Maybe I should keep an eye on him for a minute, just to check he wasn’t about to keel over.
But standing here just looking at him felt beyond awkward, so I made myself useful unpacking the basket. Aside from pots, pans, and plates, the cupboards were bare.
“Looks like you really needed that shopping trip,” I muttered as I placed the potatoes in a basket in a low cabinet. Perhaps that was what had driven him out of the house even though he was unwell. “I can get you a healer, you know. I was just at the Hall of Healing—it won’t take me long to go back.” The idea made me shudder, but if I had to, I would.
As I picked up a blood-red apple, I had to close my eyes against the sight of my flayed fingers.
Not real. Not real. Not real.
“What do you think?” I straightened and turned.
And found him right there. He grabbed my arm, eyes wide, and I gasped at the biting grip.
“What did she do to you?”
“Don’t touch me.” I yanked, but he was too strong. At least my coat meant he wasn’t touching my skin.
Wait. “What did you—?”
“Uncontrolled magic.” His eyes went even wider and he dropped my arm like I’d burned him.
Heart pounding, I checked my sleeve—the cloth was intact. I hadn’t accidentally poisoned him. “I don’t… I was just trying to help.”
My fingers on my sleeve. But open, flesh exposed to the stinging air. I screwed my eyes shut. Last time, the intrusive memories had mostly faded after a while, but going back in that room had triggered them all coming back. I couldn’t go through the rest of the day seeing that.
“You’re right. You can’t.”
“Did I…?” I covered my mouth. The horror of Elthea’s experiment had me voicing my thoughts—dangerous at the best of times, but here in Elfhame, it had to be worse. Deadly, even.
“No, you didn’t say it out loud.” His mouth twisted in the ghost of a sardonic smirk. “But you’re right, sharing your thoughts with the wrong person could get you killed.”
If I didn’t say it, that meant… Heart leaping, I scrambled away, banging into the countertop. No. No. Not in my head. That was my space. “Get out. Out!”
He flinched like I’d struck him, but raised his palms. “Ouch. Shit. Message received.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “In my defence, you were thinking very loudly.”
But he still stood between me and the door.
And he could read my fucking mind.
Despite my shaking, I managed to draw the miniature pistol from my thigh holster. I would shoot him if he tried to stop me. I thought it hard—let him understand I meant it.
“I’m not even reaching for you right now, but I could still hear that.”
“Good. Then you know I want you to get the hells out of my way. I don’t know why you lured me—”
“Lured?” He laughed. “You stopped and helped me when I was…” A muscle in his jaw rippled. “I wasn’t luring anybody—I was too busy trying not to lose my mind. There are too many thoughts out there. I’m not what I once was. They break through too easily.”
I glanced past him to the door. “So you can hear everyone?”
He scowled. “Unfortunately. Wards make this place my sanctuary… until human women come along with such loud thoughts, that is.”
Being able to read minds sounded like a great gift, but seeing the shadows under this fae’s eyes, I understood.
It was as much of a curse as my poison.
And it made sense. I struggled enough with my own thoughts—I didn’t want anyone else’s, thanks.
“Fine. Sorry for thinking so loudly.” I lowered my pistol, ready to raise it again if necessary. “That means I can go, then?”
He stepped to one side, arms spread. “You always could.”
“Perfect.” I strode for the door, only looking away from him when I reached it.
“You know, I can help you.”
I paused, gripping the handle. “What do you mean?”
“With forgetting.”
I whipped around. “What makes you think—?”
“I heard you.” He shrugged, looking a little younger now his face had relaxed. “I don’t know everything. I only see what someone’s thinking at that exact moment. But I know enough. That woman did…” His gaze flicked to my fingers, and I tucked them under my armpits, not wanting to see them even in the periphery of my vision. “Well, I saw it. And I know you can’t escape it. But what if you could?”
My pulse quickened. “Are you saying, you can take away a memory?”
“If you want me to.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “And why would you do that? The kindness of your heart?”
Fae were not kind.
He snorted like he found the idea as ridiculous as I did. It was oddly comforting that he didn’t try to persuade me. “No. But I owe you for helping me. You’re here in Elfhame, so you must know we love making bargains.”
I eyed my fingers. Jaw clenched, I managed to focus and not see what Elthea had done. Still, my skin crawled, because I knew. And there would be more. “I helped you. You help me.”
“That’s how it works.”
“Say it. Say exactly what you’re going to do, so I know you’re not twisting around some deception.”
“You have bargained with us before.” He flashed a grin. “Very well. In exchange for your help today, I will remove two memories you give me permission to remove. I won’t go rooting around in your mind for any other thoughts, and I won’t tamper with anything else in there. Two memories of your choosing removed. That’s what I’m offering.”
That had to be safe—safe enough, anyway. And at this point, I didn’t care if he could be trusted or not—I needed to escape everything Elthea had done to me.
No more nightmares about her tugging on my nerves—pulling them like puppet strings.
I swallowed back nausea and nodded. “You have yourself a deal.”
36
Bastian
The night after the party, I caught up with Kat and she told me what she’d discovered about her necklace, though she refused to reveal how she’d come upon this information.
Lucius had sent unCavendish to Lunden. After me, perhaps. To ruin the alliance with Albion, certainly.
He was responsible for that man touching Kat, for placing poison in her hands, and for forcing her into a position where she had to take it or risk war that would’ve been disastrous for both our countries.
It had crushed me when she’d asked, “Now what?” Like there was something we could do about a king’s machinations.
I’d hated myself for replying, “Now nothing. We can’t act against him.”
We couldn’t. Without Braea’s approval, the main thing I could do at the moment was be vigilant… and give Dawn a reminder of my presence and power.
The next day, I had a meeting lined up with a visiting merchant who dealt in antiquities and rare books. I could make some veiled enquiries about the Circle of Ash, see if they had any texts that might be useful.
I could’ve had them meet me in the palace, but this was a perfect opportunity to deliver that reminder. So, shadows on full display, seething around me, I made for the grand hall.