I step out of Death’s arms, taking in the palatial home. Bright, blooming bougainvillea creeps up the side of the house. A weathervane sits on top of the roof and a stone fountain is set into one of the walls of the home. These sorts of homes will never cease to shock me—that anyone can live such a grand lifestyle in a time when most people are eking out an existence. As I stare, I can hear the ocean calling out, the waves roaring as they crash upon the sand.
I turn around to face Thanatos.
“Why did we land here?” I ask.
“You need proper rest,” he says, frowning a little as his eyes flick over me.
I don’t know what he sees. I don’t feel worn down by travel. But maybe he’s reacting less to my physical state and more to my emotional one. I’ve been carrying a heavy sort of sadness around since I saw my mom.
“I’m fine,” I insist.
Thanatos steps in close, the dying sunlight playing upon his features. “Let me be human with you for a few days—or have you already given up on the prospect of convincing me you are all worth saving?”
My breath catches, and I search the horseman’s gaze.
I had given up on convincing Death. Maybe it was the criminals we encountered, or maybe it was seeing my mother. Maybe it was simply that for all my bending, Death wasn’t changing.
“Don’t look at me like that,” he says, his voice pitched low.
“Like what?”
“Like you are grieving. Like I am the reason for it.”
Absently, I touch the side of my face, unaware that I was looking at him like that.
I drop my hand. I don’t know what Thanatos wants me to do. I have been grieving, and he is the reason behind it. We both know it. I may care for him, I may even, even … love him, but it doesn’t matter. You can love something and know it’s bad for you.
“You fought me for months,” Death says stepping in close. He brings his knuckles up to my cheeks.
“I’m tired of fighting,” I say.
“I’m not asking you to fight, I’m just asking for you to not give up on me.”
“Wouldn’t that be easier?” I say. This might be the most exposed either of us has been with one another. “You wouldn’t have to deal with me agonizing over every lost town, and I wouldn’t make you second guess yourself.”
“If it makes you lose that light in your eyes, then no, it would not be worth it. It would never be worth it.”
Thanatos seems torn in two, his human wants getting in the way of his base nature. And right now, it seems as though his human wants are winning out.
Despite everything, I feel the barest breath of hope.
Maybe not all is lost.
I nod a little. “Alright,” I say softly. “Let’s stay here—just for a little while.”
Death smiles, and the whole world could be crashing down around us and I wouldn’t notice because that smile bewitches me.
“Just for a little while,” he agrees, then seals the promise with a kiss.
Chapter 64
Los Angeles, California
October, Year 27 of the Horsemen
The inside of the home is even grander than the outside, everything done in whites and creams and pale neutrals that I could never, ever keep nice and clean.
The back of the house is hardly more than a wall of windows, and through them, I can see where the true magnificence of this house lies. The backyard is massive, the back patio bracketed in by a low stone railing. A pathway descends down the sloping lawn, eventually giving way to golden sand. Beyond that lies the Pacific.
On impulse, I grab Death’s hand and head for the back doors. He lets me drag him outside. I don’t linger on that spacious patio, though a part of me wants to. I can all but see the lavish dinner parties that might have once been held here, under the twinkling stars, the smell of the ocean thick in the air. If I close my eyes, I can imagine that world, full of shimmering dresses and bubbly drinks and soft music playing in the background.
It’ll never happen again, at least not here and not anytime soon.
I lead Thanatos off the patio and down the sloping path to the beach. The daylight is already giving way to night, the sky a pale purple. The way the sun glances off the water makes it look metallic.
“Where are you taking me?” Death finally asks, a smile in his voice.
I know without looking that he is immensely pleased at being the one dragged along. I guess he’s gotten tired of being in the opposite role.
“To the ocean,” I say. I assumed it was obvious.
“Lazarus, we just saw the ocean. I do not need to see it again.”
I glance over my shoulder at him. “But have you swam in it?”
He hesitates, and I already know his answer.
“Neither have I,” I admit. “But I want to, and … I want you to join me.”
Thanatos gives me a penetrating look, one that makes my heart speed up.
The path ends and my feet sink into the sand. I release the horseman’s hand so that I can kick off my boots.
Death looms over me. “What are you doing, Laz?”
“Getting ready to get in.” I eye his armor. “You’ll want to take that off. Otherwise, you’ll sink like a stone.” I nearly shudder at the thought of Death trapped at the bottom of the ocean, waking only to drown again and again.
He touches his breastplate, no longer looking so excited about being dragged out here after all.
“Can you not swim?” I ask.
“Of course I can,” Thanatos says, affronted.
“Then why are you hesitating?” I ask. “I thought you liked getting wet,” I say, innuendo thick in my voice.
He doesn’t miss it.
Death’s eyes grow hooded, and now he does reach for the straps of his breastplate, unfastening them one by one.
Still staring at him, I undo my pants and shimmy out of them.
If Death was uncertain before about getting in the water, he is no longer.
I pull off my shirt, tossing it aside. My bra and panties are the last to go. Thanatos is still removing his armor, but I don’t wait for him to finish.
With a reckless laugh, I race down the beach, wet sand squishing between my toes. I hiss when the chilly water laps at my ankles, but I don’t stop running, kicking up salty water as I go. When I’m far enough out, I dive into a wave.
For an instant, being fully submerged is a shock to the system. The sea is painfully cold. Maybe that’s why it makes me feel so alive. I rise up to the surface, slicking my hair back.
“Fuck.”
The oath has me turning towards the shore.
Death wears a grimace on his face as he strides through the briny water.
Despite his mood, he’s a sight to behold. My gaze travels over the hard packed muscle of his shoulders and arms before moving down his tapered chest. His tattoos are on full display, and their reflection glitters on the surface of the water.
“I thought the heat and the cold didn’t bother you,” I say. My teeth are already chattering, but I’m so exhilarated by the crash of the waves and the sand between my toes that I can’t find it in myself to care.
“This would bother even the dead,” Death says vehemently.
I laugh because he’s being ridiculous; he probably doesn’t even feel the cold.
Thanatos scowls at the water. “This is worse than wine.”
That only makes me laugh harder. The sound lifts his gaze to my lips. Death moves towards me, the water slipping past his waist and wings. The way he’s looking at me … I’d say he seemed agonized if there wasn’t a softness to his eyes.
Thanatos reaches me, and he cups my cheeks. He takes me in for several seconds.
“I love you,” he breathes.
Then his lips descend on mine.
My hands tremble where I grip his arms, and I want to weep and laugh all at once.
He breaks away. “I love you,” he says again, still cupping my face, his eyes searching mine.
I’m shaking my head—I don’t know why I’m shaking my head. This is everything I want to hear.
“I do,” he insists. “I have been waiting for you from the moment I was first formed, long before you ever drew breath.” He takes my hand and presses it over his heart. “You have been here the whole time, even when I thought I didn’t want it, even when I believed love was a curse and a weakness.
“Nothing has ever been the same since we first crossed paths, Lazarus. Nothing will ever be the same again. And I swear to you, until my dying day, I will love you.”
He wraps an arm around my waist, pulling me flush against him and erasing what little distance remained between us. High above, the sky has turned a deep blue and the first stars have appeared.