With a long breath in, the Lady lifted her chin and narrowed her eyes. “You have another question, though, don’t you?”
About Hydra Ascendant. I fingered the drawstring of the bag containing the flowers I’d brought as my offering, though my gloves dulled the sensation.
Bastian pressed his lips together. “This is the question I’m asking, though.”
“Lucky for you, the answers to both mysteries lie in Ashara… as does your salvation. Take the path through the Asharan Forest, and aim for the old palace in the hills. You will learn far more than you ever dreamed.”
Was that it? A vague set of directions?
But Bastian inclined his head to her, hand over his heart like he was satisfied.
Her gaze flicked to me. “Your human is interesting. Not… wholly human. At least, not anymore.”
A shiver chased down my spine as though her gaze was a touch as cold as this snowy volcanic peak.
“Don’t you want to ask me a question, girl?”
I swallowed, working my tongue around my mouth. “I have an offering.” I fished the flowers from the soft drawstring bag and held them out, feeling suddenly foolish as moonlight hit the hot pink petals. They were a violent gash of colour against this grey and white landscape, clashing with the turquoise lake. “I—I thought you might not see flowers very often, they’re—”
“Not in years,” she breathed, and when I dared to look up, I found her staring at them, hands outstretched but not quite touching them, as though she didn’t dare to. “So many years.”
Her longing squeezed my heart—a longing I understood—and I edged the posey a little closer. “They are yours, my Lady.”
Eyes closing, she shuddered as she accepted and held it close. “Ah. That smell.” She exhaled, shoulders sinking, then drew an even deeper breath. “Life.” Shaking her head, she opened her eyes. “Well, aren’t you both just full of surprises for an old thing like me? Tell me, child, what is it you want most in all the world?”
I shot Bastian a glance, throat suddenly tight, but he nodded in encouragement.
“To be safe.”
Her eyebrows pulled together, forming a deep crease on her ageless face. “You do. Though I fear it’s an impossible desire.”
The words clanged in me like a foul note in the middle of a beautiful song. “Impossible?”
One corner of her mouth rose, gentle again. “That’s not necessarily a bad thing. Many a great deed was done while striving for the impossible.”
I wasn’t interested in great deeds.
“Don’t despair. You still have your question.”
“Ask whatever you want,” Bastian murmured. “We have a lead on Hydra Ascendant now. The Lady won’t tell us anything more about them, so don’t waste your question.”
She flashed him a smirk of confirmation. She’d told us everything she was going to about the rebels and the Circle of Ash. So, what did I want to know that was worthy of asking an ancient fae who knew all?
I clenched and unclenched my fingers, gloves creaking. “My power… Your kind call it a gift, but it doesn’t feel like one. I almost killed a friend.” My eyes stung as I met the Lady’s gaze. “How can I control it—keep hold of it so I don’t accidentally poison anyone else?”
Stroking the petals of her flowers, she looked at my hands as though she could see through the gloves. “Green fingers. Purple fingers. A touch upon the throne. Death for life. Life for death. A journey into the unknown.” Her voice was as distant as her gaze, then she blinked and returned to here and now. “Your question contains the problem. Control. You hold on too tight. No grip can stay closed forever. You try to push it away. Neither can work.”
I waited for an explanation.
But she raised her eyebrows and dipped her chin and skimmed away across the lake. Her toes dipped beneath the surface, her feet and calves.
“Wait.” I started forward, boots an inch from the lake’s edge as her thighs disappeared from sight. “Is that it? There has to be more! Tell me how to—”
Bastian’s hand closed over my shoulder. “She has.”
The Lady of the Lake smiled again, hugging her flowers close before sinking into the pale water.
I opened and closed my mouth. What the hells did she mean? I needed another offering—to call her back. I’d try again. I’d—
“That’s all she has for you.” Bastian gave me a little shake. “It’s your job to work it out.”
As we mounted and rode back down the mountain, I played her so-called answer over and over in my head. You hold on too tight. No grip can stay closed forever. You try to push it away. Neither can work.
Kaliban had referenced letting go. I sat and focused on the fire every day, letting go of thoughts and feelings, but I still didn’t really have control of this power.
By the time we reached the mountain pass and the cosy inn, I had no better understanding of the Lady of the Lake’s message. But it was near dawn and the stags’ heads drooped, so we led them into the small yard and gave their sleepy stable girl a handful of coins. When she peered at them, her eyes popped wide. Moments later, she had the stags in stalls, while Bastian went inside to get us rooms.
Or, as it turned out, room.
As he unlocked the door and revealed a small table and settee in front of the fire and a large bed against the wall, I raised an eyebrow at him. “Are you trying to tell me they’re fully booked? I didn’t see many deer in the stables.”
“No, but I want you in my bed.”
My step into the room landed heavily. “What?”
He cleared his throat, dropping our bags at the foot of the bed. “Security. It’s not the same as we have in Tenebris.”
I frowned, closing the door behind me and leaning on it. Walking further into this room felt like a trap. Possibly one I’d like to get caught in, but I wanted to be sure of that before the jaws closed around my ankle. “But… the other inns we stayed in didn’t have security either.”
“Our suites always had a single entrance, and only a wall stood between us. The rooms here are all individual. No shared entrance.”
I made a sound, trying not to swallow my own tongue as I eyed the bed.
No grip can stay closed forever.
Cheeks warm, I edged into the room. Maybe tonight I could ease my grip on the words I’d held in for too long.
59
Bastian
We took it in turns to bathe and don fresh clothes before eating breakfast, though it felt more like dinner to us. I drank more than I should as the Lady of the Lake’s words circled my thoughts.
Frowning, Kat ate, but she barely sipped the magic-laced brandy, and it was only when she went into the bathroom to get ready for bed that I realised how quiet she’d been.
Fuck, Bastian. Pull yourself together.