My eyes scan his face for any little change since I saw him last. “I’m hoping you still want to talk,” I say.
Ryan pulls a rag from his back pocket then uses it to clean his hands. After a long moment, he finally looks up at me and nods toward the house. Without waiting to see if I’ll follow, he starts making his way around the side of the house to the backyard.
My eyes snag on the three long rows of plants that are bursting with vegetables in the back corner of the yard.
Ryan arranges the two Adirondack chairs so they are facing each other rather than sitting side by side, motioning for me to take one. I choose the one that puts my back to the yard. I can’t look at that garden right now.
He grabs two beers from a nearby cooler, passing one of them to me. “I thought it would be better to talk without the prying eyes of the neighborhood watch. Although I should thank you, the little old ladies on this street have given me a wide berth after the spectacle in the driveway, and they’ve grown weary of throwing their granddaughters at me.”
“I’m available any time you need your good name tarnished,” I say, then take a sip of my beer.
“It was never as shiny as you once thought it was. We can stop pretending whenever you’re ready.”
I take a deep breath and blow it out slowly, hoping to calm my nerves. “I’m not sure I know where to start. I’ve . . . been pretending a long time.”
Ryan’s head tilts to the side as he studies me. While Devon, Amy, and I can speculate until we’re blue in the face, we don’t know Ryan’s side of this or what he knew about me or Mr. Smith. The only thing we do know is Ryan did business with Mr. Smith in some capacity, but he has been the sole owner of the operation in East Texas since his grandfather died.
I also know there’s something unfinished between us, and I had a strong desire to see him again that time has not lessened.
“I should make you go first since you’ve taken your sweet time to come talk to me.” He puts his beer on the little side table, then leans back in his chair, his head resting in the cradle of his joined hands. “You were something I wasn’t prepared for. Did I know you were trying to get information on the business in Glenview when I fixed your flat tire? No. Even before I met you, I could tell something was wrong there. Things had been moved around at work and at home. Shit missing. It got worse after I met you, but I didn’t link it to you. Not at all.” He gives me a lopsided grin and a shrug that tells me he knows he should be embarrassed, but he’s not. “An associate I’ve done business with off and on over the years told me he was hearing rumors that someone had infiltrated my operation and was selling info on my shipments to the highest bidder.”
“An associate?” I ask.
He shakes his head. “No more from me until I get a little from you.” He takes a deep drink from his bottle then puts it back down on the table.
“You were a job. I was . . . having trouble with my boss and he wasn’t happy with me. When I got assigned to you, I wasn’t sure if this was a real job. Not in the usual way. My boss . . . he liked to play games. Test me to make sure I was still loyal. Needless to say, I wasn’t sure if you were playing me too.”
Ryan’s eyes narrow as he tries to understand what I’m saying, since I’m not being as clear as I should be. “That sounds . . . fucked up. Your boss seems like an incredible asshole.”
My laugh surprises us both. “You have no idea.” It’s so much harder than I thought it would be to just be honest. “If the associate that warned you someone was selling the details on your shipments was the same guy you were talking to in the motel corridor in Tennessee, then you met my boss.”
He leans forward, the laid-back attitude long gone. “I didn’t know you heard us talking. Is that why you freaked out and left? And yeah, that was him. But he was your boss?” His eyes glaze over as he tries to sort through his confusion. “He told me you were the one stealing files from me.”
“Yeah, that sounds about right. Pitting two people against each other is his favorite pastime.” Or should I say was his favorite pastime. “He thought it provided the best results. One side working against the other, no one trusting anyone. And he conveniently watches from the sidelines.”
We’re studying each other. Comparing what we once believed against what we’re learning about each other right now.
“When did he tell you it was me? And why would you stay with me when you found out I was betraying you?” I ask. Ryan keeping me around made sense when I thought he was Mr. Smith.
“He texted me just before we left the police station. Asked me to meet him. Said he had some information for me. That’s where I went when I dropped you here and told you I needed to go by my office.” He laughs, but it’s hollow. He looks off toward the backyard. “It’s easy to see how he played me, looking back. Told me someone approached him, offering a partnership since they knew he’d used my services in the past, and thought he’d like to cut out the middleman. But he made me believe he was on my side. Was making sure they didn’t succeed. He told me you were using me to get close enough to get my financials, my client records, shipments records. Handed me ‘proof.’ Said you were meeting with your contact in Atlanta to give them the rest of the stuff you had on me, and they promised to help get you out of this trouble with the police. I agreed to stick close to you. I wanted to know who was behind this. Who sent you to do their dirty work. I was so fucking pissed off. I sat in my car in the driveway and read through everything he gave me.”
Ryan finally turns to look back at me, leaning forward in his chair with his elbows resting on his knees. “But then I was more confused than ever,” he says, his voice strong but quiet. “Everything he gave me as proof of what you had taken from me was altered. The dates of big shipments were a week later than what I planned. The cargo smaller. The buyers’ names changed. It didn’t make sense. And it was enough for me to doubt what he was trying to make me believe. And then I went inside. I went looking for you. And I found you in the shower and you were so . . . broken. Crying so hard I thought you’d break in a million pieces. It was the exact same way I felt. I knew there was a big piece I was missing.” He gives me a sad smile. “I was going to ride it out and see where we landed.”
His stare is so intense I have to look away. Coughing to clear the lump in my throat, I finally say, “He wasn’t the only one playing a game. I needed him mad at me. Madder than he already was. I needed to lose his trust completely. But I also didn’t want you to lose your business to him. I didn’t want it to become another cog in the wheel of his organization. So I changed the details.”
Ryan reaches forward, his hands sliding around the legs of my chair, and pulls me a little closer. “Tell me the rest of it.”
Taking a deep breath, I tell him about Devon and Amy, without giving away their names. I tell him about Eden, North Carolina, and living in that trailer with Mama until she died. I tell him about Mr. Smith and George and how I didn’t know they were the same person until it was almost too late. I told him about the woman who claimed to be me and how her life and James’s were cut short just so Mr. Smith could make a statement.
At some point while I was unburdening myself, Ryan had pulled me into his lap. My head leaning against his chest, his hand brushing through my hair as he listened to all my secrets.
“I’m sorry James got wrapped up in this. If I had known what was in store for them, I would have found a way to pull them both out.”
“I know you would have.”
We sit in silence long enough that the sun starts to set.
* * *
I should be ashamed of how easy it was to fall back into the daily routine with Ryan. The only difference this time is we’re both honest about how shady we are.