“You were the one who wanted to talk.”
I nodded and took a deep breath. “I miss you. So much.” He didn’t respond. “I—know what I did was awful, but—you were married before. It’s not like either of us has a clean slate.”
He started. “You’re comparing me being divorced to you sleeping with Justin? And you think that’s why I’m mad at you?”
“Isn’t it?”
“Well—yes. You could have had me—at any time—and you picked him of all people?”
“I didn’t know I could have had you. I didn’t want him. I was drunk and stupid and—” I trailed off.
He looked at me in disbelief, but took a moment to respond. “I’m more upset you didn’t tell me. I wouldn’t have cared—well, I would have cared, but I could have gotten over it if you had told me. But you decided it was a death sentence without giving me the chance to make my own decision and then told the whole world about it instead.”
“I—Megan told me I couldn’t—after Justin—”
“And that was why we couldn’t be together? If Megan told you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?”
“Probably, yes.”
“Fine,” he said, steering me toward the center of the dance floor. “Let’s ask her.”
“If I should jump off a bridge?” He fixed me with a withering look.
When we reached the newlyweds, Megan had her cheek against Tim’s, but Alex got us close enough for her to hear. He called her name and she opened her eyes. “Can I date Lily?”
“Do you want to?” she asked. Tim turned to look at us.
“I didn’t say that. I’m just asking if you care.”
“It’s your funeral,” she said with a shrug.
I gave her a dirty look. She smiled wickedly and blew me a kiss, then pressed her cheek back to Tim’s.
We made our way back to the edge of the dance floor. “See why it’s not smart to make assumptions about how other people are going to react?” he asked.
“I’m sorry. I should have told you—I should have told you so much earlier and let you decide if you still liked me.”
“When did it happen?”
“What?”
“When did you sleep with him?”
“Why? What does it matter now?”
“Do you want me to try to move past this?”
With all my heart, I thought. “Yes.”
“Then I get to know when it happened so I can decide if I can actually get past it or not. If it was the night of Amy’s party, I’m out of here.”
“You can’t think that I—from you to him?”
His face was still stony. “You tell me.”
I looked into his eyes plaintively, but he wasn’t budging. “I don’t even remember it,” I confessed finally. “It was the night of Megan and Tim’s engagement party, and I had just gotten the call from my sister that she was engaged too, and I got so drunk and I—well, the next thing I remember was waking up in the hotel room next to him.”
Alex dropped his hand from my waist and stepped back. He stared at me in disbelief. “It was before I really knew you,” I said. “But that’s why I couldn’t do that to Megan even though I wanted to—when you kissed me that night, I—I think I knew all along how I felt, but I didn’t want to admit it because I couldn’t do that after—after—”
“This isn’t happening.”
“I know you said you tried to keep him away from me that night, but I don’t remember. And I know it doesn’t speak well of me that I would get that drunk and do that with him—”
“You didn’t.”
“I—what?”
He started to respond and then it was too much for him. He doubled over, hands on his thighs, laughing too hard to speak. When he finally caught his breath, he put an arm back around my waist, pulling me in close.
“You didn’t sleep with Justin, you fool.”
“What do you mean?”
“You stole my shirt.”
“I—what? No. Justin said it was him at the housewarming.” I pulled back, not understanding.
“Really? What did he say?”
“He—he said I owed him—for skipping out without saying goodbye—”
“You skipped out without saying goodbye when you came up to me and begged me to keep him away from you.”
“But—he said I owed him for the shirt.”
“You spilled a glass of red wine all over him.”
“I—what?”
“Lily, he was all over you. You were clearly drunk and I asked if you were okay. You said you were too drunk to drive home and he wouldn’t leave you alone. You really don’t remember any of this?”
Now that he was saying it, I could picture the arm that I was leaning on at the hotel’s check-in desk as being attached to Alex. “You got us a room,” I said quietly.
“I offered to drive you home, but you said you couldn’t leave your car. And you were wasted and not making a whole lot of sense.”
I held a hand to my face. “Does that mean I—that we—?”
“Is that what you think of me? No!”
“But I woke up and my clothes were on the floor.”
“You took them off. I looked away. Mostly. You said you couldn’t breathe in your dress and your bra was uncomfortable.”
I tried to remember. “But you were naked too—”
“I slept in my boxers.”
“And we didn’t—?” He shook his head. I couldn’t make eye contact. I was mortified.
“How did you think I was Justin?”
“I couldn’t see his—your—face—and I told Megan I didn’t want to know who it was. And then Justin said that, and I thought—oh my God, I’m so stupid.” I thought back to Megan’s housewarming party, where Alex was so sweet on the porch. To the notes at Starbucks. The way he dropped everything to come help me at Amy’s bachelorette and then the fact that I published something so wrong when there had never been anything standing between us at all. Nothing except my own idiocy.
“But—you read the blog. I said it happened at the engagement party in the blog.”
He shook his head. “I read the Buzzfeed article and most recent blog post. Then I was too mad to go back and read the rest. And then by the time I was ready to, you had deleted it.”
I stared at him. “I don’t know what to say. Alex, I’m so—” He cut off my apology with a kiss.
“Megan-sanctioned this time,” he said, a teasing glint in his eye.
“Who?” I asked, a tear slipping past my lash extensions, despite the smile on my face. His hand cupped my cheek, and he brushed the tear away with his thumb. He leaned forward to kiss me again, and I wanted nothing more in the world than to hold him and never let him go. I kissed him lightly, then whispered, “But we shouldn’t do this.”
“You’d better be kidding.” His arm was tight around my waist.
“Here,” I laughed. “We shouldn’t do this here. At the wedding.”
He smiled and kissed my cheek gently, and I felt a wave of desire wash over me. “I missed you too,” he said. I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck and we stayed like that for a long time, swaying slightly with the music, but mostly just hugging each other as close as we could.
As the night began to wind down, I excused myself to go to the bathroom. Megan was in there, touching up her lipstick in the mirror. “I see everyone got a happy ending today,” she said to my reflection.
I sat on the ottoman next to her. “How could you not tell me?”
She shrugged. “I was sworn to secrecy, as you may recall. I figured if you two didn’t work it out tonight, I’d tell you then.”
“But these past few weeks I—”
She turned to face me. “I told you I wasn’t going to get over the blog overnight. And you got off pretty easily if you ask me, so I was okay with you suffering a little. I feel better now.”
“If I didn’t love you . . .” I shook my head.
“But you do,” she said sweetly. “You gave a whole speech about that tonight. And I love you too.”
“So I actually have your approval?”
She hugged me. “Be happy. You deserve it.” She let me go and turned to head back to the reception, then stopped in the doorway. “Should I throw the bouquet right to you, or would that just be awkward?”
I laughed. “Aren’t I the only single girl here?”
“My cousin Maggie is too.”
“Isn’t your cousin Maggie twelve?”