Faking Christmas

Warm puffs of air hit my ear as his lips moved dangerously close to me. “Because now you owe me. Big time.”

Before I could protest or demand we cancel whatever this was, Miles claimed he had to help clean up the building and strode off without another word. My eyes narrowed, not sure if I believed him but not wanting to drag this out, so I let him go, hoping that, by tomorrow morning, we’d be on the same page with the whole breakup plan.





NINE





“If she do bid me pack, I’ll give her thanks as though she bid me stay by her a week.”

William Shakespeare - The Taming of the Shrew





Though I wasn’t far behind them, Chloe had gone straight to bed by the time I arrived at the cabin. I didn’t like to see her so sick, but I couldn’t help but feel relieved that I wouldn’t get the Spanish Inquisition from her tonight. The twins were eating at the table when I entered, apparently famished after having refused to touch their dinner at the lodge. I set up my pull-out bed and then helped Ben change the girls into their pajamas. We laid out blankets on the floor next to the fireplace along with their sleeping bags. Once the giggles and mischief died down, they drifted off to sleep. Ben said goodnight and snuck into the bedroom. I sighed as his door closed and I finally had the quiet I had been craving since my arrival.

Fluffing the pillows we’d found stuffed in the closet, I tried to get comfortable. Technology had definitely not advanced in the pull-out bed department. A long bar stretched out across the bed frame, protruding through the thin mattress pad. I contemplated changing the bed back to a couch but realized I didn’t have the energy. There were more important matters to address. I reached for my phone.



ME: Just letting you know…I will no longer be bringing you double Oreo milkshakes on the second day of your period. And when you have to pee so badly during your fourth hour, when I have my break, I will no longer be coming to relieve you. Ever.



MILLIE: What on earth did I do to deserve that?



ME: You backstabbing traitor. You sent me to Miles’s lodge on purpose!



MILLIE: Oh, dear me. Was that Miles’s lodge?



ME: MILLIE.



ME: *GIF of Darla from Little Rascals crunching a pop can*



ME: You told me you’d heard about this lodge from a FRIEND!



MILLIE: He is my friend. But I have so many friends sometimes it’s hard to remember who tells me what…



ME: You knew exactly what you were doing.



MILLIE: Well, as long as you’re there, try and make the best of it. I’m sure there are some janitor closets somewhere. You know what to do.



ME: Chloroform him?



MILLIE: Try less felony…more kissing.



ME: We will have words when I get back.



MILLIE: I take chocolate, milkshakes, and wedding invitations in lieu of apologies. Heading to bed! Keep me posted.





I put my phone down and pulled my Kindle out of my duffel bag. I had almost told her about the whole pretend-to-be-my-boyfriend debacle but didn’t want to get into it. It was over, and I’d never have cause to mention it again. Once I spoke to Miles tomorrow, I would apologize and swear him to secrecy. I flopped around on the bed for a few moments, trying to find a spot where the bar didn’t jab into me, when my phone lit up again. Expecting Millie, I was half tempted to wait a whole five minutes before responding, to really drive home how upset I was, when I noticed it wasn’t from her.



UNKNOWN NUMBER: This is Miles. I am hypothetically throwing rocks at your window.



ME: Why are you doing that?



ME: And how did you get this number?



UNKNOWN NUMBER: I have the numbers of all my fake girlfriends. Come outside.



ME: Is this how you kill your victims?



UNKNOWN NUMBER: I’m about to kill you with kindness. Like Taming of the Shrew.



ME: Wow. Shakespeare? I underestimated you.



UNKNOWN NUMBER: COME OUTSIDE.





Heart pounding for some unknown reason, I stood up from the uncomfortable bed and pulled on my white parka and gloves. I glanced at the door that led into Chloe’s room and suddenly felt like a naughty teenager sneaking out in the middle of the night. The girls were sleeping peacefully on the floor, and I glanced regretfully back at my Kindle. But I guess now was as good a time as ever to break up with my fake boyfriend. I stuffed my feet into my boots by the door and crept silently outside.

Miles stood on the sidewalk just below the front stairs, wearing a dark-blue coat and his beanie slung low across his forehead. Bits of his flannel shirt poked through the collar. I swallowed.

“I have a proposition for you,” he said. His arms were folded, and he was staring at me with a calculating expression on his face.

The wind bit at my face, but I moved to stand just in front of him. “What’s that?”

“It’s recently come to my attention that you might be crazy about me.”

My fingers clenched. “Not true.”

“I was the first person you thought of when naming fake boyfriends.”

“I just said a name, and it happened to be the same name as yours.”

He went on as though I hadn’t spoken. “You’re also not above objectifying my body—my fine pair of hams, to be exact.”

“That was sarcastic!” I stamped my foot in the snow, but he only laughed.

“But tonight’s got me thinking. This arrangement could be useful to me, too.”

“We don’t have an arrangement. I’m confessing all my sins tomorrow morning.”

“No need. You owe me now, and I wanna do it.”

Slow down, heart. He didn’t mean it like it sounded. “Do what?”

“Pretend to date you this week.”

I looked at him like he was crazy. “What? Why?”

“Have you told your mom or sister anything yet?”

“No. Chloe was already in bed by the time I got home.” I rubbed briskly at my arms to ward off the chill.

Miles noticed. “Do you want to move to the porch? It might be warmer.”

I shook my head. “No. The windows are right there. Somebody could hear us.”

Miles brought his glove-covered hands to his face and blew warm air into them. “I’ve got three dates my mom is insisting I go on this week. You’re the perfect excuse.”

I made a noise of disbelief. “Why don’t you want to go on those dates?”

“One of the girls I knew in high school. She once made out with another guy while on a date with me.”

I mimicked Miles, blowing warm air onto my hands. “And your mom wants you to go out with her?”

“She doesn’t know that part. She thinks it’s two old flames reconnecting.”

“And it’s not?”

“Nope.”

“Maybe we should introduce her to Glenn.”

He smiled, his eyes crinkling. “Not a bad idea.”

“And the other two?” I asked, clearing my throat.

“The other one’s a big lawyer here in town. She’s pretty, but kind of scary. She would eat a sweet, creative soul like me for breakfast.”

I scoffed. “A what?”

A grin burst across his face, his white teeth gleaming under the glow of the porch light. “You heard me. Very sweet.”

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