I had applied for a design fellowship with Elaine Bronstein, a woman whose design had been an inspiration to me since discovering her in Design Beautiful magazine when I was in college.
I now felt prepared to pursue my dreams back home. I had the tools I needed to start my own business. I wasn’t sure how it was all going to happen, but I’d start one client at a time. I knew I didn’t want to be working for my ex-fiancé Carl’s family’s party supply business any longer.
I’d been completely unfulfilled for the last few years, and Elaine had taken a chance on me.
Unfortunately, Carl had been furious when I’d told him that I was going to take the opportunity that I’d been offered.
I’d tried to explain that I needed this. Needed something for myself. I’d supported his dream of becoming a doctor, giving up my amazing job in San Francisco to move back to Cottonwood Cove, where he’d accepted his residency. He didn’t want us to be living apart any longer, so I’d made the choice to go back home.
For him.
He was the man I was going to marry, after all. So, I did it.
I hadn’t been able to find a job in design back home, so, per Carl’s urging, I’d gone to work at Barley’s Party Supplies—heaven forbid anyone in his family come up with an original name.
At the end of the day, I’d spent the last few years making balloon arrangements and witnessing meltdowns every single weekend at children’s birthday parties.
When Kressa Warren, one of the famously awful twins of Cottonwood Cove, had chucked a cupcake at me, causing it to smear all over my favorite skirt, I knew I was done.
Ever try getting red dye out of a pink silk midi skirt?
Not happening.
There was nothing wrong with making balloon animals or hosting parties. It just wasn’t what I wanted to do with my life.
I thought if I drew a line in the sand, if I took a stand about how important it was to me, he’d eventually come around.
I still wanted to get married. Still wanted to do everything that we’d planned together.
I wanted children and a family and all the things that my parents had given my sister and me.
All the things that I’d planned to do with Carl.
We’d spoken weekly since I’d left, and though he’d been angry that I’d made the choice that I had, we’d both talked about getting back together when I returned home.
Even though we were currently not together… officially.
Obviously, I wasn’t really clear on what exactly that meant.
I thought I’d return home inspired and ready to start my own business, and he’d ask me to wear my engagement ring again, and we’d go back to wedding planning shortly after.
We had a wedding venue reserved already, and they’d agreed to allow us to use the deposit at a later date.
He’d asked me for forever just eighteen months ago.
Did he seriously change his mind because I didn’t do what he’d wanted me to do?
Was I that easy to get over?
Apparently so.
My sister, Olivia, had just called to inform me that he was dating someone, and she’d seen them together.
And he wasn’t dating just anyone.
He was dating Christy Rae Lovell.
The girl he’d hooked up with when we were “on a break” in high school.
His words, not mine.
Had he not watched Friends, like everyone else on the planet, and not known that being “on a break” does not mean you hook up with a girl your ex-girlfriend despises?
A break was not a hall pass.
It was about taking some time while you figured things out.
Kind of like what I thought we were doing right now.
I couldn’t imagine going back and seeing Carl with her.
We lived in a small town.
They would be everywhere.
And Christy Rae Lovell was a nurse, so they’d make the perfect couple.
A doctor and a nurse.
How very Grey’s Anatomy of them.
I would vomit if I had the energy to hold my head over the toilet.
The tears continued to fall, and a sob escaped.
My phone dinged, and it was a text from Finn, also known as Chewy. He’d had a slight obsession with Star Wars when we were young. He still considered Chewbacca to be the reason he’d gone into acting. Growing up, we’d take turns every single weekend watching his favorite movie, or mine, the best movies known to man—Harry Potter and Star Wars. I couldn’t even begin to count how many times we’d watched those movies, and how many Halloweens we’d gone as Chewy and Hermione. So, I’d always called him Chewy for as long as I could remember, and he’d called me Miney because he’d dropped the Hermione when we were in middle school.
Chewy
I’ve called four times. Why aren’t you picking up the phone?
I can’t talk right now. I’m not feeling well.
Chewy
I know Olivia filled you in on Carl. I just found out. I told you he’s an asshole. Don’t let this set you back. You’ve got a plan when you come home. And it’s a good one.
My plan was to open my own business, hang out with my best friend as much as possible, and resume my relationship with Carl.
I wasn’t getting any younger.
I was twenty-nine years old, and I’d invested more than a decade with Carl. I’d only ever had one boyfriend, and it had been him.
So, I’d never imagined he’d seriously start dating someone else. What we had was good—at least I thought it was. We were comfortable.
We’d been talking about moving in together before I’d left, because Carl hadn’t wanted us to live together before we were engaged, and then I’d been stuck in a lease that I couldn’t break without losing a substantial amount of money. So, I’d assumed he’d want me to move in with him when I got back home. But seeing as he had a girlfriend now, I’m guessing that would be a little awkward.
Olivia said they were all over each other at Cottonwood Café, and apparently, Christy Rae Lovell told her friend that they’re practically shopping for rings already. How is that possible?
Chewy
Have you ever considered that he might not be the guy for you?
I covered my mouth with my hand as another sob escaped my throat. I hadn’t ever considered that. We hadn’t lived by one another during undergrad and medical school, but we’d maintained our relationship long-distance. We’d always had a plan. Once he’d gotten his residency back home, he’d said it was time for us to be together all the time, and I’d agreed. Long distance was exhausting. Though I’d had my best friend with me. But it didn’t help that Finn and Carl didn’t get along, as neither cared for the other.
No. I’ve been with him for eleven years. Obviously, I’ve invested close to half my life with the guy.
Chewy
You weren’t even living near one another for most of that time. He didn’t support you when you wanted to pursue your dream. He’s a narcissistic asshole.
I wasn’t in the mood for a Carl bashing. It was Finn’s favorite pastime. My best friend was the most happy-go-lucky guy I’d ever known—unless we were discussing Carl. I cried into my pillow some more, and the lump in my throat was so thick it was painful to swallow.
I can’t do this right now. I have to go.
Chewy
You’re coming home in three days, Miney. Do not let him mess that up for you.
I couldn’t fathom how uncomfortable it would be to see them together. She’d love to rub it in my face. I couldn’t believe Carl was with her.
I can’t come there and have their relationship thrown in my face every day. I’m single, jobless, and homeless. Now I’m going to have to move back in with my parents at thirty years old. How am I going to face them?
Chewy
Fuck them. And you’re not thirty; you’re barely twenty-nine. You don’t have to live with your parents. You can move in with me. I have a big house now. I’ll be with you every step of the way. Answer your damn phone, Miney.
My heart ached. Had I made a huge mistake? Had I been selfish by chasing my dream to come here?
I’ll call you later, Chewy. I don’t want to talk about it right now.
Chewy
I’ll give you a day. But you better pick up your damn phone tomorrow.