“Fuck,” he breathes. “You’re such a good girl.”
Encouraged, I open my mouth and take him deeper. My hand clutches the base of his cock. He grabs a fistful of my hair, legs shaking. I suck in a breath through my nose, reveling in being able to take so much of him.
I blink up, a half-smile on my stuffed lips, and he rolls his head back, groaning. “Seven realms, you’re beautiful.”
His praise makes my chest heave, and I work him with my mouth and fingers until he starts thrusting against me. His tight grip on my hair keeps my head steady as he fucks my mouth, gently at first, and then harder and harder.
“You’re so good,” he groans. “Too good.”
I drop my hand from his balls and press against his hips to stop his movement. Then I pop off his cock, a line of spit dripping out of my mouth. “Are you going to give me your cum?”
His cock twitches in front of my face. “What?”
My voice becomes a whine. “Will you come in my mouth?”
He runs a hand over his visor, slicking away the water. “You want me to…”
“Please.”
“Fuck.” In answer, he grabs the back of my neck and shoves his cock into my mouth. I suck him greedily, dragging my tongue around his swollen head, desperate for him.
“Rose, I-I’m—”
I open my throat as much as I can and squeeze his balls tight in my hand. With a roar, his cock throbs, then erupts in my mouth. I take him deeper and suck harder, eager not to miss a single drop. His hands are like vice grips in my hair, and then all at once, he relaxes. His hands lower, his knees buckle, and I swallow one more time.
“Come here,” he murmurs, and pulls me up by my elbows until we’re chest to chest, the hot water streaming over us.
He runs a hand over my lips, cleaning me. “Perfect.”
I smile, his praise addictive.
Ezryn leans his helmet against my forehead. “I choose you, Rosalina,” he whispers. “Whatever you’re willing to give me.”
The words nearly escape my lips: everything, everything, everything.
But maybe it’s the rush of the water waking me up or I’m not the same idiot girl I was yesterday, but I know I can’t say yes.
Because I’d given everything to Dayton, only for the world to remind us that it doesn’t work like that. It’s not enough to want something with your whole heart. It’s not enough for every part of you to be screaming that this is right.
I can’t break my heart again.
“Will you let me have you, Petal?” Ezryn continues when I don’t say anything. “Let me lay you on the High Prince’s bed. I will take you in a way that only a fae of Spring can.”
My heart feels like it may rip from my chest in order to get to him, but I push out of the shower, grabbing a second towel from the floor and wrapping it around myself.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, following me.
Tears cloud my vision. “I want to be with you, Ezryn. I want it more than there are words. But I can’t give myself to you in that way.”
He looks down. “I understand.”
“No, you don’t.” I intake a shaky breath. “This is going to sound crazy and greedy and selfish, but in here,” I tap my chest, “I feel like you should belong to me. And I feel that way about Dayton, too.”
“So belong to me,” he growls. “I will take you and keep you safe and—”
“And what, Ezryn?” I cry. “Leave me when your mate finally comes along? Or refuse to find your mate altogether and abandon Spring to the curse? I thought I could break Dayton’s curse. No, I knew it. But you know what happened? Nothing. Nothing, Ez. We made love and everything stayed the same.”
Ezryn shakes his head back and forth. “No, nothing stayed the same. Because Dayton is different because of you, whether you’re mates or not. He is a better man, Rosalina, and fuck the curse, fuck the Enchantress, and fuck these damned bonds that get to dictate our lives. It doesn’t matter—”
“It matters to me!” I scream. “I’m not going to just sit here and watch as your roses wither, and you and Dayton lose more and more of yourselves to the curse. When Dayton and I made love, it didn’t help him. It only hurt.”
Ezryn rushes to me, guiding my face to look up at him. “Listen to me, Rose. One day, Dayton and I may meet our mates. It doesn’t change what’s happening between us right now. I would never ask you to do anything you’re not comfortable with. But don’t think for one second you are a burden.”
I pull away from him and stumble to lean against the bedpost. Looking over my shoulder, I whisper, “I can’t do it again, Ez. Can’t keep hurting people. Everything felt so alive in my heart when Dayton and I made love. But it didn’t matter. The curse didn’t break. We’re not mates.”
A choked cry escapes his lips. “What does it matter if you’re not mates? Why can’t I love you?”
Heavy silence thunders through the room. Did he say…
Ezryn looks to the side, fists clenching. “Why can’t he love you … I meant why can’t Dayton love you.”
I close my eyes, fighting back tears. “Because my love will only hold him back.”
Only hold you back.
Ezryn staggers to the wall, and it seems like he’s barely holding himself up. “So, what now? We pretend like none of it matters?”
I wrap my arms around his waist, burying my face into his back. I inhale his scent: that sweet and earthy blend that smells like home. “You will always matter to me.”
He sighs and turns around, pulling me into a hug. I take a deep breath, fighting the sob that wants to wrack through my chest. Because I don’t know where to go from here. I know for my own sake I can’t give myself to Ezryn. But I can’t remove myself from him either.
“Do you trust me?” I ask.
“Always.”
I close my eyes. Then I reach up and put my hands on either side of his helmet. He doesn’t stop me. Slowly, I inch it off, then hold the heavy metal in one hand. And with it, I hold his trust in a single blink.
Softly, carefully, I stand on my tiptoes and brush my lips against his. His warm breath caresses me. My free hand traces his jaw, rough with stubble, as our kiss grows from soft to needy. One second more, I tell myself second after second until finally I pull away.
I place the helm back on his head and tug down, feeling to make sure it’s in place. Then I blink my eyes open. “You have a realm to rule and a curse to break, High Prince. And I’ll be at your side looking after you for as long as I can.”
23
Keldarion
The letter shakes in my gloved hands. Dayton’s messy writing is nearly obscured by the constant snowfall, but the words mean less than that incessant tugging in my chest. Castletree has been attacked. Everyone is safe. They’re going to Spring to seek answers and to give aid to Ezryn.