I didn’t want Carl that way anymore.
Something had changed in me since I’d come home. Hell, maybe it all changed while I was away for a year, and I just hadn’t realized it. I’d built Carl up in my head.
Or I’d just experienced something so much more powerful that now I didn’t want anyone or anything else.
But Finn’s reaction had stung. I think he thought I should have let him off the hook and been more excited about going back to Carl.
I tiptoed down the hallway and saw him lying in his bed. All of his clothes were still on, and he was sprawled face down on top of the bedding. I picked up the flannel throw blanket and placed it over him.
I made my way back to my room and changed into my pajamas before climbing into bed.
I was finally getting what I wanted, and now I didn’t want it. What was wrong with me? Tears ran down my cheeks, and I pulled the comforter up around my neck and let myself cry. Because for the first time in my life, I didn’t know what the future looked like, or what I even wanted it to look like.
I was exhausted, and my eyes grew heavy, so I let the darkness take me.
My dreams were not filled with thoughts of my ex-boyfriend, the handsome doctor I’d planned to spend my life with. Once again, they were flooded with thoughts of my sexy best friend. The way he touched me. The way he made me feel.
And I let myself drift away because it was the one place I felt completely at peace.
A creak on the floor woke me from a sound sleep, and the room was pitch dark, so I knew it was still the middle of the night. I lay perfectly still, and I felt someone approach my bed. I jerked up to see a dark figure standing there, and on instinct, I shot up and punched him in the throat, my foot coming out and kicking as hard as I could. He fell forward toward me with a gasp.
A blood-curdling scream left my throat as I dove out of bed and ran across the room.
“Finn!” I screamed as I hit the lights and turned around to see the man I’d just assaulted on the floor was my best friend, lying in a ball and groaning.
“Finn? Oh my God.” I hurried over, and he was holding his throat and gasping for air.
I placed a hand on each side of his face, and he blinked up at me a few times.
“What the fuck, Miney? Did you just throat-punch me and kick me in the balls?” he yelled.
“I thought you were a stranger,” I said, helping him slide over so his back could rest against the wall. He closed his eyes, and his free hand moved to his crotch.
Oh my God. I kicked him in the dick and punched him in the throat.
I was definitely the worst fake girlfriend of all time.
“Why would a stranger be in your room?” he said, his voice hoarse.
I’d probably damaged his vocal cords and his family jewels all within a matter of seconds.
Fight or flight was clearly a real thing.
“Why would you be standing over my bed in the dark? It freaked me out.”
He groaned and shifted, pressing his back against the wall as he thought it over. “I don’t know. I took two Benadryl earlier, so I must have been sleepwalking.”
“I’m so sorry. What can I do? Do you want me to get you a glass of water?” I asked.
“No. Just sit here with me.” He reached for my hand, placing his on top of mine as he set it back down on his crotch. “Maybe you can comfort the big guy. It’s the least you can do after that vicious attack.”
I chuckled, leaving my hand there because I’d hated that we’d fought earlier. It had been the first night we hadn’t had sex since the day that we’d crossed the line. And I’d missed him, even though I’d just had dinner with him a few hours ago.
We’d definitely entered a gray area. At least I had.
“Why did you take Benadryl?”
“Because I was waiting up for you to get home from your date with Carl, and I used that fucked-up blanket my mom brought over yesterday. That fake gift from hell is actually wool, and you know I have sensitive skin.”
I laughed so hard that a few tears escaped my eyes. “What are you talking about? First of all, I wasn’t on a date with Carl. I was out in the barn with Millie and Han. But why would you care? You seemed thrilled that Carl was single again.”
He looked over at me, his gaze softening now. “You were in the fucking barn the whole night? It’s freezing outside.”
“It’s not cold in the barn, and I had a coat on. I didn’t think you’d notice.”
He looked away for a minute before his beautiful gray eyes found mine. “I noticed, Miney. And I wasn’t thrilled that Carl was single again. I was worried that you were going to, uh, change the plan and bail on me.”
I leaned my head against his chest and listened to the sound of his heartbeat. “I would never bail on you, Chewy. Right now, this is the only place I want to be.”
Had I said too much? Was it going to scare him off?
His arms came around me, and we sat there quietly. “Seeing as you just attacked me in the most violent way and all, I feel like I should be allowed to add a rule to our little arrangement.”
“Anything,” I whispered.
“I want you to sleep in my bed. I don’t sleep well when you leave every night. Then tonight, when I was medicated, I wandered in here. Clearly, my subconscious was looking for you.”
I sucked in a breath at his words.
Don’t make more out of it than it is.
“I hated the way we left things earlier. And I’m sorry for throat-punching you and kicking you in the balls.” My hand moved beneath his hoodie, desperate to feel the warmth of his skin. My fingertips traced along the lines of his chiseled abs. “So yes, I will sleep in your bed for as long as you want me to.”
Forever, if you asked.
“Thank you. And now that Carl is single, we need to be clear on a few things.”
“Okay,” I said, tipping my head back to look at him.
“I won’t share you, Miney. So, for as long as this fake relationship, or friends with benefits, or whatever the fuck you want to call what we have going on lasts, you can’t be crossing any lines with Carl. That’s a hard line for me.”
“Are you being possessive of me, Finn Reynolds? You’ve never even been in a relationship, and now you’re setting down a lot of rules on one that isn’t even real,” I asked with a chuckle as I pushed back to face him. “It might be harder than you expected for you to leave me when this all ends.”
My voice was all tease, but I swear I was holding my breath and waiting for an answer.
A sign that maybe he was feeling confused, just like me.
Not just because he hated Carl and didn’t want his pride to be hurt by me ending things earlier than planned.
His hand moved toward me as his thumb traced along my bottom lip. “All I want is for you to be happy.”
What the hell did that mean?
Why did he have to be so cryptic?
I didn’t know, and he looked exhausted.
“Okay, let’s get you to bed. Can you get up?”
He reached for my hand, and we both pushed to stand. We walked out of the bedroom, his arm wrapped around my shoulder as we made our way to his bedroom.
Once we climbed beneath the sheets, we rolled on our sides to face one another. The room was completely dark, and Finn’s hand found mine, our fingers intertwining.
“I’m glad you’re here,” he whispered, and I moved even closer.
Needing his warmth.
“Me, too.”
And sleep took us both.
I woke up earlier than usual because my mind was still reeling from everything that had happened yesterday. About the fact that the man I had planned to marry had told me he missed me and wanted to get back together.
Yet, I’d hurried home to Finn because I’d missed him in the short time we’d been apart.
And then the way Finn had made it clear that he wouldn’t share me with Carl, at least not during this time that we were pretending to be together.
But were we even pretending anymore? We spent every minute that we weren’t working together. We were best friends. We had amazing sex. And now we’d agreed to sleep in the same bed.
What was fake about it?
But the thing I kept coming back to was that Finn and I wanted different things.