“I need to go back to Trenton, and I don’t have a car,” Nutsy said. “The van has to stay here, so Duncan can get to the doctor. I’d like to ride back to Trenton with you if you have room for me, except you have to promise not to tell Plover I’m in Trenton.”
I wanted more of an explanation from Nutsy, but this wasn’t the time. I’d have to get him alone when Lula wasn’t going to distract him with clown questions.
“Whatever,” I said. “We’ll check out of the hotel and come back to pick you up.”
I looked to the front door. Beyond the door, Bob was waiting in Ranger’s car. If the back seat was intact and there were no more tooth marks on the gearshift, Bob was going to get a double bacon hold-the-cheese burger for lunch.
* * *
We reached Jersey a little after ten o’clock that night. There’d been some long meal stops and a couple shorter snack stops and an accident on I-95. I was numb from the ass down, and I couldn’t blink my eyes.
“Are we almost home?” Lula asked.
“Yes,” I said. “We just left New York.”
“That wasn’t an entirely satisfying trip to Maine,” Lula said. “I didn’t get to shop for charming country crafts, and I didn’t get to eat a lobster roll.”
Bob had a better opinion of the trip because he’d gotten his double bacon burger.
An hour later, I turned onto Lula’s street and my heart skipped a beat when I saw fire trucks in front of her apartment house. There were no flames shooting into the sky, but the air smelled smoky and the street was wet. I got closer and saw that the trucks were packing up to leave. A cop was roping the house off with yellow crime scene tape. The second-floor windows to Lula’s apartment were blackened. A small clump of people stood on the sidewalk.
“That’s my house!” Lula said. “Let me out. I gotta go see my apartment. All my clothes are in there. My Marilyn Monroe wig collection is in there.”
“It looks like they’re sealing the house off,” I said.
“Marilee is one of the people standing on the sidewalk. She has the apartment under me. She’ll know what’s going on.”
I angle-parked next to a fire truck, and we all got out.
Lula rushed over to Marilee. “What happened? I just got here. I was out of town,” Lula said.
“Nobody’s sure, but it looks like the fire started in your apartment,” Marilee said. “Word is your apartment is toast, but the rest of the house mostly only got smoke and water damage.”
“How could it start in my apartment?” Lula said. “I wasn’t even home.”
“Somebody was up there,” Marilee said. “It sounded like the guy who comes to see you every night and stomps on the stairs. I heard him go up and then he was moving around up there. And then the fire started.”
“It was Grendel,” Lula said. “He’s burning and pillaging. It’s one of his specialties. Did he get burned along with everything else?”
“No one got burned,” Marilee said. “Your apartment was empty. Everyone got out of the house.”
“That’s a good thing,” Lula said. “I’m surprised crazy Becky in the attic was able to get out.”
“They took her down in one of those bucket things attached to the fire truck,” Marilee said. “She was screaming her head off. I’m thinking they drove her to the psych ward at the medical center.”
“I’m sorry I missed it,” Lula said. “She always puts up a good show. What about my car?”
“Your car is okay. The lot behind the house wasn’t affected.”
“Have you been back in your apartment?”
“No,” Marilee said. “We can’t go back in yet. I’m waiting for my daughter to come get me. I can stay with her tonight. They said the fire marshal will come in the morning, and then we can get back in.”
“This is terrible,” Lula said. “I can’t believe this. I’ve been curating clothes all my life. I had ruby slippers that were the exact replica of Dorothy’s in The Wizard of Oz. I had two racks of ho clothes from when I was doing erectile engineering. You can’t replace stuff like that. All that stuff’s got memories. And where am I going to stay? I haven’t got a daughter with a house.”
“You can stay with me tonight,” I said. “We’ll figure this out tomorrow when we get to see what’s left of your apartment.”
We all got back into the car, and I drove around the last fire truck and stopped at the cross street. “Where should I take you?” I said to Nutsy. “Are you staying with your parents?”
“I can’t,” Nutsy said. “They already had their car blown up because of me. I can’t go home. And I’m sure Duncan’s house is being watched. And probably Sissy’s. Drop me off at the bridge. There’s a homeless encampment there.”
“Omigod,” I said. “I’m not going to drop you off at the bridge. You can stay with me too.”
While I was saying this, I calculated how much alcohol I had in my apartment. There was no way I was going to get through this sober.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Bob and I slept in my bed. Lula took the couch. Nutsy slept on the floor. At one o’clock Lula came into my bedroom.
“Are you awake?” she asked me.
“I am now,” I said.
“I can’t sleep out there with him,” she said. “He snores and he talks in his sleep. If you and Bob move over, I can fit in here. I won’t take up much room. I’ll stay way over here on my side of the bed.”
Ten minutes later, Bob and I were wide awake, and Lula was snoring like a buzz saw. Bob got up and went into the bathroom to sleep. I was left with Lula.
I dragged myself out of bed at six in the morning, staggered into the bathroom, and stood in the shower until the water ran cold. If it was necessary to sleep with Lula one more night, I would have to kill her. I got dressed, and Bob and I made our way past Nutsy to the kitchen. His socks, shoes, and assorted clothes were spread around the room. Plus, he’d helped himself to a late-night snack. Crumbs, wrappers, empty beer bottles, and cereal boxes were mixed in with the clothes on the floor. And he was snoring. I’d have to kill him too.
I poured some dog kibble into Bob’s bowl and stared into the fridge. I was tempted to go for the margarita mix and vodka, but I pulled myself back from the edge of the cliff and went with coffee and a frozen waffle. I toasted the waffle and added a slice of American cheese, which instantly turned to molten yellow sludge.
I took Bob for a walk, and when I came back everyone was still snoring. Good thing I didn’t have any bullets for my gun. I taped a note to the fridge door, telling Lula and Nutsy that Bob and I were going to my parents’ house and that they should call me when they woke up if they needed a ride somewhere.
My mom and Grandma were at the front door when I pulled up in the Explorer. They were holding white bakery bags and boxes. I knew the Sunday routine. Early Mass and then a stop at the bakery.