Once I’d made camp, I checked on her—still sleeping soundly, curled up by the fire. I could have carried her into the tent, but I liked having her in sight.
I found the most uncomfortable position I could against a fallen tree, with a broken branch digging in my back, and kept my eyes on the darkness.
A few times, I jolted upright as my eyelids drooped. But I made it through the night and welcomed another dawn.
Kat’s eyelids fluttered open, and her gaze fixed on the lightening sky above. “Shit. Bastian?” She sat up, glaring at me as I rose and stretched. “You absolute fucking…” Her hands fisted.
“I can sleep when we get home.” I tried to smile, but it was too much effort.
My feet dragged as we broke camp, and I confess Kat did most of the work, muttering about me being an idiot the whole time.
As we set off, a brutal headache buzzed in my forehead and behind my eyes. It was all I could do to keep my stag on the road.
Stay awake.
Awake meant no dreams. Awake meant no nightmares. Awake meant no more of those awful memories.
I fixed my eyes on the hills ahead. Tenebris stood on their other side. We would make it before sunset.
Awake.
Stay awake.
Stay…
26
Bastian
There was a soft kind of darkness and something warm wrapped around me. Something warm that smelled good, like the first sunny day of spring. Something I could sleep against.
Sleep.
Wait.
I jolted upright. The stag pranced to one side. I grabbed for the reins, but found a pair of hands already on them. Gloved hands.
“Kat?”
“You’re awake then.” Her voice hummed into my back. That was the thing wrapped around me—her thighs around mine, arms around my waist.
When I looked over my shoulder, I found her craning around me to peer at the road ahead.
She caught my eye and shrugged. “Not exactly convenient, since you’re too tall for me to see past, but as you nearly fell off, I didn’t have much choice.”
I rubbed my aching head. The pain wasn’t as bad as earlier, but my eyes stung. “Thanks. I’m fine, now, though, I can ride.”
“That’s nice.” She made no move to hand over the reins or dismount and return to her stag, which limped along beside us.
“I said I can—”
“I heard you.” She flashed me a sweet smile when I looked back. “But you’re going to fall asleep again, if I leave you—fall being the operative. And in case you hadn’t noticed, my stag is lame. It’s better if we rest him.”
I gave a wordless grumble Faolán would’ve been proud of.
“I’d have stopped and tucked you in if tonight wasn’t a new moon.”
“Then I’m glad you realised.” If we stopped, we’d never make it to Tenebris before nightfall. “Still, I think your neck would thank you if you moved in front of me so you can, you know, see.” I cocked my head as she flexed her neck side to side with a wince. “I’ll even let you keep hold of the reins.”
“Bastian Marwood, letting someone else hold the reins?” Her eyes widened. “Wonders will never cease.”
It was the second time I’d smiled since leaving Innesol. “Don’t get used to it.”
Eventually, she conceded, and we swapped places. True to my word, I let her steer and instead fastened my hands around her waist. She rode with her coat open as the sun streamed down.
I must’ve still been tired, because the next thing I knew, I woke from the most delicious dream with my head on her shoulder, my arms tight around her, and a raging erection. My shadows had also got in on the act, hazing around her thighs and shoulders, holding her hair back, so I could nuzzle into her neck.
I held there a moment longer than I should’ve, guilt quietened by my exhaustion. When I glanced down, I could see her chest heaving and the peaks of her nipples against her shirt. My fingers flexed against her belly as my shadows reached for her breasts to do what I longed to.
No.
I yanked them back and made a show of “waking up” and stretching, pulling my aching cock away from Kat’s glorious backside.
“Morning, sleepy head,” she said in a voice too light. “Or, rather, afternoon.” She nodded at the sun above, turning her head so I caught her tight smile, but not looking directly at me. She’d cleaned her face at camp, and I could see the flush of her tanned cheeks.
Exhaustion had eroded my self-control and let my thoughts run rampant.
Swallowing, I returned my hands to her hips and thought about boring things like picking apples.
But picking apples became picking apples with Kat. Which became picking apples with naked Kat and feeding them to her as I made love to her in the setting September sun.
My grip on her tightened. Stars above. I was fucked.
My mind skipped from subject to subject, only lingering on a thought for as long as it took to somehow loop around to Kat bouncing on my cock.
Turned out nearly getting killed by Horrors left me horny beyond belief.
The afternoon sun passed overhead and Kat pressed the stag into a faster walk. We should still make it back before dusk, but I didn’t trust myself to reassure her.
Eventually she spoke into the pregnant quiet, “So, are you ready to talk about what happened at Innesol yet?”
That was one way to quench my desire. She might as well have thrown me into a freezing lake.
I was about to brush off her question when she looked back at me, brow and mouth tight with worry.
Damn this woman. I couldn’t deny her. And… just as my shadows ghosted around her hands and waist, sharing themselves with her, I wanted to share myself with her.
“What do you want to know?”
She raised an eyebrow, then turned back to the road. “What do you want to say?”
Touché.
“You were troubled,” she went on. “That much was obvious. And you spoke about things you couldn’t possibly know. I was afraid.”
I squeezed her hips, tracing circles with my thumbs. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you.”
“No. You misunderstand. I wasn’t afraid of you; I was afraid for you.”
That was the thing that cracked me open.
My throat was too raw to speak for a moment, but then speak I did. “They were memories. That place… It felt like I’d been there. I could’ve sworn I had, but… You’re right—it fell long, long before I was born.”
Watching the road, she went very still.
“Those memories aren’t mine.” I dragged in a long breath. Only Faolán and my fathers knew this, and with Baba gone, that left just two people.
But Katherine…
She hadn’t spilled my secrets to the changeling, even when she’d had all the reason in the world to. After I pushed her away, she could’ve gone to him with the note, told him about my double, told him about my nightmares.
“Those memories are my athair’s. He did some things in the war that… he wasn’t proud of.” That shame was mine, curdling in my gut. “And it scarred him. He had nightmares and flashbacks, even centuries later, after I was born.”
“That’s why you knew what to do… when I was lost and afraid.” Her voice came out very small.
I leant closer and placed my cheek alongside hers. “I learned from growing up with his trauma.”