Dirty Thirty (Stephanie Plum, #30)

“It was anticlimactic to the pi?ata,” Johnston said, “but it just seemed like the right thing to do.”

“Like going downtown to get you rescheduled,” I said.

“Whatever,” Johnston said. “As long as I can do my shift at the bar. If I don’t mention your name, I can spread this info, right?”

“Absolutely,” I said. “Tell everyone.”

Connie met us at the municipal building and wrote a new bail bond for Johnston. Lula went back to the office with Connie and Bob, and I went to Rangeman.

I changed into my viewing uniform and called Ranger.

“I need a ring,” I said. “Or maybe a pendant. I was hoping I could borrow something from the Plover collection.”

“Is this a special occasion?”

“Yes. The Mitchell Zelinsky viewing is tonight, and I want to spread some rumors.”

“I have the Plover pieces in my safe. Come to my office and you can choose whatever you want.”

Ranger had the trays stacked on his desk when I walked in.

“I need something that looks like I could afford it,” I said.

“If they were real, you couldn’t afford any of these pieces,” Ranger said. “It would be more believable if you said you took it as a bribe.” He selected a necklace that had a small pendant of an open hand on a silver chain. “This is a hamsa necklace. The hamsa is a protective symbol.” He stepped close and his hands were warm on my neck as he placed the necklace. “If anyone ever needed a protective charm, it’s you.”



* * *




Grandma was waiting on the sidewalk when I got to my parents’ house.

“I got a black scarf for Bob,” she said. “We can tie it around his neck, so he looks like a real bereavement dog.”

“We’ll wait until we get to the funeral home,” I said. “If we put it on him too soon, he might eat it.”

I found the last parking spot in the funeral home lot, and Grandma, Bereavement Bob, and I slipped in through the building’s side door. At the same time, the big double doors in the front were opened and the mourners stampeded in.

“I’m going to get a seat up front,” Grandma said. “I’ll meet you at the cookie table when the viewing is ending.”

Bob and I slowly made our way around the perimeter of the packed reception room. Viewings in the Burg are not only socially mandatory for many Burg ladies but also are at the top of the list for free entertainment. Husbands attending are usually under the influence and congregate in clumps to discuss game scores and Viagra results.

Bob was an immediate hit.

“A bereavement dog!” Sue Mary Malinowski said. “What a wonderful idea. Can you rent one?”

“I don’t know much about it,” I said. “This one is just in training and I’m babysitting him for a friend.” I put my hand to my necklace. “I wonder if I could have your opinion. I was given this necklace, and I really like it, but it came from Plover’s, and I’m sure you’ve heard the rumors. Do you think this looks fake? It has some small gemstones in it.”

Sue Mary took a close look at my necklace. “I don’t know,” she said. “It’s very pretty. Have you had it appraised?”

“No,” I said. “Do you think I should?”

“Considering the rumors about Plover, it might be a good idea.”

I moved through the room.

“My goodness, what a handsome dog,” Mrs. Critch said. “He looks all dressed up in his pretty black scarf.” She leaned in and squinted at my necklace. “I heard about your Plover’s necklace. Such a shame. He used to have an impeccable reputation, but now there are all these rumors about him.”

“Do you think it looks fake?” I asked her.

“The little red gemstones don’t really have the depth of sparkle one would expect from Plover,” she said.

Viewings are from seven o’clock to nine o’clock, and by eight thirty I thought I’d done significant damage to Plover’s reputation. Grandma was already at the cookie table, and the crowd had dwindled. I started to cross the room and Martin Plover stepped in front of me and shoved me into an empty slumber room. His face was flushed, and his eyes were narrowed and fierce.

“You bitch,” he said. “I hired you and you betrayed me.”

He reached for my necklace, and I stepped away.

“Give it to me,” he said. “It’s mine.”

I put my hand over the necklace. “No way. I’ve had this for years.”

Bob was standing pressed against my leg. He growled very softly at Plover, and Plover kept his distance.

“You’re all in this together, aren’t you,” Plover said. “Manley, the moron who robbed me, the two homeless stooges, and you. You were in it from the beginning.”

“Not true,” I said.

“Be afraid,” he said. “Be very afraid. If you don’t want to be the center of attention at the next viewing here, you’ll give me the jewelry and walk away. Trust me, you don’t want the kind of misery I’m willing to inflict. I have too much to lose.”

“Why?” I asked. “You have a wonderful jewelry store.”

“The wonderful jewelry store can’t pay my bills. The profit margin is zip. No one wants quality anymore. Diamonds are made in factories. You can buy them on Amazon.”

“You cheated a lot of people.”

“No one knew they were cheated until you decided to play caped crusader. Everybody was happy because they had a Plover diamond. Now they’ll all be running out, getting appraisals. What do you want? More money from me? That’s the message I got from Manley. Forget it. The well is dry. You aren’t the only one squeezing me. You’re the least of my worries. I can eliminate you and your pals with very little effort. A bullet to the brain. A car bomb. Problem solved.”

“But you don’t want to do that until you get the jewelry.”

“I don’t need the jewelry if you and your partners are ashes. Don’t underestimate me. I’m not a nice man. And just for the record, my father and my grandfather weren’t all that nice either. They cheated at the store, they cheated at cards, cheated on their taxes, and cheated on their wives. They were nasty drunks in expensive suits.”

“I don’t suppose you want to turn yourself in to the police and confess everything,” I said to him.

“I want the jewelry.”

“Make me an offer.”

“You give me the jewelry, or I kill you. That’s my offer.”

“I don’t see that as being a very good deal.”

“You have until midnight,” Plover said. “You know my number.” He turned on his heel and walked away.

“Holy crap!” I whispered to Bob. “He’s freaking crazy. He looks so respectable and sane in his dark suit and white shirt and striped tie. Everything about him screams good taste and pillar of the community. And he’s a homicidal lunatic.”

I stepped out of the empty room and went back into the reception area. Plover was nowhere to be seen. I sucked in a couple deep breaths. My heart was pounding in my chest and my head felt like it might explode.

“Do I look okay?” I asked Bob.

Bob didn’t seem alarmed. That was good. I was pretty sure I’d pulled it off. I hadn’t backed down with Plover.