“Baby, don’t go,” he said, grabbing my arm.
I turned around and got right in his face. “Fine, you want to learn something from an older woman? First lesson: don’t call a woman old. Second lesson: don’t assume you’re sleeping with anyone. And third lesson: don’t ever touch me.” His eyes widened and he dropped my arm. I stormed off, leaving my drink on the bar, and only realized as I got to the doorway how much more effective it would have been if I had thrown it in his face. You don’t get enough opportunities to do that in real life, so you should always take them when they come.
I went outside to where the smokers had been banished and sincerely debated just going home. Yes, it would be rude because Amy was my sister, but honestly, she didn’t actually care if I was there. As the semi-responsible adult, however, I needed to make sure she made it home okay. And to survive until the end of the night, I needed a buddy.
So I called Alex.
He answered on the third ring. “What’s wrong?”
“Are you home?”
“Yeah, why?”
“Do you mind coming out to Adams Morgan? I need reinforcements.”
Alex laughed. “Sure. Let me just change and get an Uber. Be there in like half an hour?”
“I owe you. Big time.”
He laughed again. “You can pay me in jumbo slice and leftover cake.”
“Deal.”
I had a beer waiting for him when he got there and greeted him with it as soon as he walked in. He looked me over, but refrained from commenting on my newly blonde hair, probably because I had been complaining about it nonstop in texts. “Nice belt.”
I looked down. I had forgotten I still had the condom belt on. I yanked it off and dropped it in the trash.
“Now that’s just a waste. You could hand them out to all of the people who are about to make terrible decisions tonight.”
“The maid of honor made them by hooking the packages together with safety pins.”
Alex shook his head. “Not the sharpest knife in the drawer, I’m guessing.”
“She’s not even a knife. She might be a spoon.”
“I’m sure she’s a very sharp spoon.” He looked around. “I haven’t been here since before I was married.”
“You weren’t allowed out when you were married?”
“If I was a good boy, I could go to the movies.” He rolled his eyes at me. “You don’t still come to places like this, do you?”
“God no.”
A bar-top table opened up and we looked at each other, then made our way over. The two seats were pulled next to each other, providing a clear view of the rest of the bar. “We’re officially the oldest people here,” Alex said.
“Except that guy, who I think owns it.”
“Nah, he’s a narc.”
I laughed. “Oh God, we’re old.”
He gestured with his beer. “So I’m guessing your sister is the one in the veil.”
“Yup. That’s Amy.”
“And the guy eating candy off her neck? Not your future brother-in-law?”
“Nope. Total stranger. Super classy.”
“Definitely runs in the family.”
I leaned my head on his shoulder. “I missed you.” Between the shower, the bachelorette party, Caryn’s salon mess, and trying to keep my head above water at work, I hadn’t seen him in person since the night I got back from Mexico.
He leaned his head on mine. “I’m here now,” he said quietly. “This seems pretty under control.”
“Who’s this?” Amy was suddenly at our table, a drink in one hand, the other on her hip. “Lily, do you have a secret boyfriend?”
I picked my head up, annoyed, the moment gone. “No. This is Alex.”
“Amy,” she said, sticking out her hand. “I’ve heard absolutely nothing about you.”
Alex laughed. “I’m crushed. I’ve heard all about you.”
“Don’t believe a word Lily tells you. I’m delightful.”
“Funny, she told me you’re delightful. I guess that’s wrong.”
“She did not.”
“Did.”
Amy turned to me. “I like him. Where have you been hiding him? He’s cute too.”
“We’re just friends, Amy.”
“So, friend, what do you do?”
“I’m a lawyer.”
Amy raised her eyebrows at me. “Single?”
“Divorced.”
“Kids?”
“No.”
“And you’re not dating my sister because—?”
“I’m gay.”
“Oh my God, I’m so sorry—I didn’t mean—”
“He’s not gay. We’re just friends.”
Amy made a face at me. “I need another drink,” she said, downing the rest of hers and handing me the empty glass. “Will you get me one?”
I glared at her, but got up to comply. Amy slid comfortably into my seat. “So, Alex,” she began. I made my way to the bar.
The crowd had begun to pick up. I had forgotten that the under-thirties didn’t even leave their houses until eleven and anything before midnight was early. It took much longer to get the bartender’s attention, so I ordered another drink for myself and another beer for Alex as well while I was there.
By the time I made it back to the table, Alex was smiling at my sister. “You’re welcome,” she said when I handed her the drink.
“Thank you is the traditional response.”
“I’ll let Alex tell you,” she said sweetly, giving me a wet kiss on the cheek. “Back to my party! It was nice to meet you!”
“Tell me what?”
He laughed. “Your sister invited me to her wedding. As your date.”
I blinked rapidly. “She did what now?” He shrugged. “My mother is going to have a field day with this one.”
“I told her my answer depended entirely on you.”
“Do you want to go?”
“Do you want me to?”
“I asked you first.”
He shrugged again. “Could be good practice for Tim and Megan’s. And it will keep your older relatives from asking why you’re still single.”
He had a point. “Okay,” I said, feeling a twinge of something other than dread about my sister’s wedding for the first time since it was announced.
“It’s a date,” he said, clinking his glass against mine.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
When the evening devolved, it devolved quickly.
Ashlee came to find me, her hair disheveled and her face green. “Kayla, Taylor, and Fiona are all throwing up,” she said.
I shook my ponytail holder–covered wrist at Alex. “Duty calls.”
“Gross. I’ll sit this one out.”
“Keep your phone handy. I might need help getting Ubers.”
“Will do.”
I followed Ashlee and handed her a ponytail holder just in time for her to vomit into the sink. I did not miss this phase of young adulthood.
Madison seemed to be running the show in the bathroom, switching from stall to stall, holding girls’ hair. “Here,” I said, handing her three ponytail holders.
She looked at me gratefully, a slight sheen of sweat shining on her forehead, and then began tying up a girl’s hair for her.
Taylor flushed the toilet and exited the stall. “I feel better,” she announced. “I’m going to get another drink.”
“Nope,” I told her cheerfully, steering her toward the wall, away from the door. “You’re done.”
Ashlee seemed much more composed after she threw up, and I suspected her nausea was more from the smell of vomit in the bathroom than from too much alcohol.
I realized Amy was nowhere to be found. “Has anyone seen my sister?” Ashlee and Madison exchanged a look. “What?”
“She was talking to some guy,” Madison said, and Ashlee shot her a murderous look.
My shoulders dropped. Not now, Amy, I thought despairingly. I knew my little sister had inherited some of my self-sabotaging ways, but she was within three weeks of the altar.
“Where?” I asked.
“The booths by the dance floor,” Madison said.
“Round everyone up,” I told her. “We’re heading back to the hotel. I’ll get Amy.”
I made a beeline for the booths. But when I got there, I found Alex sitting next to Amy, the guy who had been eating candy off Amy’s necklace across from them.
“What are you doing, Alex?” Amy slurred.
“Being a cockblock,” he responded matter-of-factly. “You’ll thank me tomorrow.”
She punched him lightly on the arm. “You’re so silly. I’m not doing anything wrong. Am I, Luke?”
Luke looked none too pleased with Alex or his declared intentions.