.
But then she takes one step down her driveway. Then another, and another, until she’s crossing the street.
I let my knife drop to the workbench and stand.
I’ve always ignored her knocking at my door. Always.
Until last night.
And since she hasn’t left the house today, she probably knows I haven’t either.
And since I carried her to my bed last night rather than wake her up to send her home, I can’t really ignore her. That would be rude.
Excuses.
With long strides, I exit my safe room, leaving my surveillance and voice of reason behind as I secure the door.
I’m through the false wall and up the stairs before Cassandra knocks the first time.