Among the Heather (The Highlands, #2)

“No. But it might be the first step to finding yourself again. And from there, maybe you’ll let some future Mr. Aria Howard into your heart.”

Her words percolated through my mind as we stared out at the water in perfect silence. The thought of stripping myself bare for North caused a strange mix of anticipation and anxiety.

I had a choice.

I could stay in this lonely fortress I’d built around myself where I’d locked away my sexuality to keep me safe from my and other people’s ugly thoughts … or I could be brave.

Could I be brave?





Thirteen


ARIA





Ihad never tried to sneak into the castle before, and I was shaking with jitters trying to do it now. Deciding to park my car at the spa and gym building so no one would come looking for me if I parked it at the castle, I walked the five minutes to the main building, glancing around like I was being followed. Or up to no good and didn’t want to be caught.

The latter was true.

After talking with Sloane yesterday, I hadn’t been able to get North out of my mind. The idea of being naked with him still made me feel sick with nerves, but I didn’t want to go through life hiding anymore. Every action I’d taken throughout my entire existence had been because of someone else. I hadn’t gone to an East Coast college because I wanted to be there for Allegra, and that was fine. I didn’t regret that. But then I’d stayed in LA for her and my mother. Finally, when I left like I’d always wanted, it wasn’t because I was ready to be brave and make a decision for myself. It was because I was humiliated and needed somewhere to escape.

It was way past time to start making decisions based on what I wanted.

So instead of leaving work at eight o’clock, I’d parked my car at the spa building and made my way back like a sneaky little sneak. It was kind of pointless to slink into the castle because there were cameras everywhere in the public rooms and at all the entrances and exits. Security would know I was there as soon as I walked in. However, I didn’t want to bump into any of the staff because I didn’t want to explain what I was doing there.

What could I tell them?

Oh, I have self-esteem issues and North Hunter agreed to fuck them out of me, so I’m going to go let him do that.

Yeah, that would sound great coming from the boss.

Some members were drinking in one of the public rooms, but I skirted the edges, sticking to the shadows until I reached the staff elevator. I practically collapsed into it once the doors closed and it carried me upward. Sweat gathered under my arms, which was not a good look for seducing someone. I was already terrified about getting naked in front of North.

Oh my God, this is such a bad idea.

I froze with sudden indecision as the elevator doors opened, revealing a thankfully empty hallway.

Maybe North had been kidding about a one-night stand. Maybe he’d say yes out of pity.

Goddamn it. I hated that voice in my head. My intention was to make my way to North’s room. However, when I stepped out of the elevator, the faint stir of music caught my ear. I halted and tilted my head to listen.

Wakefield had mentioned that North was using the castle turret to play his guitar. Heart racing even harder, I followed the strain of guitar music to the turret. Trying to be as quiet as possible, I opened the door, and North’s deep, smooth voice reached me.

My breath caught.

The man could sing.

Of course he could.

Entering, I gently closed the door behind me. It was a tight squeeze at the bottom of the turret. Narrow, carpeted stairs spiraled to the circular room above, where North played a song I didn’t recognize.

Did he write it?

It had a slight folksy, country sound to it as North sang about being obsessed with a melody he couldn’t get out of his head. As my body responded to the timbre of his singing voice, tingles awakening between my thighs, I leaned a palm against the cold brick and took a deep breath. Why wasn’t he doing this for a living? The man’s talents were apparently boundless.

I had to hope they were because I was somewhere between fleeing the castle, and perhaps Scotland altogether, and running upstairs to throw myself at him.

He’s not Lucas, I reminded myself.

To my shock, my legs trembled as I forced them to climb the stairs. I wanted to shake the nerves out of them, but I couldn’t force myself not to be anxious as hell. My heels didn’t sound on the carpet as I climbed, so when I appeared at the top of the stairs, North didn’t notice me at first. He sat on the edge of the armchair, guitar braced on his knee, his head down as he sang. There was a notebook on the floor in front of him with words scrawled in messy handwriting.

He had written this song.

My cheeks heated at lyrics that masked just how sexual they were. There was a playfulness to them that didn’t surprise me as he talked about a woman who he wanted to lick like his favorite ice cream.

Jealousy scored through me as I wondered who the song was about. Did he write it for Cara Rochdale? His fascination with the pop star made sense. They had music in common. The thought depressed me.

Suddenly, he looked up and startled so badly, the guitar fell out of his hands. “Fuck!” he yelled, as the guitar hit the carpeted floor. “Fuck, fuck.” North half glowered, half grinned. “You scared the shit out of me.”

My lips twitched with humor. If only the fans of King’s Valley in which he played a charismatic sociopath that terrified people could see him now. “Sorry about that.”

North shook his head, as if a little dazed, and grabbed his guitar off the floor to check it over. “How long have you been there?”

Just as abruptly as I’d been laughing at him, my nerves returned. Did I really want to initiate sex with a guy singing about another woman? I didn’t think that would help my self-esteem much. “Uh … not long. Long enough to hear your song. You have a great voice.”

He scrubbed a hand over his head and gave me a rueful smirk. “Did you like the song?”

I stiffened. Why would he ask me that? “Yeah, sure.”

His expression flattened at my less than enthused response, and I felt like the world’s biggest asshole.

“It’s a great song,” I hurried to say. “Catchy. Playful. Is it about your ex-girlfriend?”

North looked horrified. “Why would I write a song about a woman who pretended to love me for two years and then dumped me when I needed her? Though, to be fair, if I’d loved her back, it would probably sting a bit more and I wouldn’t be writing songs about another woman.”

I knew it.

He was writing songs about another woman.

I was such an idiot to believe his interest would last more than that night in the library. Feeling my chest ache with rejection, I gave him another tight smile and nodded. “Well, good night, then.”

“Hey, hey, hey.” North stood to his feet, his frantic tone stopping me midturn. He searched my face as if looking for some kind of answer. Then he let out a little huff as he rubbed the back of his neck. “The song is about you.”

Stunned, I gaped at him.

His lips turned up at the corner. “You didn’t know?”